So being the planner-pants that I am, I am trying to build a network so when I am a stay-at-home mama I will know other stay-at-home mamas and adoptive mothers in the 'hood! I posted on our online #community page asking if there were any adoption support groups and though there aren't, people showed interest, so we are going to start one! I met with one of the mothers today who adopted twice. I have met other #women through groups in the hood (two of them are actually great friends of mine now), and the first meeting always feels like online dating. You stand at the door of the meeting location slyly looking around trying to match the profile picture to an actual person. Luckily today, she recognized me and came over. I love meeting new people so I am not shy, but there is still that awkward scanning the room looking like, "Where's Waldo??" minus the peppermint stripes. At least there is no awkward 'reach' into the wallet at the end of your 'date'.
I do suggest meeting fellow #adoptiveparents BEFORE you adopt, while you are in the actual process of losing your mind. I advise this for a few reasons. A few meaning 5 because I am too verbose for 3.
1.) Having people close by that you can talk to during the process is super important! Bottom line, adopting is not #pregnancy, and our preggo friends don't understand our stresses/emotional turmoil just like we don't understand their vomitous mornings and elephantiasis of the feet. Not saying to ditch your other #friends, I talk to my BFF every day after work and though our lives are very different, we talk about anything from deep chats to singing made up songs at the top of our lunges to me getting hugs from her kids through facetime. She has been my best #support after the husband of course! We are not in the waiting process yet, but I am glad to start setting up a support where when I reach the day of, "OMG WHEN IS OUR #CHILD COMING!!!!" after 5 months, I will have people reassure me that it will all be ok, because they did it and it was ok :) There is just something to be said for knowing people who have been through the same thing. It is like your friend having a huge pimple on her forehead at the same time as you. You are in it together!
2.) Having a #supportgroup set up before it all happens (because it CAN happen quickly, it all depends), is also good for when you get back from picking up your lil bean, and you are too wiped to think about getting dressed let alone joining a group or trying to set up mommy and me groups. You will come home and have people who know what you are going through. Besides #motherhood, there is the addition of #bonding with your child. This can be harder for adoptive parents, and if you are having trouble with it, you can ask your fellow AMs how they dealt with it. I mean, I will have no boob to coerce them with! Not the AMs, the #baby!
3.) Already having friends in the #adoptioncommunity also sets up friends for your child as they get older! What a nice perk, two lil buds that both came from a heart bump! #Adoptedchildren may have unique issues or questions and having older adoptive friends who have gone through it or peers the same age to grow up together and not feel like the only adopted child, is a wonderful thing! Not saying all adoptive children have these feelings, but from my research and experience speaking with others, it can be common for questions and yearning for closure depending on the situation.
4.) If you can get into a fancy lil adoption group during your home study it is even better because you will have a network of people to tell you what #adoptionagencies they used, suggest snazzy but cheap lawyers, recommendations on enough books to make your eyes bleed, etc. I definitely wished I had met more people in the beginning so I wouldn't have had to spent 500,000 hours on the phone with every agency in the US! You get the real deal/no bs truths about which agencies aren't going to surprise you with additional costs (ramen noodles for life), advice on how open you should be (let's not spend every weekend with birth mama), and how to spot scam artists (Oh look at that, she took our 20k then changed her mind about placing the child), etc. That last one is part of why we went with an agency, which will be another post. There is a whooooole world of crazy that can be avoided if you know good people that have been through it all!
5.) Who the hell doesn't want new friends! And the adoptive community is a beautiful one. Every single person I have met that is adopting or has, seems to have a uniquely beautiful heart and always eager to share and help. And they just love their little heart bumps and all of them say how much the insane process is worth it!
Friending the world, one adoptive parent at a time,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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