So my bff asked me to start registering for #babyshower stuffs. I
have talked about the whole shower-before-match thing in a past post if
you haven't read my viewpoint on it. Anyway, I am on the #Target website
and it makes me sad for these reasons:
1. They have
some really cute #genderspecific stuff. I mean yes , it'd be fun to
register for precious pink polka dot sheets or a blue elephant lamp! I
am teetering on both genders with a lovely sage green (which IS my fav
color, so it's ok, I will be ok!) and brown. I hate yellow. With a
passion.
2. I repeat, I hate yellow. And basically everything
neutral gendered is yellow. It does not bring me sunshine happy
feelings like it should, just makes me wanna vomit.
3. They have NO #neutral socks
on Target's website. I mean what about us neutral folks!? My baby
wants warm feet, too! So I settled for a 6 pack of giraffe socks, that
come as close to neutral as they can. But they are all giraffes. I
have a feeling we will all get sick of those long necked tree eaters!
4. My favorite hamper is not available anymore. Why put it on the website if you don't have it? Sheer torture!
5.
My favorite infant snug ride #carseat did not have a matching
stroller. This seems like a lame weep-causing fact, but if you had my
matching OCD craziness you'd get it.
Reasons their website made me happy!
1.
I don't have to buy nipple cream or a breast pump! I know a lot of
women get excited and paying for boob related products is totally worth
it, but I have never and will never have that longing for a lil bean to
latch on for the hunger ride. Here is your #bottle, kiddo, enjoy!
2.
It is majorly fun creating a #nursery in my creative lil breain. I love
to #decorate, and since we are on a tighter budget these days, I
haven't been able to change things around as much (#ADD meets #OCD). So
this 'must have' change has filled that redecorating void! OH the fun
of picturing it all in my head and buying fun #organizational baskets and
registering for that adoooorbs monkey changing pad cover! Sheer joy.
3.
It is fun not having to register for/buy everything because I have the
bestest friends ever who have donated their old items to our future
bean. We sure have good people in our lives.
4. Target has a
baby checklist which makes this process easier, cause lord knows I had
no idea how many swaddles and fitted sheets we will need. Guess those #
babies are messy ;)
5. I see things I can buy after we officially
'have' our baby that are gender specific and SOO CUUUUTE! Can't wait
to sprinkle some pink or blue on top of that green!
Clicking on sage green items, wondering where and who you are,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
The Curveball Has Been Thrown!
The never ending #adoptionprofile book has...well...not ended! My bestie looked over it this weekend and loved it! This was huge for me because I value her opinion so much, and she tells it like it is so I KNOW her feelings are true. Getting her stamp of approval has always given me a big ol smile. That is what BFF's are for right?! She is the logical side opposite my emotional side as we grew up together since we were 10! She combed through it, we are giving it to the hubs bestie to eagle eye and maybe some others if we have time. It kind of reminds me of trying on a wedding dress. If you have too many people with you, there are too many opinions and it gets overwhelming, so sticking to 2 or 3 seems like a good plan for us! Which brings me to the curveball. Expect the unexpected they say!
I want to preface this with this disclaimer for our friends and family who read this blog :)
Please do not ask details. I am posting this merely as an update, but please respect our privacy as far as details go. This blog is used as an account of our journey for us to look back on and to help others in the situation and for people to get a better understanding about adoption and things that can happen. The odds of this particular 'match' working are very slim and we do not even know the people, so as much as we all want to get excited and of course it would be neat if it worked out, we do not want to get ahead of ourselves, as there are MANY variables in the adoption process. Many thing that we would not 'match' on, distance, the amount of openness both of us want, etc. Thanks for your understanding!
For privacy reasons, I am going to be VERY vague. But a distant person that by chance was 'brought to us' through someone else, is placing their child up for adoption upon delivery. It is said they are 100% set on it. We do not know this person from a can of paint, really, but is this meant to be? The timing is right considering we have not given our first BIG chunk of change to our agency yet. That goes alongside our profile book when we turn that in. I am not getting my hopes up at all because:
1. We don't know them from a can of paint. (LOVE that saying, just heard it recently!)
2. Birthmother could obviously change her mind at any time.
3. We do not know if we are even a 'match' as far as all of those checkboxes you ink in at an agency. This is a huge question mark.
4. We would have to go through just an attorney...which is cheaper, but risky and no handholding like at the agency. If the BM changes her mind, we do not get put back into a pool like with an agency, and most likely lose some cash. Is that worth saving the insane amount of money you pay an agency and losing a few months of your timeline? Perhaps.
SO...we have begun talking to this woman just to see if it is even a possibility. I feel awful jabbing questions at her, but we need answers because we were planning on putting our book in next week, and if this may happen we will have to put a hold on it! So I feel a tense timeline. I try to fluff it up and show an empathetic heart in between the interrogations, "Why are you placing?" "When are you due?" "What is the gender?" "Did you smoke a doooobie while you were prego?" "How open of an adoption are you looking for?" You can imagine the weirdness that comes along with having to be the one to ask the questions, rather than the agency being the middle man. And I feel bad for her, going through all of this and having to play 20 questions. Feels weird and icky, but God will guide us through it and has a plan.
