My body always louder than words to me. I often am mentally strong when 'big events' happen, but my body will react. I broke up with a boyfriend about 5 or so years ago, pretty hard one since we had talked marriage, etc., and I dealt with it ok. I gave myself a time limit of 20 minutes to cry about it (yes I am nutty) and said then I had to pick up and move on. And I did move on, but my body didn't. The next day at breakfast, I had oatmeal and could barely swallow it. I could feel it stuck in my chest and had no idea what as going on. At lunch I got a sandwich and the pain of it going down was so bad I went to our doc in a box (our company had one on site!). She took my pulse and said it was racing...she told me to take 4 deep breaths and then she took it again and it was significantly lower. She said I was one of those people that their body is incredibly in sync with my emotion. She looked at me and said, "What is going on in your life?" I was like, "I had a breakup but I'm fine." She told me I was not fine and this was my body telling me I was not fine. She said, "Now go home and let it out. Cry. Hard. And do some Yoga." Hey, beats having to take chill pills! And she was right. It went away. It was stress holding onto whatever it could in my body, this time it was my esophagus. I have noticed, since then, my body definitely reacts to stress more than I do!
How is this relevant, you ask?! We enter the adoption pool next week and I haven't gotten to bed since after 2am twice this week and the other nights I have had nightmares about itchy skin (no it isn't because I have scabies) and woken up every night during the night, which is rare, I am a DEEP sleeper! And I have noticed my teeth clenching and the obvious reaction, spaghetti brain! I view my brain as a big bowl of spaghetti and when I react to stress, the spaghettis get all twisted up and I can't think straight. I get overwhelmed. I am sure this is quite common. I can't be the only one with swinging noodles of information getting all swirled around in there, just dying for someone to come
along and straighten them all out!
I have only found a couple of things that help my spaghetti brain. Writing everything down (planning, timelines, prioritizing to do list) and watching Parenthood while drinking wine. Can I get an amen?! That stationary bike that sits over in the corner of my living room so I will see it and use it more has been quite lonely this week. I don't even look at her, worried if we make eye/handlebar contact, I will feel guilty, and I don't have time to feel guilty right now. I mean I gave up Coke for Lent, what else do you want from me! In between Parenthood-ing, catching up with a few friends and passing by the bike with a nice glass of pinot in my hand, I have been nesting. Due to my planner nature, I have drawn out blueprints of the big switch of the guest room/girly room and nursery. I think I finally have it all GPSd out and we are gonna move everything around tomorrow! Something fun to look forward to. For me, probably not the hubs. Maybe I will just call him in to move furniture, nobody should have to experience me on my OCD organizing kicks. I love to decorate/organize...and it will give me some control now that we are entering the trimester of total lack of control!
I'm sorry, I'd write more, but it is hard to see with all of the noodles in the way,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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