Who, Me? A Control Freak?

Alright, so as a Taurus, one of my traits is being stubborn because we fear losing control.  For a New Year's Resolution I am going to let go of control!  And stop lying.  Because I do not ever do New Year's Resolutions.  BUT, speaking of control, in adoption you have plenty of it until you are placed into the waiting pool (not to be confused with wading pool but quite similar).  This is the part I fear.  I mean I have managed everything (Mike has his input, preferences, too, but as you know, if you know us in real life, he is a lot more easy going than this guy right here...*motioning really corny thumbs facing my chest).  From the beginning you have control, though it is as stressful as applying to colleges to find an agency to do the home study if you are as black and white as me and those delicious cookies in New York. You take control of the home study (which I recommend doing because you are a big part of how quickly your home study goes, get that paperwork done as fast as you can you lil choo choo train that could!).  You control whether you adopt a child from the U.S., the age of your child, if that child is exposed to alcohol or drugs in the womb, if there is mental illness that is known in their family tree, and in some cases even gender.  You control how you present yourself on the wanna be snapfish book, what race the child will be, if you will keep in touch with the birth mother, and more.  You control how much money you spend.  But if you want a healthy infant, get ready to make some major adjustments in life and possibly sell your soul.  And I hope you like pasta.  And Sephora and I are getting a divorce.

And you control that lovely 400 page spreadsheet documenting everything.  I found myself taking on a whole new level of OCD on the things I COULD control because I knew the big loss of control is to come!  You don't control when you receive your child, you don't control the birth mother's decision on if she changes her mind and wants to keep the child, a lot of the time you don't know if the father is a coke snorter or if he will show up and want the child during the period he has the legal right to take custody.  In our case, we do not know if we will be matched with a birth mother 5 months before birth or get a call during a cozy sleep in the middle of the night saying, "Someone here at ________ hospital just gave birth and would like to match with you.  You must come now."  Then you have to pack up and go live in a hotel for up to 14 days.  OH that should be a breeze, discovering motherhood in a hotel!  At least there are maids!  But on the gooshy side of me, my biggest fear is holding 'our child' in our arms for 2 weeks and the birth mother changing her mind.  Not that I would be angry, these birth mother's go through so much pain and I would understand completely, but that won't lesson our pain.  I imagine it would feel like the hulk socking you right in the gut and then twisting your heart.  A million times.  But with anything in life, you grieve and get back on the adoption saddle.  And eat donuts...and lucky for us adoptive mothers, drink wine.

Saddled up and waiting,
Bumpless Baby Mama