So I have been working on our #adoptionprofilebook basically every night after work. Last night I worked out "on demand" til my butt hurt enough, ate a half a portion of my normal dinner (Shush, bikini season is approaching soon enough!), sat down and brought up the scrapbook software on my computer screen. And I stared at it. For 5 minutes. OK, it was more like 4.75. Every other night I sign on with delight and my #creative juices just start flowing and my #OCD goes to work! I normally feel like MAYBE I MISSED MY #SCRAPBOOK MAKING CALLING! But last night, I just stared like a lil #baby entering the world for the first time, from 9 months of darkness. As I have mentioned I am immediate satisfaction woman and therefore I need to do this profile book as fast as I can. But I physically couldn't. Scrapbook block reared it's ugly head! I guess sometimes we just need to take a breath. Or 90. Just take a break. Not just from the 'activity' that has us overwhelmed. But from ourselves. Our own pressures we put on ourselves. I had to take a "me" break. Escape into something just plain old relaxing where I didn't have to think or concentrate top hard. So what did I do? Netflixed "Parenthood" after it being suggested by my coworker. MAYBE not the best idea. I mean, did they invent this show to make you weep?! So by the end of the night, I had no advancement of pink and green backgrounds with hearts and pictures on my screen, and my tear ducts filled with aches for the imaginary characters living inside my tv. I gave up hope for turning the night around, snuggled into my #blog blanket and looked around to remind myself how good life is and how good God is. And how good glitter is. Yes, I realize that is unrelated and shallow, but I happened to see a glittery candle and it exploded my heart with joy. So sue me.
Today is a new day, tonight I hope to be nestled in leopard print, jazzing up our profile book, one digital embellishment at a time!
Dreaming of when I get to know if you will be dressed in pink or blue,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Adoption Baby Showers, fuzzy bunnies and I AM SOOO NOT organizing that!
So the BFF was asking if I'd want to do a shower before or after a lil bean comes. This is something I have come across in #adoptionforums. Seems another adoption topic that people feel passionately one way or the other. There is the school of thought that a shower should be afterwards so you don't stare at all of the baby goodies while you are waiting for Godot. Along those lines, if there is what we call a 'disappointment' or 'disruption' where the #birthmother either changes her mind while pregnant or after the child is placed with you, you do not have to weep while again, staring at fuzzy bunnies and a car seat. I do agree it would be devastating to come home after spending 2 weeks with a child in a hotel in another state, empty handed. And yes, it would add to the heart rupture if there was an empty crib with a white elephant staring at you as you walked by. That is why there are doors. Shut them. OK, that was a little flip, and I am half joking. I know it is the best thing for a lot of people to wait. But I have read the other school of thought and think I relate more to it. Probably MOSTLY because I am a neurotic planner as we have discussed.
So yes, I found forums where people discussed how they were firm on not having a shower until after and then were kicking themselves in the buttox later. For two reasons that most the articles had in common. 1. You may want to use some of that stuff right away, like a diaper genie or the trillions of onesies and burp cloths you go through. Or that lil Tee-Pee thing that blocks urine from spraying in your face as lil bean boy whizzes on you. 2. They felt they did not have any identity as a parent since they did not go through pregnancy and didn't even get to prep a nursery or get to share the excitement and anticipation that those with baby bumps get to. Some people who DID have a #babyshower beforehand, spoke about how it was somehow a huge part of how they identified themselves as a parent. I can see that, even just getting a crib bedding set the other day made me feel a little closer to motherhood with the wooooooodgggie lillll baby bunnnnnnywunnnny on it. Oh, sorry, I'm back. So maybe they are onto something. So that could be an icing on my planner cake. My cake is made up of my reasoning/rationalizing of planning, getting only gender neutral items and being blessed with a large storage area where we can tuck everything away until we bring home a bean, far away in the corner of our basement. THOUGH, being the #planner that I am, I am sure as I am waiting I will be setting up certain things. And if we have to go through the devastation of a #disruption in the process, we will come home, keep that door to fairy land shut and I will weep for approximately 5000 days and go through the process and get back up again. I am sure you can not prepare for going through that pain, but with anything, you have to deal with it if and when it comes and get back up on that pony! There are a ton of thing in life I had never even THOUGHT would happen (dad's brain cancer, going through dad's 3 divorces, losing a good friend at 18, etc.) and I have made it through it all. And knowing we have the most amazing #friends and fam out there (NOT BIASED AT ALL!), I know eeeverrayyytttiiings gonna be awwwriiight, no woman no cryyyy! Unless it's me and BM takes her baby back. But shh. Anyway. Time to go not organize the baby hats and socks that I just put in baskets. Nope. Totally not going to do that. Color coding what? Nope not me ;)