I was going to keep this private, but this is an honest blog and knowing things can go topsy turvy right when you think you have a plan is important to know. We are still somewhat in control, and is it a coincidence this comes right before we put in our book and are officially 'in' ? Time will tell. Let the emotional roller coaster they call adoption, begin!
Your Nervous Wreck of a Mother, eating Soy Ice Cream, is waiting for you however you come to us!
Bumpless Baby Mama
I want to preface this with this disclaimer for our friends and family who read this blog :)
Please do not ask details. I am posting this merely as an update, but please respect our privacy as far as details go. This blog is used as an account of our journey for us to look back on and to help others in the situation and for people to get a better understanding about adoption and things that can happen. The odds of this particular 'match' working are very slim and we do not even know the people, so as much as we all want to get excited and of course it would be neat if it worked out, we do not want to get ahead of ourselves, as there are MANY variables in the adoption process. Many thing that we would not 'match' on, distance, the amount of openness both of us want, etc. Thanks for your understanding!
For privacy reasons, I am going to be VERY vague. But a distant person that by chance was 'brought to us' through someone else, is placing their child up for adoption upon delivery. It is said they are 100% set on it. We do not know this person from a can of paint, really, but is this meant to be? The timing is right considering we have not given our first BIG chunk of change to our agency yet. That goes alongside our profile book when we turn that in. I am not getting my hopes up at all because:
1. We don't know them from a can of paint. (LOVE that saying, just heard it recently!)
2. Birthmother could obviously change her mind at any time.
3. We do not know if we are even a 'match' as far as all of those checkboxes you ink in at an agency. This is a huge question mark.
4. We would have to go through just an attorney...which is cheaper, but risky and no handholding like at the agency. If the BM changes her mind, we do not get put back into a pool like with an agency, and most likely lose some cash. Is that worth saving the insane amount of money you pay an agency and losing a few months of your timeline? Perhaps.
SO...we have begun talking to this woman just to see if it is even a possibility. I feel awful jabbing questions at her, but we need answers because we were planning on putting our book in next week, and if this may happen we will have to put a hold on it! So I feel a tense timeline. I try to fluff it up and show an empathetic heart in between the interrogations, "Why are you placing?" "When are you due?" "What is the gender?" "Did you smoke a doooobie while you were prego?" "How open of an adoption are you looking for?" You can imagine the weirdness that comes along with having to be the one to ask the questions, rather than the agency being the middle man. And I feel bad for her, going through all of this and having to play 20 questions. Feels weird and icky, but God will guide us through it and has a plan.
I was going to keep this private, but this is an honest blog and knowing things can go topsy turvy right when you think you have a plan is important to know. We are still somewhat in control, and is it a coincidence this comes right before we put in our book and are officially 'in' ? Time will tell. Let the emotional roller coaster they call adoption, begin!
Your Nervous Wreck of a Mother, eating Soy Ice Cream, is waiting for you however you come to us!
Bumpless Baby Mama
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Things People Think They Will Never Do In Adoption: Open Adoption
There are a ton of thing in life in general that we never think will happen to us, or things we will never 'do' and we end up doing them. Like dating that guy who had jail tatooed in his mouth. In the adoption world it seems quite common that "never" turns into reality. Here is one of the choices #adoptiveparents say they will never do but end up doing. I will add more as I experience them :)
Having an open adoption: a very common one! I am guilty of this one myself! When entering into the adoption world, I was hell bent against #openadoption (where the child and adoptive parents are in touch with the birthmother/parents). I didn't even realize how common it was, but did not get it at all. Wouldn't that confuse the child?!? What if my child ends up wishing they still lived with their #birthmother and down the road they use it against me? Though I threatened to run away to my dads as a teenager, guess it isn't too different ;) What if the birth mother changes her mind and breaks into our house and kidnaps the child at 3 am, ski mask on and my child's face becomes placed on milk cartons around the US and next thing you know I am writing a weepy novel! These extreme thoughts did not seem that extreme to me before we were educated by our agency classes. We read a pile of books and articles on benefits of open adoption, risks of open adoption, history of open adoption, how open is open adoption, are you open to open? Then open your heart to open! There is tons of research backing up the fact that it is really good for everyone, especially the child, to have at least #semi-openadoption, which is what we are doing. This is where you send pictures and letters and maybe have a visit with the birthmother a year. We chose to start with that. Having an open adoption gives the child answers to their questions, closure and who doesn't want another person in their life to shower them with love, hugs and pride?! Lord knows I will take all of that I can get! I have 2 ex step-moms and let them continue to love the hell outta me though they are long gone from our family unit! SURE, there are risks with open adoption, especially with more frequent contact, but overall research proves open adoption to be more beneficial than risky. Kind of like falling in love. Even if that crap goes sour you get something out of it!
