For the past 5 months we have sent the birth parents letters and photos monthly, through the agency. I usually just write an update about her physical milestones, mental milestones and maybe a cute story here or there. We include pictures of her doing things like reading, tummy time, laughing and pictures of her with family/friends, reassuring the birthparents she is very loved. We don't really get feedback from them, kind of a one way update, but the social worker has mentioned things that she hears. Sometimes sh*t I could care less about, like the outfit the birthmother was wearing and how cute it was. I dunno, I am all about open adoption here, but did I need to know she had on a chevron dress? You will see, over information is a theme.
The last call she made to me was that the birthparents broke up. My heart stopped. They had dated for years and as I mentioned in my blog about our 2 hour meeting, we got a sense of how adorable they were with each other, like an old married couple teasing each other with beams of love shooting out at each other. Guess those love beams were too hot to handle. It felt like when you hear a celebrity couple breaks up that you think were so perfect together. SURE, I hate to compare these people to Jen and Brad but, it was just as big of a shock to me!
The social worker called with the news almost as if it was a gossip column. Kind of a, "You won't BELIEVE THIS!" and then followed with details I really do not think were my business. I get her telling us they broke up so we can know because that is logistical information we may need, but their life is not a soap opera to air out their dirt laundry. She hadn't even talked directly to them (the birthmother's mother called her) so I KNOW she didn't get permission to spill their secret beans to us. She was talking in more detail and my annoyance came out, " I don't think this is my business. Thank you for letting us know they broke up, though." It later also made me think, how she talked about it like it was a fun drama TV show. I mean, she knows all of our (adoptive and birthparents') lives, like NITTY GRITTY details, you sell your soul when you do a home study or as a birthparent fill out their quiestionnaires. Does she air others' dirty laundry out? I just felt it was unprofessional and I hope I conveyed that by stopping her. Hope she doesn't talk about my secrets over dinner with her husband. OH wait, I don't have secrets since I am Mrs. TMI.
With this news also came news the birthmother is moving far away. A new start. She is going back to school, so that's really cool! I hope she finds happiness there.
How will their breakup and her move affect us? WHAT ABOUT LIL OL US! Not sure because we didn't really know what the future held anyway. Would they had really ended up wanting to see us/lil bean once a year? We both signed on a non legal line saying we would, and I know we will hold up our end of the bargain, but the agency says sometimes it is too hard for birthparents, as they start a new life, family, etc. So, who knows what would have happened come summertime when we are supposed to see them anyway. Maybe she will come back for the visit, maybe not. My gut says not because I asked the social worker if they were still going to come and she said she could not reach them.
I have gotten many questions about how I feel about seeing the birthparents once a year and won't it be weird. I feel like after a LOT of research, it is best if they decide they want to. Will it be weird? Absolutely. But life is weird. Every family is weird. Every family has it's quirks and things to get through together, and this will just be one of the many. Adoption does not define our family, it is just a slice of it. A really freakin awesome slice that I am so glad we ordered.
did I just compare adoption/my daughter to pizza? And now I'm hungry.
Love you lil pizza slice of heaven,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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