Planning on not waiting to Wait to Plan,
Bumpless Baby Mama
So yes, I found forums where people discussed how they were firm on not having a shower until after and then were kicking themselves in the buttox later. For two reasons that most the articles had in common. 1. You may want to use some of that stuff right away, like a diaper genie or the trillions of onesies and burp cloths you go through. Or that lil Tee-Pee thing that blocks urine from spraying in your face as lil bean boy whizzes on you. 2. They felt they did not have any identity as a parent since they did not go through pregnancy and didn't even get to prep a nursery or get to share the excitement and anticipation that those with baby bumps get to. Some people who DID have a #babyshower beforehand, spoke about how it was somehow a huge part of how they identified themselves as a parent. I can see that, even just getting a crib bedding set the other day made me feel a little closer to motherhood with the wooooooodgggie lillll baby bunnnnnnywunnnny on it. Oh, sorry, I'm back. So maybe they are onto something. So that could be an icing on my planner cake. My cake is made up of my reasoning/rationalizing of planning, getting only gender neutral items and being blessed with a large storage area where we can tuck everything away until we bring home a bean, far away in the corner of our basement. THOUGH, being the #planner that I am, I am sure as I am waiting I will be setting up certain things. And if we have to go through the devastation of a #disruption in the process, we will come home, keep that door to fairy land shut and I will weep for approximately 5000 days and go through the process and get back up again. I am sure you can not prepare for going through that pain, but with anything, you have to deal with it if and when it comes and get back up on that pony! There are a ton of thing in life I had never even THOUGHT would happen (dad's brain cancer, going through dad's 3 divorces, losing a good friend at 18, etc.) and I have made it through it all. And knowing we have the most amazing #friends and fam out there (NOT BIASED AT ALL!), I know eeeverrayyytttiiings gonna be awwwriiight, no woman no cryyyy! Unless it's me and BM takes her baby back. But shh. Anyway. Time to go not organize the baby hats and socks that I just put in baskets. Nope. Totally not going to do that. Color coding what? Nope not me ;)
Planning on not waiting to Wait to Plan,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Friday, January 24, 2014
THE RUSH IS LIFE! We are late!
Since I pretend to be #MarthaStewart and love doing artsy/craft things, I started messing with the scrapbooking software FIRST for the #adoption profile book. Not the best idea. As my friend mentioned, I should definitely start with narrowing down the pictures, placing them and THEN picking the designs and embellishments to go around them. For instance, if we end up picking a photo that is from Sunny #Florida minus the Mai Tai because RULES, RULES!, we could add a little palm tree embellishment. I know that is the better way but was being stubborn, so glad my friend told me to start over, pictures first! :) So last night, Hubs and I finally went through and narrowed down pictures to the final ones (except the cover picture, more on that later) and placed each on its appropriate page. We just opened Microsoft Word and divided it into 10 pages (our limit) sectioning each page off with its theme/heading and notes. For example: Page 4: Things we like to do and listed things such as #music, #art, museums, etc. This way we could easily look for pictures that reflect our hobbies and interests. Like me eating a donut. And hubs making his weird guitar player face. At least it isn't like #JustinTimberlake's face on stage. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? I was in the 2nd row at his concert once and I never want to be that close to him again. What a Monet, pretty fly from far away but as you get closer, just a mess! (Sorry Megan if you are reading this, do not hurt me).
I huffed a huge sigh of relief last night after we had filled all of our blank pages with the titles and pictures, at least having our outline complete! A huge ol brick house had been lifted off of my shoulders. I am noticing how freakin cray cray I am about immediate satisfaction during this process. Which is not ideal for adoption since it is it feels like walking 100 miles in the Sahara Desert. But, usually, at work, etc., I am for the MOST part the one in control so when I get assigned a task, I get to it, finish it lickity split and move on.