Now, some people choose to have open adoption like hhhhaard core open adoption, as in monthly dinners at Aunt Tilda's, pictures with Mickey Mouse and birthmom?! at Disney , Birthmom stockings hung by the chimney with care on Christmas, and watch as birthmama helps blow out your 6th bday candles! To me, I would not feel comfortable or like that was necessary, but more power to the people who want that relationship. People describe some birth mothers as their extended family. Which makes sense since, technically you are related, your lil bean came straight outta their...umm...love bucket! But as far as what the hubs and I are comfy with, I do not plan on that ever happening (maybe another never say never post??). That being said, it isn't always our choice anyway. Sometimes birthmothers are more present in the beginning, especially in the first year for all of the milestones, watchin lil bean's first spit ups and waddles, and through the healing/letting go process. Often times then then drift away because a) it is too hard on them to stay in the child's life, even if it is a small amount or b) they 'move on' with their own life, maybe they get married and have children when they are more capable of caring for a child or 3) other reasons I do not know yet. That is a risk you take with open adoption, because yes, that may be strange/hard on the child for the birthmother to disappear. This tends to happen in the earlier years when the child isn't that aware. So you have to weigh for yourself which is more important to you as far as the pros and cons of open adoption. There are TONS of articles and research online discussing this subject. So, if you are adopting, go grab yourself a huge bowl of ice cream, maybe some relaxing wine and type Open Adoption into your lil google page. Good luck out there! You may fall in!
I got plenty of moms, what is a visit with one more!? Me and all your stepgrandmoms are waiting, lil bean,
Bumpless Baby mama
Having an open adoption: a very common one! I am guilty of this one myself! When entering into the adoption world, I was hell bent against #openadoption (where the child and adoptive parents are in touch with the birthmother/parents). I didn't even realize how common it was, but did not get it at all. Wouldn't that confuse the child?!? What if my child ends up wishing they still lived with their #birthmother and down the road they use it against me? Though I threatened to run away to my dads as a teenager, guess it isn't too different ;) What if the birth mother changes her mind and breaks into our house and kidnaps the child at 3 am, ski mask on and my child's face becomes placed on milk cartons around the US and next thing you know I am writing a weepy novel! These extreme thoughts did not seem that extreme to me before we were educated by our agency classes. We read a pile of books and articles on benefits of open adoption, risks of open adoption, history of open adoption, how open is open adoption, are you open to open? Then open your heart to open! There is tons of research backing up the fact that it is really good for everyone, especially the child, to have at least #semi-openadoption, which is what we are doing. This is where you send pictures and letters and maybe have a visit with the birthmother a year. We chose to start with that. Having an open adoption gives the child answers to their questions, closure and who doesn't want another person in their life to shower them with love, hugs and pride?! Lord knows I will take all of that I can get! I have 2 ex step-moms and let them continue to love the hell outta me though they are long gone from our family unit! SURE, there are risks with open adoption, especially with more frequent contact, but overall research proves open adoption to be more beneficial than risky. Kind of like falling in love. Even if that crap goes sour you get something out of it!
Now, some people choose to have open adoption like hhhhaard core open adoption, as in monthly dinners at Aunt Tilda's, pictures with Mickey Mouse and birthmom?! at Disney , Birthmom stockings hung by the chimney with care on Christmas, and watch as birthmama helps blow out your 6th bday candles! To me, I would not feel comfortable or like that was necessary, but more power to the people who want that relationship. People describe some birth mothers as their extended family. Which makes sense since, technically you are related, your lil bean came straight outta their...umm...love bucket! But as far as what the hubs and I are comfy with, I do not plan on that ever happening (maybe another never say never post??). That being said, it isn't always our choice anyway. Sometimes birthmothers are more present in the beginning, especially in the first year for all of the milestones, watchin lil bean's first spit ups and waddles, and through the healing/letting go process. Often times then then drift away because a) it is too hard on them to stay in the child's life, even if it is a small amount or b) they 'move on' with their own life, maybe they get married and have children when they are more capable of caring for a child or 3) other reasons I do not know yet. That is a risk you take with open adoption, because yes, that may be strange/hard on the child for the birthmother to disappear. This tends to happen in the earlier years when the child isn't that aware. So you have to weigh for yourself which is more important to you as far as the pros and cons of open adoption. There are TONS of articles and research online discussing this subject. So, if you are adopting, go grab yourself a huge bowl of ice cream, maybe some relaxing wine and type Open Adoption into your lil google page. Good luck out there! You may fall in!
I got plenty of moms, what is a visit with one more!? Me and all your stepgrandmoms are waiting, lil bean,
Bumpless Baby mama
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Adoption Support Group Is Just That, Weeping Willow, and You Can Take the Girl Out Of New York!
