We Have Been Picked!!!

HOLY ROLLER COASTER!  The last 48 hours have started our adoption emotional horror!  My jaw is aching and head spinning, but we finally got some news.  Faster than we thought.  I will back up...Monday afternoon I got a message that a birthmother had taken our profile and someone else's home with her to 'stew' and choose and they would let us know by today.  I have been trying to distract myself while at the same time planning cause I am a MANIC PLANNER!

 The Last 48 hours

So today, I went into the chapel (that's right! I know where to find Jesus!) and prayed that the birthmother would find peace and confidence in whatever choice she makes, whether it be us or the other couple, or even deciding to not place the child.  As I sat back at my desk, my phone rang and the familiar number gleamed brighter than ever and I just knew it was the call.  I took the phone and ran down the hall like I was being chased by a bear, far away enough so nobody could hear me (just in case I DIDN'T really know and ended up weeping curled up in a ball in the corner).

 This could have been me, today.  Minus the glasses.  I am one ugly crier!

Our social worker screamed out, "Hey!  I have excellent news!"  She proceeded to tell me that we had been picked and the details of the birthmother and birthfather's situation, due date, and said they wanted to meet us!  OH MY.  This IS an open adoption, may as well start now?!  I want to keep some things private on here for now, so won't disclose some details, but I paced around the chapel with a huge smile, trying to also remember that things can still change, minds can change.  "So, what is the percentage of disappointment (what they call a birthmother changing their mind) at this stage?"  I sounded like the opposite of myself, logical and wanting numbers!  I am a normally emotionally driven person, but with big events I turn 'corperate' as my friends say. She said they don't keep those statistics, only disruptions (BM changing their mind AFTER placement) which is 8-12%.  I called the hubs with the update and we set a time to meet with them next week.  Then I pooped my pants.  Ok, I didn't.  But my heart did beat pretty far out of my chest, though my coworker said I was holding it together quite well.  I mean, this could be it.  If they don't change their minds, this IS it.  How fast this is all happening, yet I want it to speed up! 

I am filled with a flood of emotions from nervous to excited to trying SO hard not to be too excited, knowing they could still change their mind from now until 10 days after the baby is born.  Do you let yourself feel the feelings of excitement or do you push them back to protect yourself?  Whatever my body is doing with those feelings, a lot is going on in there!  My abdomen is burning up and my jaw is still aching with tension!  We don't know the gender yet, the social worker said she'd check to see if she can tell us or the birthmother wants to tell us.  How strange, the birthmother said she picked us because her and I have the exact same hobbies and she felt we were so similar it was scary!  Pretty cool.  She sings and dances, draws, paints and even writes poetry!  I don't know if I know one other person who writes poetry (in my life).  God does amazing things.  Though things can always change, I am excited to see where this ends up. 

Is it you, little bean?  Is it really you?
Bumpless Baby Mama