My college buddy used to joke about me needing to get everything done so fast...always running and always wanting #immediatesatisfaction. We were in the car one day and she started cracking up and I was like WHAT?? She said, "Well as I have mentioned you do everything fast, you walk fast, you write fast, but I just noticed you even buckle your damn seat belt fast, what is the big rush!" LOL... THE RUSH IS #LIFE! We only have so much time and I like to get a lot done while I am here darnit! And the faster we do this selling of ourselves the faster we get a lil bean and more time we have a child to do fast things with! The irony is hubs does everything SLOW. He walks slow, gets ready slow, he probably even buckles his seat belt slow! Opposites attract I guess. "Hurry up, hubs! We need to leave, we are gonna be late!!!" is a common scream up the steps as I am at the door, handbag in place, shoes on with keys in hand (and running ahead of schedule, but in my head that is late).
My dear friend said she would take our cover photo with her nice camera so we plan to do that! Any ideas for a nice back drop? I guess I should get my roots dyed. Cause mothers nnneeeever have roots I am sure ;)
Keys in hand, waiting for our lil bean,
Bumpless Baby Mama
I huffed a huge sigh of relief last night after we had filled all of our blank pages with the titles and pictures, at least having our outline complete! A huge ol brick house had been lifted off of my shoulders. I am noticing how freakin cray cray I am about immediate satisfaction during this process. Which is not ideal for adoption since it is it feels like walking 100 miles in the Sahara Desert. But, usually, at work, etc., I am for the MOST part the one in control so when I get assigned a task, I get to it, finish it lickity split and move on.
My college buddy used to joke about me needing to get everything done so fast...always running and always wanting #immediatesatisfaction. We were in the car one day and she started cracking up and I was like WHAT?? She said, "Well as I have mentioned you do everything fast, you walk fast, you write fast, but I just noticed you even buckle your damn seat belt fast, what is the big rush!" LOL... THE RUSH IS #LIFE! We only have so much time and I like to get a lot done while I am here darnit! And the faster we do this selling of ourselves the faster we get a lil bean and more time we have a child to do fast things with! The irony is hubs does everything SLOW. He walks slow, gets ready slow, he probably even buckles his seat belt slow! Opposites attract I guess. "Hurry up, hubs! We need to leave, we are gonna be late!!!" is a common scream up the steps as I am at the door, handbag in place, shoes on with keys in hand (and running ahead of schedule, but in my head that is late).
My dear friend said she would take our cover photo with her nice camera so we plan to do that! Any ideas for a nice back drop? I guess I should get my roots dyed. Cause mothers nnneeeever have roots I am sure ;)
Keys in hand, waiting for our lil bean,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
How to Make Your Adoption Profile Book Mess-Free but not Stress-Free!
For making a #adoptionprofilebook for the birth mother to 'pick you' out of, you have two options:
-Pay someone to do it for you (I got a recommendation for someone that does it for $500) OR
-Do it yourself!
In this day in age, there are plenty of ways to go about it. If you want it to look extra precious and #creative and are Type A like myself, you will need to purchase #scrapbooksoftware to make it the best you can! YES, it would be lovely to have someone else make it, but another $500 toward this process and government cheese is headed our way. OK I am being dramatic, but let's save where we can!
After a good day of researching, installing Microsoft Publisher and pulling my hair our, I gave in and ordered/downloaded #MyMemories.com scrapbooking software. It got the best ratings! "OH the glory of digital scrapbooking!" "I could spend hours choosing between daisies and tulips!" "Let's waste my life gluing tiny swirls on a page!" Those were not real quotes. I found a 10 dollar off coupon which made it 30 bucks. Not bad compared to 500. I am pretty creative and love doing #crafts so this is up my alley. It only comes with a handful of templates but you can take them apart and use pieces individually so hopefully my creativity will make it so I do not have to purchase anything else from them (they sell about a gazillion different pages, embellishments, borders, etc. UPSELL THAT SHEEEET GURL!) I did a practice cover of the book last night in about ten minutes and was impressed with myself (who me?!), so I am happy knowing my half hearted attempt is probably about average level of most of the profile books I have come across as far as design. All those art and design classes (I had dreams of being a broken hearted, ramen noodle eating artist in college) came in handy after all! I sure use a lot of parenthesis (can I get a whhaaatwhaat?)