Well, it happened. I guess #AdpotionSUPPORTgroup, does in fact, just mean that. Support. Everything I hoped it was not, it was. Definitely glowing fluorescent lights hitting us in all the wrong places. Definitely people crying. MULTIPLE people crying! I am not saying I never cry in life, don't get me wrong. But it made me feel awkward. I don't cry with strangers. Except that homeless man on U st., but that's another blog. And a lie. I didn't cry with a homeless man on U st, but I did hug him and gave him all my money circa 2008. See, I don't have a black hole where my heart is supposed to be. So back at it...we basically went around talking about our 'story'. Mine was short and sweet. And happy. One of the others' was short and sweet and twice as happy, as she has 2 adopted Heartbeans already! We would have both passed the timer test (see yesterday's post). The others failed the timer tests 50 times over. I get it, they needed it. They weren't talking about infertility/hard stuff per say, just more about anything and everything related to adoption, but somehow filled with tears of emotion, good and bad. Again, it was a support group. I have never been to one so I did not realize the severity of emotion exuding from the participants. I watched the clock like I was in 10th grade science class, and two hours later I bolted out the door as they all chatted outside of the library. I literally jogged across the street into my safe haven and blasted happy tunes on the ride home. Hubs asked about the group, and after relaying my thoughts, I told him a comment I made and asked if it was bad and he responded a quick, "Yes, pretty bad."
What comment you ask? Well, there was one gal, let's call her Weeping Willow, who took the stage for I'd say 1.25 hrs, was crying a good amount. I AM NOT JUDGING. Lots of people cry over all sorts of things. I get it. So she was relaying an international adoption story (not hers) about a child who came down to the lobby of the building and didn't want to leave with the adoptive parents, and they stood there with their blanket for a half an hour. Then the adoptive parents took out some gold fish crackers and she came over. While she told the story, tears were streaming down her face. I felt awkward and out of my mouth came my sarcasm that never knows its place, "Ya, those gold fish always get me, too." Everyone looked over at me with blank stares. I continued on and pointed to my heart, "Yep, gold fish get me right here. Love those little guys." My friend in the group started laughing, knowing my humor, and others, well...didn't seem amused and let out forced half laughs and continued to listen to the weeping woman in seat 1. I meant it as the gold fish lure me in as well (obviously a joke)...but it could have been taken as stop crying over freakin gold fish, too. And clearly it was not an appropriate time to make a joke. But that is how I deal with life, I laugh, I make the best of things and try to see the silver lining. Does it make me a bad person? No. Does it make me inappropriate? Sometimes. I think I will sit this group out and leave it to those who need to vent/cry it out. Who is to say I never will! They say never say never in adoption! Or anywhere, but in the adoption world there are a whole bunch of 'I would never do that.' I will actually do a separate posts on all of the "I will nevers!" that I have heard...become realities :)
After the leader posted a follow up message I said I will likely be breaking off into a different group that is more of a social/going out group. Maybe I didn't have to share that info, but they had accommodated this week's meeting to my schedule since I was the one who got this thing going, so I felt a need to let them know to, well, not accommodate me anymore. So, I will start a new group, maybe focus more on the networking/social side. Leaving the word 'support' out of the equation. The irony is, if you know me, you know I truly have a huge heart and am there for my friends whenever they need me, but for some reason this was not my cup of tea. or coffee. or any cup I want to drink out of in the near future. My mom called this morning asking how it was and when I told her, I knew immediately where my cold NY blood had bubbled up from, as her faint accent came over the phone, "Oh forget that, you don't need people crying all over like that. I went to one of those once, it was just awful!"
Ready to meet your ever so supportive mama and grandmama yet, heartbean?
Bumpless Baby Mama
What comment you ask? Well, there was one gal, let's call her Weeping Willow, who took the stage for I'd say 1.25 hrs, was crying a good amount. I AM NOT JUDGING. Lots of people cry over all sorts of things. I get it. So she was relaying an international adoption story (not hers) about a child who came down to the lobby of the building and didn't want to leave with the adoptive parents, and they stood there with their blanket for a half an hour. Then the adoptive parents took out some gold fish crackers and she came over. While she told the story, tears were streaming down her face. I felt awkward and out of my mouth came my sarcasm that never knows its place, "Ya, those gold fish always get me, too." Everyone looked over at me with blank stares. I continued on and pointed to my heart, "Yep, gold fish get me right here. Love those little guys." My friend in the group started laughing, knowing my humor, and others, well...didn't seem amused and let out forced half laughs and continued to listen to the weeping woman in seat 1. I meant it as the gold fish lure me in as well (obviously a joke)...but it could have been taken as stop crying over freakin gold fish, too. And clearly it was not an appropriate time to make a joke. But that is how I deal with life, I laugh, I make the best of things and try to see the silver lining. Does it make me a bad person? No. Does it make me inappropriate? Sometimes. I think I will sit this group out and leave it to those who need to vent/cry it out. Who is to say I never will! They say never say never in adoption! Or anywhere, but in the adoption world there are a whole bunch of 'I would never do that.' I will actually do a separate posts on all of the "I will nevers!" that I have heard...become realities :)
After the leader posted a follow up message I said I will likely be breaking off into a different group that is more of a social/going out group. Maybe I didn't have to share that info, but they had accommodated this week's meeting to my schedule since I was the one who got this thing going, so I felt a need to let them know to, well, not accommodate me anymore. So, I will start a new group, maybe focus more on the networking/social side. Leaving the word 'support' out of the equation. The irony is, if you know me, you know I truly have a huge heart and am there for my friends whenever they need me, but for some reason this was not my cup of tea. or coffee. or any cup I want to drink out of in the near future. My mom called this morning asking how it was and when I told her, I knew immediately where my cold NY blood had bubbled up from, as her faint accent came over the phone, "Oh forget that, you don't need people crying all over like that. I went to one of those once, it was just awful!"
