So the BFF was asking if I'd want to do a shower before or after a lil bean comes. This is something I have come across in #adoptionforums. Seems another adoption topic that people feel passionately one way or the other. There is the school of thought that a shower should be afterwards so you don't stare at all of the baby goodies while you are waiting for Godot. Along those lines, if there is what we call a 'disappointment' or 'disruption' where the #birthmother either changes her mind while pregnant or after the child is placed with you, you do not have to weep while again, staring at fuzzy bunnies and a car seat. I do agree it would be devastating to come home after spending 2 weeks with a child in a hotel in another state, empty handed. And yes, it would add to the heart rupture if there was an empty crib with a white elephant staring at you as you walked by. That is why there are doors. Shut them. OK, that was a little flip, and I am half joking. I know it is the best thing for a lot of people to wait. But I have read the other school of thought and think I relate more to it. Probably MOSTLY because I am a neurotic planner as we have discussed.
So yes, I found forums where people discussed how they were firm on not having a shower until after and then were kicking themselves in the buttox later. For two reasons that most the articles had in common. 1. You may want to use some of that stuff right away, like a diaper genie or the trillions of onesies and burp cloths you go through. Or that lil Tee-Pee thing that blocks urine from spraying in your face as lil bean boy whizzes on you. 2. They felt they did not have any identity as a parent since they did not go through pregnancy and didn't even get to prep a nursery or get to share the excitement and anticipation that those with baby bumps get to. Some people who DID have a #babyshower beforehand, spoke about how it was somehow a huge part of how they identified themselves as a parent. I can see that, even just getting a crib bedding set the other day made me feel a little closer to motherhood with the wooooooodgggie lillll baby bunnnnnnywunnnny on it. Oh, sorry, I'm back. So maybe they are onto something. So that could be an icing on my planner cake. My cake is made up of my reasoning/rationalizing of planning, getting only gender neutral items and being blessed with a large storage area where we can tuck everything away until we bring home a bean, far away in the corner of our basement. THOUGH, being the #planner that I am, I am sure as I am waiting I will be setting up certain things. And if we have to go through the devastation of a #disruption in the process, we will come home, keep that door to fairy land shut and I will weep for approximately 5000 days and go through the process and get back up again. I am sure you can not prepare for going through that pain, but with anything, you have to deal with it if and when it comes and get back up on that pony! There are a ton of thing in life I had never even THOUGHT would happen (dad's brain cancer, going through dad's 3 divorces, losing a good friend at 18, etc.) and I have made it through it all. And knowing we have the most amazing #friends and fam out there (NOT BIASED AT ALL!), I know eeeverrayyytttiiings gonna be awwwriiight, no woman no cryyyy! Unless it's me and BM takes her baby back. But shh. Anyway. Time to go not organize the baby hats and socks that I just put in baskets. Nope. Totally not going to do that. Color coding what? Nope not me ;)
Planning on not waiting to Wait to Plan,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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