The #picture picking is the most difficult for this project. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PICTURES I TAKE? If you are my 'real life' friend or just follow me on #Facebook (we went to HS together but never talked) you know I post my life out there, including pictures...and I have a whoooole slew of them. I went through about 5 million with Hubs and we tried to narrow it down. This process is one you may want to do alone. It was a lot of this: ME: Oh this one is good. HUBS:That looks like every other one...HUBS: OH this one is nice and goofy! ME: I look ugly in that one! We still only narrowed it down to about 50 pictures and only can have 5 double sided pages...leaving us with VERY limited space for pictures because we have to actually write about ourselves as well. #aretherereverseshrinkydinks?
I have an outline though...so far it is:
Cover Page: Picture of us, the BEST one in the world that has ever been taken of us. This is first impression. We didn't want to make it too formal, so there went the best picture ever taken of us, because as with most people that is your wedding photos where you have starved yourself for two weeks, gotten a fake tan and have professional makeup and hair, so we are still on the hunt for our flyest photo.
About us:
Bullet points about Both of us, marketing our strengths yet being honest and vulnerable, this is where a couple goofy pics will come in, which clearly will be easy to find.
Family:
This will be one big page, Mirabello clan!! :) I grabbed photos from both sides from our wedding pics and a couple from #Christmas and #Thanksgiving so hopefully that'll give the BM a good idea of what her kiddo will be getting into! Sheer madness!
Hobbies/stuff we like to do:
me #dancing around, Hubs pretending he is Slash, a photo of a piece of my artwork, concerts, and perhaps a pic of us eating our our local Tex Mex restaurant which may as well be a hobby since we do it weekly. Great, now I am hungry.
Travel:
Photos from #Italy of course, our bi-yearly hikes (is yearly a hobby!?), #Vegas (delete gambling pics) and our yearly #beach trips, etc.
Neighborhood: Yes, they make you include your 'hood, and surrounding areas/attractions, hey they want their lil bean to be safe and have a nice #playground to get wild at like the rest of us!
I found some photos from our #community site, including the pool, lake and #fitness center that I have never stepped into. Who needs that when I can on demand #yoga and #dance? I also threw in a lovely pic of our house when the azaleas are fully bloomed, pre-lacebugs!
Still working on the rest, they recommend things like 'how you will dicpline' (encourage with pink sprinkled #donuts?!?) and quirky facts about each of you (Mike makes a mean cricket noise?!). I will update once I have my final outline completed for those of you interested (that are adopting yourself). AND perhaps I can figure out how to add a link to our actual book for all to see when completed. SHUSH you know you wanna see it.
Micro-scoping our pictures with digital glue on my hands,
Bumpless Baby Mama
-Pay someone to do it for you (I got a recommendation for someone that does it for $500) OR
-Do it yourself!
In this day in age, there are plenty of ways to go about it. If you want it to look extra precious and #creative and are Type A like myself, you will need to purchase #scrapbooksoftware to make it the best you can! YES, it would be lovely to have someone else make it, but another $500 toward this process and government cheese is headed our way. OK I am being dramatic, but let's save where we can!
After a good day of researching, installing Microsoft Publisher and pulling my hair our, I gave in and ordered/downloaded #MyMemories.com scrapbooking software. It got the best ratings! "OH the glory of digital scrapbooking!" "I could spend hours choosing between daisies and tulips!" "Let's waste my life gluing tiny swirls on a page!" Those were not real quotes. I found a 10 dollar off coupon which made it 30 bucks. Not bad compared to 500. I am pretty creative and love doing #crafts so this is up my alley. It only comes with a handful of templates but you can take them apart and use pieces individually so hopefully my creativity will make it so I do not have to purchase anything else from them (they sell about a gazillion different pages, embellishments, borders, etc. UPSELL THAT SHEEEET GURL!) I did a practice cover of the book last night in about ten minutes and was impressed with myself (who me?!), so I am happy knowing my half hearted attempt is probably about average level of most of the profile books I have come across as far as design. All those art and design classes (I had dreams of being a broken hearted, ramen noodle eating artist in college) came in handy after all! I sure use a lot of parenthesis (can I get a whhaaatwhaat?)