Ready to meet your ever so supportive mama and grandmama yet, heartbean?
Bumpless Baby Mama
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
My Rules for Adoption Support Groups, OH look, We Are Accepted and Erykah Badu Has Nothing on My Husband!
So we had kept ourselves on #Adoption gency A's waiting list to go into their pool JUST IN CASE for some odd reason we weren't accepted into Agency B (they found out about our Meth Lab, etc. JOKE , people, joke!). So today Agency A wrote us saying we are next to go into their pool from the wait list (we were put on in July). How cray is thaaaaaaat- that wasn't a typo, I really say cray. I am 33 going on 15. Anyway, imagine waiting to wait. In Agency A you are on a wait list of about 15 people until you go into the actual pool of 30ish people where you wait an average of 1-3 years. You see why we chose Agency B. No wait list, you are straight VIP from the getgo and most people adopt within a year. So Agency A asked if we wanted in the pool or were accepted to the other program. I knew Agency B had gotten our clearances back, but did that mean we were accepted? I was kind of waiting for a letter, so instead I wrote them. OH, we are accepted. That would have been nice information to know. I am kind of worrying about their communication at this point, but we are in it to win it, now! I told Agency A to take us off their waiting list, that we are VIP elsewhere. So it is Facebook official: We are working with a #placementagency! Thank goodness, imagine all that profile book work going to waste ;)
We are almost done with our #adoptionprofilebook, and my best friend, also known to some as my leader, is going to review it this weekend and take our picture for the cover! I just emailed the hubs that he needs to fit in time to get a haircut this weekend cause we need to look FLYYYYYYYYY! Not that he isn't fly when he lets his hair get all Erykah Badu on us. Truly gorgeous. Glad my monthly is over so I don't have that putrid pimple that makes my chin look like it is pregnant anymore. OH, what to wear! I have had some major fun with this scrapbook program in general, but I am throwing a party when this book is finished. RSVP below and you are all assigned to bring #wine.
Tonight is the night! Our #adoptionsupportgroup is meeting for the first time. I am still considering starting my own group since I have never been a good follower, but we will see how it pans out. We definitely ARE meeting at the library. YAAWN. I want to weep over our issues over food and wine! Not sit under fluorescent bulbs. If people do end up doing the 'ugly cry', imagine how much uglier we will look under those things! Double whammy. I'm sure these people would rather cry with a steak in their mouth and take the edge off with some Pinot. If I start my own group, it will be New York themed with rules like 1. No weeping or ugly almost weeping faces. 2. No fluorescent lighting 3. No details about your womenly organs 4. No talking for more than 3 minutes at a time. 5. #Donuts and wine are mandatory. Let's talk about #4...I mean you know you like this rule. Don't look at me like that! We only have so much time and if woman A goes on a 15 minute tangent about her eggs being fried up, there's no room for woman B to talk about hers! Let's be fair, ladies. I would bring a timer, set it for 3 minutes and DING, NEXT! Pass the Krispy Kremes and let's move on. I have a tendency to be sweet. In my sleep.
DING, time's up! I am waiting to wait for you, little one-
Bumpless Baby Mama
We are almost done with our #adoptionprofilebook, and my best friend, also known to some as my leader, is going to review it this weekend and take our picture for the cover! I just emailed the hubs that he needs to fit in time to get a haircut this weekend cause we need to look FLYYYYYYYYY! Not that he isn't fly when he lets his hair get all Erykah Badu on us. Truly gorgeous. Glad my monthly is over so I don't have that putrid pimple that makes my chin look like it is pregnant anymore. OH, what to wear! I have had some major fun with this scrapbook program in general, but I am throwing a party when this book is finished. RSVP below and you are all assigned to bring #wine.
Tonight is the night! Our #adoptionsupportgroup is meeting for the first time. I am still considering starting my own group since I have never been a good follower, but we will see how it pans out. We definitely ARE meeting at the library. YAAWN. I want to weep over our issues over food and wine! Not sit under fluorescent bulbs. If people do end up doing the 'ugly cry', imagine how much uglier we will look under those things! Double whammy. I'm sure these people would rather cry with a steak in their mouth and take the edge off with some Pinot. If I start my own group, it will be New York themed with rules like 1. No weeping or ugly almost weeping faces. 2. No fluorescent lighting 3. No details about your womenly organs 4. No talking for more than 3 minutes at a time. 5. #Donuts and wine are mandatory. Let's talk about #4...I mean you know you like this rule. Don't look at me like that! We only have so much time and if woman A goes on a 15 minute tangent about her eggs being fried up, there's no room for woman B to talk about hers! Let's be fair, ladies. I would bring a timer, set it for 3 minutes and DING, NEXT! Pass the Krispy Kremes and let's move on. I have a tendency to be sweet. In my sleep.
