Birthparent Meeting Update!

I imagine this will be a long blog, so get those eyeballs ready and maybe grab some tea ;)

Yesterday was a very emotional day.  This whole ride is becoming more emotional, but different because it is like having split personalities.  Yet even worse because you are feeling all of the emotions all at once.  Sometimes you go back and forth from fear, excitement, etc. but sometimes it is almost as if you are feeling it all at once and your brain is so overwhelmed with different feelings you almost feel numb.  I came out of the meeting basically 'high' and ten minutes later was staring off like a robot, not even able to describe what I was feeling, and nor could Mike.  It is too much to express.

So...the meeting.  On the way there, my wedding photographer said he would do newborn photo session for a HUGE discount since we are adopting.  I was so excited, I called my mom and she started laughing at me.  I was like "What are you laughing at?!"  She said, "You are just so YOU!  You focus on the weirdest things when big events are happening.  All the little details, like chanigng the knobs on the nursery dresser and photos!"  I thought about it, she WAS right.  I guess it is a distraction from the bigger things :)  They are SUPER cute knobs, though!

We got to the agency, filled out paperwork, handed over our left leg/fat check, and then she said, "They are here!!"  MY heart dropped as I looked up and saw the birthparents.  They looked so young and were absolutely adorable.  They had such high energy it made everything easier, and I felt better being myself/high energy.  The BM was beautiful.  Gorgeous darkish red hair and gleaming bluish green eyes.  Fair skin, but not dull, almost like porcelain.  She was exactly my size,  plus a baby bump!  The BF looked straight out of a surfer magazine, about 5'11, athletic, with light brown hair and pretty blue eyes.  The agency suggests bringing a small gift for BM, so I got her a journal and the BF (can't leave him out!) a table top little football thing and scrabble bookmark (he loves to read).  I passed the gifts over and the BM squealed and opened the pink chevron bag, "OH WOW THANK YOU!"  Her face lit up, but not as much as the BF's when he said the bookmarks, "Oh my God, this is awesome.  AND IT'S scrabble?! I love scrabble!  We play it all the time!"  Score.


And then we started chatting.  They both had such magnetizing personalities.  I didn't expect it to be so 'easy' and not awkward.  They were both a riot, super goofy, and the sadness and negative feelings all sat quietly tucked under the table as we covered them up with getting to know about each other and even joking around!  Clearly we were all distracting ourselves from the hard part.  Which of course did come up, and at this point we were pretty comfortable with each other.  BM started to talk about why they are placing their baby girl up for adoption, and I started getting the ol lump in the throat.  The Social worker slide her a tissue.  Then BM looked up at me and tears were filling up in her sea-green eyes.  I said, "If you go, I go!" (the tears were already in the cannon!) and the social worker slide a tissue over my way, too.  She continued to talk and our tears remained quivering as we both tried to be strong.  Two minutes later we were all back to talking and joking.  There were a couple moments of tear welling, but overall, it was a very positive meeting.  The social worker mentioned multiple times how similar me and BM were, and that was a very cool thing to me.  Quite a compliment.

The BM and BF were just amazing.  Both highly intelligent, in college, but more importantly, such unique awesome personalities.  If all goes as planned, we will be raising one energetic, smart, funny, amazing little girl! 

I promised BM that we would give her child a very fun life, full of unconditional love and be surrounded by tons of family and friends.  I went to go on and she interrupted me and said, "I have no doubt in my mind about that, that is why I picked you."  She told us about how at her Dr appointment, while she was choosing between us and another family, when they asked where the adoptive parents lived, she said our area.  She said her gut decided for her at that moment.

The social worker at this point looked at me and said, "Do you want to tell her what you told me?"  WAY TO PUT ME ON THE SPOT lol!  I said, "The dreams?"  She said, "yea?" So, I did.  I felt comfortable enough with them both.  I said, "OK, well I have had both dreams and 'visions'' my whole life, kind of like predictions, lots of them accurate...OH GREAT now I sound crazy person!" (but they were cooky, so I knew they wouldn't even flinch) "But I have had multiple dreams/visions for the past 7 months that we end up bringing home a baby girl in July.  With reddish hair."  The BM was like, "That is amazing.  Weird thing, I get 'visions', too."   So, we are both pale faced freaks with big mouths and psychic dreams :) 

I was nervous when we left because there was talk that they had planned a baby shower.  That made me think about how they at some point felt they could do it themselves, enough to have a shower.  It had been lingering, so I emailed my social worker my concern.  She emailed me back more specifics of how they came to their final decision and said they were very mature and thoughtful and that these are the types of situations that work out, ones that have been well thought out.  It made me feel better.  Again, whatever happens happens, but of course I am absolutely terrified.  The situation seems so great and like the stars aligned so perfectly, and it would be an 'ideal' situation.  I know that fate is fate and God has a plan...and if bringing baby girl home forever is His plan for us, I sure like his style.

I am sure there are more details Im forgetting, and if you have questions just comment below.  My brain is on extreme overdrive and emotions flowin!  I want to thank all of you who have followed my story and been there, it honestly means more than you know.  Your care for us and our journey makes it more fun and we feel so supported.  The calls, texts and emails are overwhelmingly beautiful.  We are very very lucky people.  So thank you for that.

Taking out another tissue, waiting for you...I just want to hit Fast Forward and have you in my arms,
Bumpless Baby Mama