Home Study Approved, Ready to Sell Ourselves?!

****I decided to do this blog because I felt early on in the process, I knew NOTHING about adoption, I didn't find many real life stories or blogs.  I felt many adoptive parents are hush hush about their stories, unless they know you well or you are adopting yourself.  I have been very open, most likely too open.  But, if this blog helps just one person, that will be worth it for me.  Adoption is an emotional roller coaster, and many times people deal with miscarriages, infertility, etc. leading up to it and so it often has a negative connotation to it.  I mean I had NO IDEA how many people in my circle/extended circle had adopted!  And I think it is the freakin coolest thing on Earth.  I have considered adoption since I was 10.  I told my mom there were too many babies without homes and I was going to get one of them.  She said, "Maybe when you are older."  Well, I am older :)  I had a procedure a couple of years ago that left me at risk for high risk (note all the risks lol) pregnancy and between that and just always being interested in adoption, Mike and I made the decision to start our family without a baby bump!  Guess you could say I have a heart bump?  This imaginary baby IS already growing in my heart for sure!******

 So here we all are!  Sitting pretty, ready to move into the adoption process.  If you are just in the beginning stages, bless you...you WILL make it through the home study!  YES, your hands will age 5 years after filling out 739024832 million pages and digging up all your documents.  Every secret you ever had will basically be your social worker's business.  Skeletons in your closet may end up rattling out as they ask you about your childhood, how you were disciplined and your relationship with your significant other, if you have one.  Remember those salary and monetary figures you like to keep private?  Let go of that one!  But you will make it.  We finished ours in about 4 or 5 months, we had a great social worker, and yes, she came to make sure we did not live in a meth lab and all of our chemicals were 'up and out of the way' and all the cabinets were child proof locked (which I don't get because when you adopt an infant, they ummm, can not do much more than lay there, crap and cry.)  As she just glazed over everything, I became an eager puppy, making sure she saw all we had done, "Here are our cleansers, SOOO FAR from anywhere the baby will EVER reach-- shit, I can't even reach them!  Oh shit, I didn't mean to say shit!"  Perhaps I made it up with the gifts for her and my favorite Leaves BBW candle burning, filling up our house with such joy who could resist approving us!  We got accepted and moved onto finding a placement agency.

Choosing an agency was much harder to me than the home study.  Feeling like your ENTIRE future is in your hands is surely no big deal, right?  If you saw my spreadsheet you would put me in an OCD support group.  I did not even know there were so many colors in existance, seperating the gazillion adoption agencies that exist as well.  Who knew?  Not I.  What you have to realize during this process is THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER AGENCY that is better, or has this or that, etc.  It is not humanly possible to research all of them, call all of them (though I did try and I think I have permanent ear burn from being on the phone for months).  That being said, do your research, google questions to ask the agencies, but do not go crazy doing it.  I hit rock bottom after talking to half a million.  I am not quite sure if that number is an exaggeration.  My poor cool-as-a-cucumber husband was sitting quietly one night and there across the room flew my lid (aka my brain)!  It was like slo-mo.  I was on my computer comparing the half a million agencies and I just basically imploded.  I put (and by put I mean threw) my computer to the side and began to scream like a child that was just told she couldn't attend Christmas,  "I CANT DO IT! I AM DONE, FORGET THIS! WE WILL JUST GET A DOG!!!!!!!BUT IM ALLERGIC GOD DAMNIT!!!"  I laughed at my own crazy and after a few minutes and a glass of wine, I came back to earth and Mike suggested picking our top 3, giving it a week and just picking. 

During the next week I talked to 6 women who adopted from the agency we have now picked.  I SUGGEST asking the agencies you are interested in for references.  If they can not give them, run for the hills or whatever is farther than the hills.  Why wouldn't they have people who have used them willing to talk about their experience?  People who have adopted LOVE talking about adoption.  Trust me, I spent about another half a million hours on the phone with these adoptive mothers.  I felt closer to these lil ladies than half my friends, with ear burn as my proof.

No, I don't have a cute lil baby bump to take glowy pictures of, no I don't get to feel my baby kick around like a soccer player in that precious belly.  I can not plan 9 months til babydom, because technically I could be given an hour's notice that our child has been born, or....it could be a year.  I don't have certainty that when our child is born it is legally still theirs, for up to 30 days!  Birth mothers can say "Eff that, I want my baby back!" (BTW, God if you are listening could you not let that happen?  Thanks. P.S. I will share my donuts with you).  The list of uncertainty goes on. I will leave them for future posts because your eyes probably feel like a swarm of those lil mini bees is in them if you've made it this far.

But I am sitting here writing this with a glass of champagne, no morning sickness and no stretch marks... Aaaand, that whole we are giving a child a life they may not have had is a pretty cool deal :)

Are you still with me?  This blog is a long one because it is a summary of our adoption process before NOW.  2014 will have shorter entries, I swear on my heartbump.  Next step is to make a profile book with pictures and blurbs, basically selling ourselves to the birth mothers, "We went to Italy!  We have two eyes each!  Look at how happy we are while we hike!  Our home is soooo HOMEY!   We don't have pets but Christy does a mean horse imitation!"  Then we make a video.  That should be quite a show.  I anticipate it will be hard for me to not break out into jazz hands and song and dance, but I will try my best. I don't want to wait 3 years *insert cha cha dance!



Waiting for you,
Bumpless Baby Mama