DING, time's up! I am waiting to wait for you, little one-
Bumpless Baby Mama
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Baby Budget, Adoption Profile Book Insanity and Ignore the Oreos!
I am hoping we have a snow day tomorrow, which is lookin pretty good, so that I can dedicate the day to it and finish everything but the cover photo! I want this shizzzzz done! If anyone would like to send me a MAC computer, I'd appreciate it. No big deal. What's a grand or two? OK, on the real...putting ourselves on a more strict budget has been crazy but also crazy is the amount of money we save not going out so many times a week and not spending 9 bucks every glass of wine. Now it's 8 dolllaaas a bottle, YEA BAREFOOT! If you know me, you know I am a makeup hoarder, but have always been good about using coupons and shopping sales. That being said, I have been good about going to Sephora only when I have a gift card. Not saying I stuck to the exact amount, but baby steps, people! Other ways we have been saving has been our new rule of one date night out a week and one night out with friends a week. Which isn't really weekly during winter, because lots of people hibernate, and lots of illness happens and ruins "friend" plans. I have had lots of Girls' night IN and those have been a blast and really break up the week! Also, sticking to a list at the grocery store has saved us a lot too! Put those horse blinders on, run to your items and BOOK OUTTA THAT JOINT! Sure, those oreos are screaming your name and how fluffy and delicious do those Krispy Kremes look, but fight it! And don't add them to your list to cheat!
Obviously big travel trips are not happening at the moment. Baby budget does not permit trips to Europe or Mexico. That being said we both LOVE to travel and hopefully through raises and other life changes, we will be able to incorporate travel outside of the US back into our lives in a couple of years. We may spring for one last 'baby boom' trip to Florida or something. Here is some advice on coupons. GURL/BOY/WHOEVER: never buy anything full price. That is just a rule that has really helped me deal with this you can't do whatever the hell you want anymore. Even online, if you Google the store and the coupon code you can generally find a deal/coupon. Also, shop sales at the #grocery, combined with coupons and it really does add up! And check to see if your community has a #Facebook online yard sale. They are amazing, I just got a toy storage unit with all of those bins for 25 bucks, perfect condition. That and craigslist ... don't forget about them! Just sterilize that junk and be on with your rich self! And making a #budget always helps. Listing out budgets for everything from groceries to gas to 'fun money', it is a good guide and you realize where your money is going. The hubs is way better at that stuff than me, I am like I don't need excel, I know where I spent it, donuts and makeup YAYYYYYY! So I have some shapin up to do ;) Neither of us have any debt, both of our cars are paid off, so we had a nice start...but #adoption is expensive, peeps! And #kids are expensive, so it is a double whammmmoo. If you are adopting...prepare. We know it is all worth it, but you will be cutting down expenses unless you are Daddy Warbucks, which in that case, if you are him or have his amount of money, I meant what I said about the MAC. Thanks in advance.
Typing way faster than my computer is generating,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Birth Mother Letter, Background Check and Ready for Some Beans!
Been sick and when I am sick my brain does not formulate good sentences, hence the absence of blogtime. Now, at the end of this lovely illness, I am in the cough phase, where every time I try to talk, hacks come out instead of words. So I decided to write instead of hack. Though you have not missed much, I DID find out good news today. Let me give the back story though. We submitted our second background clearance (since agencies can not share background check info) the first week in January. Two weeks later I asked if they had heard back, because it took 2 weeks with our previous #adoptionagency. She said they had not and I asked her to please let me know when we were approved so I could check that off my list before investing any more money into anything before we are certain. HEY, YOU NEVER KNOW if anything happened in the months between the first and second background check. Maybe I stole some donuts! OK, yes, we know we would be approved, but I can not move forward until I actually SEE something in writing. I have learned the hard way, nothing is valid unless it is in writing! With SOME exceptions, like when I tell hubs I will not interrupt his guitar jams with my intense version of Part of Your World. Anyway...I write to our agency today asking if we should contact the state to see what the hold up is and she responds, "We got the background checks back, are you done your profile book for review?" OHHHHH OK THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW SWEET CHEECKS! See, I was so annoyed there I added an extra c to sweet cheeks! OK, I wasn't THAT annoyed, but I specifically asked her to let us know when they came in...doesn't she have hot pink post-its or a to do list, or that little reminder in your brain when you see someones name on something you get and you just you tell them? I know, I know, we are all human, it isn't a huge deal, but would have been nice to have known. Ya, obviously not that annoyed ;)
Man, this MyMemories #Scrapbooking is becoming too fun and addicting. And my OCD is going so insane that I think I will never finish. There is always a better green color, a more precious family tree with hearts and a fancier swirly font! Now that the background check is through, though, I will have to just give it up and "start the finish". We still are going to get a cover photo taken then all we have to do is write our precious lil story about our love and life and all that jazz and add the rest of the captions. And the #birthmotherletter. If you are not familiar, you usually submit a letter or a letter that is part of your book talking to the birth mothers who are reviewing your books. Usually you tell them how brave their decision is, how you have ached for children for x months/years (which is true minus the pooh and future sleepless nights) and what you have to offer their future bean, that could one day be your future bean. YAY for a family of beans! Beans, beans, good for your heart!
