Bonding with Your Adopted Child

Well, if you know me, you know I can bond with a damn ant, so this hasn't been much of a concern for me, but is to many adoptive parents.  "Will I feel like their 'real' parent?"  "When will we bond?"  "What if we never bond??"  Some of these questions are not asked out loud, some are questions friends and family wonder about the adoptive parents, also wondering if they will feel like the child is their 'real' niece, grandchild, etc.  You hear very rare horror stories of people actually sending their child back or putting them into foster/not completing the adoption.  So these are valid questions for people to have.  For me, our baby will be our baby the second our legal risk period ends, and probably before (emotionally), which may be hard to avoid.  I feel it will come quite natural to me, as I tend to bond quickly with anything from new people I meet to donuts.  But here are some steps that you should take to help the bond move along if you are having issues or fear you may.  Secret: The more you think about it, the more you may not bond as quickly.  That is just my guess...it is like when you are in a relationship and insecure, you put out those vibes and everyone knows, those vibes are OOOOGLY vibes to have saturating your aura!



1.  Remember that cute little outfit you picked out for him/her to come home in?  Don't wash it.  You heard/read me right.  Keep that shiz all dirtied up and near him when he is in his napper (I know this may not be a word, but I don't want to say in crib because you shouldn't leave loose clothes near them while they sleep at night, because...we know why.  Danger, danger!).  Babies are very sensitive to smells, so keeping a familiar smell near them can soothe them.  Yes, that includes your smell if you were there from day 1, so snuggle up real close to your little bean as well!

 Hmm, I hope it is THAT smell and not the other.

2.  Speaking of snuggling!  You can not spoil a new baby with too much attention!  Just the act of snuggling is VERY comforting and bonding for a baby (and a bumpless mama).  Skin to skin contact is best, and even if you are bottle feeding, having that contact will intensify bonding, according to some study somewhere that I read at some moment in the last 10 months of my life.

3.  I know you are tired, but when that baby cries, you respond ASAP! Babies are building their trust in the first couple of months and need to know you are ALWAYS there!  Don't try to ever teach babies to 'cry it out' at such an early age, it will not work- the rule of thumb is to respond within 15 seconds!  GO FAST RABBIT GO!

 I don't care if you are tired, RUN!

4.  Take control over that lil bean!  This one may seem over the top, but due to this being an adoption, there are numerous articles that suggest that YOU and your spouse (or just you if you are single) are the sole primary caretakers for the first month.  That means the regular cleaning a la butt, feeding that crazy lil monster when they scream, testing out your newest 'rocking to sleep' tactic and some even suggest that the first month YOU be the only ones giving hugs and kisses.  There is no way that will work in my family, and I don't want it to.  Sorry kiddo, we are Italian!

 We are a loving bunch, us Italians!

5.  Talk to them!  Cooing, goo goo gaing and all that crazy baby shiz happens for a reason.  They love it!  You may look insane, but they like it and it builds a bond between you.  I personally recommend lots of singing, but that is merely because I want our child to be the next American Idol.   Eye contact is very important as well.  Not like non-stop creepy mamabear stare, but it can help the bond.  Do not overstimulate by being too loud or shaky right up in their nugget...but if you do, they will usually let you know :)  Just having a baby near you when you talk to each other can be almost as good, just hearing your voices!  With all of my accents and weird voices I make, our child may think they have 9 moms.  Kinda like me! 

Too Legit to Quit!

6. Ask for help!  A lot of us hate asking for help...including myself.  Unless it is Mike, then I become helpless and can't possibly reach the upper cabinet or lift that heavy trash can! ;)  Joking aside, you may need it!  If you feel you aren't bonding as quickly, it could be from your own exhaustion or depression, even.  So ask family or friends to maybe take a shift if it is convenient once in a while.  And if you are showing signs of consistent depression, see your doctor!  Adoptive parents CAN also get Postpartum depression.  That will be another entry.  Hate to end it on that note, but can't win em all!

Well YOU can, future baby.  You will clearly be a winner.  God, I hope I don't end up on Dance Moms.

Picturing you wiggle around on the stage in that awful wig,
Bumpless Baby Mama