Well, it happened. I guess #AdpotionSUPPORTgroup, does in fact, just mean that. Support. Everything I hoped it was not, it was. Definitely glowing fluorescent lights hitting us in all the wrong places. Definitely people crying. MULTIPLE people crying! I am not saying I never cry in life, don't get me wrong. But it made me feel awkward. I don't cry with strangers. Except that homeless man on U st., but that's another blog. And a lie. I didn't cry with a homeless man on U st, but I did hug him and gave him all my money circa 2008. See, I don't have a black hole where my heart is supposed to be. So back at it...we basically went around talking about our 'story'. Mine was short and sweet. And happy. One of the others' was short and sweet and twice as happy, as she has 2 adopted Heartbeans already! We would have both passed the timer test (see yesterday's post). The others failed the timer tests 50 times over. I get it, they needed it. They weren't talking about infertility/hard stuff per say, just more about anything and everything related to adoption, but somehow filled with tears of emotion, good and bad. Again, it was a support group. I have never been to one so I did not realize the severity of emotion exuding from the participants. I watched the clock like I was in 10th grade science class, and two hours later I bolted out the door as they all chatted outside of the library. I literally jogged across the street into my safe haven and blasted happy tunes on the ride home. Hubs asked about the group, and after relaying my thoughts, I told him a comment I made and asked if it was bad and he responded a quick, "Yes, pretty bad."
What comment you ask? Well, there was one gal, let's call her Weeping Willow, who took the stage for I'd say 1.25 hrs, was crying a good amount. I AM NOT JUDGING. Lots of people cry over all sorts of things. I get it. So she was relaying an international adoption story (not hers) about a child who came down to the lobby of the building and didn't want to leave with the adoptive parents, and they stood there with their blanket for a half an hour. Then the adoptive parents took out some gold fish crackers and she came over. While she told the story, tears were streaming down her face. I felt awkward and out of my mouth came my sarcasm that never knows its place, "Ya, those gold fish always get me, too." Everyone looked over at me with blank stares. I continued on and pointed to my heart, "Yep, gold fish get me right here. Love those little guys." My friend in the group started laughing, knowing my humor, and others, well...didn't seem amused and let out forced half laughs and continued to listen to the weeping woman in seat 1. I meant it as the gold fish lure me in as well (obviously a joke)...but it could have been taken as stop crying over freakin gold fish, too. And clearly it was not an appropriate time to make a joke. But that is how I deal with life, I laugh, I make the best of things and try to see the silver lining. Does it make me a bad person? No. Does it make me inappropriate? Sometimes. I think I will sit this group out and leave it to those who need to vent/cry it out. Who is to say I never will! They say never say never in adoption! Or anywhere, but in the adoption world there are a whole bunch of 'I would never do that.' I will actually do a separate posts on all of the "I will nevers!" that I have heard...become realities :)
After the leader posted a follow up message I said I will likely be breaking off into a different group that is more of a social/going out group. Maybe I didn't have to share that info, but they had accommodated this week's meeting to my schedule since I was the one who got this thing going, so I felt a need to let them know to, well, not accommodate me anymore. So, I will start a new group, maybe focus more on the networking/social side. Leaving the word 'support' out of the equation. The irony is, if you know me, you know I truly have a huge heart and am there for my friends whenever they need me, but for some reason this was not my cup of tea. or coffee. or any cup I want to drink out of in the near future. My mom called this morning asking how it was and when I told her, I knew immediately where my cold NY blood had bubbled up from, as her faint accent came over the phone, "Oh forget that, you don't need people crying all over like that. I went to one of those once, it was just awful!"
Ready to meet your ever so supportive mama and grandmama yet, heartbean?
Bumpless Baby Mama
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