Advice on writing birth mother letters? From what I have read and heard, checking out some online (widely available, they are even on pinterest!), and grabbing way back into your ol beater and grabbing your empathy, just FEELING, not thinking about what she is going through, and writing a compassionate letter, not what you think they want to hear. And then, when talking about yourself, write what you think they want to hear. Jokes, jokes...just be real, as if you were talking to a friend about why you can't wait to have a child, what you think that will look like, what you can offer and how excited you are. It seems a fine line because on one hand you feel sadness for them, yet excitement for yourself. There is a whole mix of emotions in this adoption land and they are in it too, and they understand, and they want you to be excited because they want parents for their child to love them as much as they do/will. Never play down their feelings and never play down your own! We are all in it together. UNITED WE STAND! Oh wait, wrong speech.
Unusually Hungry for Beans,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Man, this MyMemories #Scrapbooking is becoming too fun and addicting. And my OCD is going so insane that I think I will never finish. There is always a better green color, a more precious family tree with hearts and a fancier swirly font! Now that the background check is through, though, I will have to just give it up and "start the finish". We still are going to get a cover photo taken then all we have to do is write our precious lil story about our love and life and all that jazz and add the rest of the captions. And the #birthmotherletter. If you are not familiar, you usually submit a letter or a letter that is part of your book talking to the birth mothers who are reviewing your books. Usually you tell them how brave their decision is, how you have ached for children for x months/years (which is true minus the pooh and future sleepless nights) and what you have to offer their future bean, that could one day be your future bean. YAY for a family of beans! Beans, beans, good for your heart!
Advice on writing birth mother letters? From what I have read and heard, checking out some online (widely available, they are even on pinterest!), and grabbing way back into your ol beater and grabbing your empathy, just FEELING, not thinking about what she is going through, and writing a compassionate letter, not what you think they want to hear. And then, when talking about yourself, write what you think they want to hear. Jokes, jokes...just be real, as if you were talking to a friend about why you can't wait to have a child, what you think that will look like, what you can offer and how excited you are. It seems a fine line because on one hand you feel sadness for them, yet excitement for yourself. There is a whole mix of emotions in this adoption land and they are in it too, and they understand, and they want you to be excited because they want parents for their child to love them as much as they do/will. Never play down their feelings and never play down your own! We are all in it together. UNITED WE STAND! Oh wait, wrong speech.
Unusually Hungry for Beans,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Religion, Gay and Lesbian and Single Parent Adopting
I honestly didn't think much about the religion aspect until we really started the process and joined on with a christian group to do our home study. We went to the info session and though I trotted around in a plaid skirt and knee highs for 4 years of my life, I am not the epitome of religious. My first question was if we had to be the same #religion of the #adoption agency, and if not, would our chances be less of getting matched as quickly as those who were the same religion? She said that we did NOT in fact, have to be the same religion as their #adoptionagency, but that yes some Birth mothers and fathers would prefer a certain religion. However, she did mention that far from all of the BMs that came to their agency were the same religion or religious. So it kind of depends. We didn't go with them for our placement agency. For many reasons, one being our belief systems didn't exactly line up, the wait time and just a general good gut feeling about the agency we picked. In my research, I did come across a couple of agencies that would not accept adoptive parents of another religion, so make sure to ask that question up front! One of the agencies that had the best reviews and would be least expensive said, "Sorry SUCKAAAS you are not one of us, back uppppp!" OK, not in those words.
That being said, make sure to ask if they are open to all religions, and for me I wanted to know that the agency we went with supported #gay couples and #singleparents as well. Though we are neither, I just feel uncomfortable adopting from an agency that has very different values than me. I say me, because though the hubs has my same values in that regard, he would probably go with anyone to get the process movin along. Everyone is different, ask your heart, "Hey, heart, are you good with this?" and go from there. There are definitely agencies that will not work with single mothers or gay families and though it breaks my heart, if they are a private religious agency, I guess they have that option. I know many gay couples (or singles for that matter) and single parents that would provide a beautiful loving environment for a kiddo! There are MANY agencies that do work with a wide variety of people, so definitely do your research and get references! I will be saying over and over and over, get references of real people that have adopted with the agency or lawyer you are considering! One of the best pieces of advice I can give. Simple, but important!
In many agencies, unfortunately, single parents and gay families may wait longer, but sometimes not! Just like adoption in general, every story is different. There really is no typical situation or story. We all sit here, together, not knowing a damn thing until our child is legally ours around 6 months after placement. And after that, being a parent, we don't know everything to come, either. Well, crying and poop and worrying about someone the rest of our lives. But that is about all we can predict :)
Sitting with my gay and single parent friends holding hands in a big ol circle of love,
Bumpless Baby Mama
That being said, make sure to ask if they are open to all religions, and for me I wanted to know that the agency we went with supported #gay couples and #singleparents as well. Though we are neither, I just feel uncomfortable adopting from an agency that has very different values than me. I say me, because though the hubs has my same values in that regard, he would probably go with anyone to get the process movin along. Everyone is different, ask your heart, "Hey, heart, are you good with this?" and go from there. There are definitely agencies that will not work with single mothers or gay families and though it breaks my heart, if they are a private religious agency, I guess they have that option. I know many gay couples (or singles for that matter) and single parents that would provide a beautiful loving environment for a kiddo! There are MANY agencies that do work with a wide variety of people, so definitely do your research and get references! I will be saying over and over and over, get references of real people that have adopted with the agency or lawyer you are considering! One of the best pieces of advice I can give. Simple, but important!
In many agencies, unfortunately, single parents and gay families may wait longer, but sometimes not! Just like adoption in general, every story is different. There really is no typical situation or story. We all sit here, together, not knowing a damn thing until our child is legally ours around 6 months after placement. And after that, being a parent, we don't know everything to come, either. Well, crying and poop and worrying about someone the rest of our lives. But that is about all we can predict :)
Sitting with my gay and single parent friends holding hands in a big ol circle of love,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Monday, February 3, 2014
Adoption Support Group: LIbraries Scare Me and I Just Want To Eat and Laugh!
So I think I mentioned I was joining an #adoption support group in my 'hood. I think I may branch off and start one of my own after we start this one. I was going to do both, but now just may start my own #alwayshastobetheleader. They only meet once a month and it is at the LIBRARY?! I mean that has always been my least favorite place in life! I was forced to go there as a child. To me, it represents being really quiet and has bad memories of the place I most often got detentions! DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK! Once I hit college, I only went there once, and it wasn't even IN the library, but in between the double doors at a table to study with a fellow student. I mean, they couldn't even get me to enter the actual building. Me and the library are enemies. I know it is a place of knowledge and books and lots of people love it. To me, it smells like old books, reminds me of the dewey decimal system and brings flashbacks of after school with the librarian, writing 'I will not (fill in the blank)' 100 times. Like spitballs even hurt?!? ;)
I had suggested Panera or another local restaurant, more casual and FUN! nobody going "SHHHHHHHHHH" at you and FOOD is involved! After I originally suggested that, everyone was game except one woman who said "I don't feel comfortable there, we are discussing private matters." FIRST of all, nobody at Panera is going to be listening to a bunch of ol ladies talking about their dried up eggs and our sad stories. NOBODY CARES LADY, they are gossiping about coworkers while eating bread bowls! So turns out the leader has now booked a room at the hideous library so we can all weep together in the corner. To me, this whole adoption thing is like a celebration, I am VERY PROUD to adopt. I am excited about adopting and I know there may be hard times, there HAVE been hard times. But for those really rough days, I have my husband, friends and family. And donuts! It is one thing to make better friends through the group that become closer to you that you can lean on, but I didn't picture us all laying on a couch telling our sob stories two hours a month. But I guess that is what it is. I would rather start a fun group, that sure, you can talk about your woes with, but more focus on the happy things, moving on (relevant to people with fertility issures) and celebrating life via adoption! I will go and see how it is, but I have a feeling I will start my own group. Maybe called "Happy Heart Bumps"?
Get off the couch, it is time to live!
Sitting in Panera shoving my excited face,
Bumpless Baby Mama
I had suggested Panera or another local restaurant, more casual and FUN! nobody going "SHHHHHHHHHH" at you and FOOD is involved! After I originally suggested that, everyone was game except one woman who said "I don't feel comfortable there, we are discussing private matters." FIRST of all, nobody at Panera is going to be listening to a bunch of ol ladies talking about their dried up eggs and our sad stories. NOBODY CARES LADY, they are gossiping about coworkers while eating bread bowls! So turns out the leader has now booked a room at the hideous library so we can all weep together in the corner. To me, this whole adoption thing is like a celebration, I am VERY PROUD to adopt. I am excited about adopting and I know there may be hard times, there HAVE been hard times. But for those really rough days, I have my husband, friends and family. And donuts! It is one thing to make better friends through the group that become closer to you that you can lean on, but I didn't picture us all laying on a couch telling our sob stories two hours a month. But I guess that is what it is. I would rather start a fun group, that sure, you can talk about your woes with, but more focus on the happy things, moving on (relevant to people with fertility issures) and celebrating life via adoption! I will go and see how it is, but I have a feeling I will start my own group. Maybe called "Happy Heart Bumps"?
Get off the couch, it is time to live!
Sitting in Panera shoving my excited face,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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