The #picture picking is the most difficult for this project. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PICTURES I TAKE? If you are my 'real life' friend or just follow me on #Facebook (we went to HS together but never talked) you know I post my life out there, including pictures...and I have a whoooole slew of them. I went through about 5 million with Hubs and we tried to narrow it down. This process is one you may want to do alone. It was a lot of this: ME: Oh this one is good. HUBS:That looks like every other one...HUBS: OH this one is nice and goofy! ME: I look ugly in that one! We still only narrowed it down to about 50 pictures and only can have 5 double sided pages...leaving us with VERY limited space for pictures because we have to actually write about ourselves as well. #aretherereverseshrinkydinks?
I have an outline though...so far it is:
Cover Page: Picture of us, the BEST one in the world that has ever been taken of us. This is first impression. We didn't want to make it too formal, so there went the best picture ever taken of us, because as with most people that is your wedding photos where you have starved yourself for two weeks, gotten a fake tan and have professional makeup and hair, so we are still on the hunt for our flyest photo.
About us:
Bullet points about Both of us, marketing our strengths yet being honest and vulnerable, this is where a couple goofy pics will come in, which clearly will be easy to find.
Family:
This will be one big page, Mirabello clan!! :) I grabbed photos from both sides from our wedding pics and a couple from #Christmas and #Thanksgiving so hopefully that'll give the BM a good idea of what her kiddo will be getting into! Sheer madness!
Hobbies/stuff we like to do:
me #dancing around, Hubs pretending he is Slash, a photo of a piece of my artwork, concerts, and perhaps a pic of us eating our our local Tex Mex restaurant which may as well be a hobby since we do it weekly. Great, now I am hungry.
Travel:
Photos from #Italy of course, our bi-yearly hikes (is yearly a hobby!?), #Vegas (delete gambling pics) and our yearly #beach trips, etc.
Neighborhood: Yes, they make you include your 'hood, and surrounding areas/attractions, hey they want their lil bean to be safe and have a nice #playground to get wild at like the rest of us!
I found some photos from our #community site, including the pool, lake and #fitness center that I have never stepped into. Who needs that when I can on demand #yoga and #dance? I also threw in a lovely pic of our house when the azaleas are fully bloomed, pre-lacebugs!
Still working on the rest, they recommend things like 'how you will dicpline' (encourage with pink sprinkled #donuts?!?) and quirky facts about each of you (Mike makes a mean cricket noise?!). I will update once I have my final outline completed for those of you interested (that are adopting yourself). AND perhaps I can figure out how to add a link to our actual book for all to see when completed. SHUSH you know you wanna see it.
Micro-scoping our pictures with digital glue on my hands,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Monday, January 20, 2014
Hand Me Down Central and Preparing for Both Gender Babies !?!
HOOOOOLY #handmedowns ! So, my #BFF has been giving us baby clothes, a swing, etc., as my Goddaughter grows out of them. A few items are #unisex such as onesies, but most are for #pink and purple loving little #girls! We have other friends/family that said they would give us their boy stuff as their boys grow out, too! Thank goodness we have lots of storage space, and such sweet peas in our lives! Not knowing the #gender makes things very tricky, so I am just planning for both. Not ideal, but at least there are only 2 possibilities :) I am also thinking whatever gender we get this time around, we may try to #adopt the opposite gender next time, so as long as we have the space for both we can try to manage and save these treasures one pink and blue #onesie at a time!
CLOTHING
I have some extra bins since, as I mentioned, my #OCD made me get green and red Christmas bins to replace these aqua and blue ones. I am using the aqua bin for girl clothes and blue for boy's. I was originally going to wash these precious doll sized knits and then put them into bins, but considering we have no clue when our lil #heartbump will arrive, I decided to divide it all up and wash at a later date. MAN those lil baby clothes are tiiiinnnyYYYYY and a lot fits in the boxes that #BFF gave to us. 3 big boxes so far, so I decided MLK day was the perfect day to go through them, because I have a #dream, too! A dream of #organization. A lot of this morning was spent reading the #clothing sizes on the labels that were clearly written by an ants, and separating them into 0-3 months, 3-6 months, etc. After my eyeballs stopped bleeding from strain, I sat down with my #labelmaker like the nerd I am, and labeled each kitchen trash bag in front of me (#lavendar scented bags of course, to keep them smelling delish for the next OH I don't know how long, month, year?!), and started sorting. I jammed the 0-3m and 3-6m bags into one bin, and went on from there. I will keep the first two bins in the #nursery closet and switch the clothing out as they outgrow them. Doing this separating for both genders may seem loco in the coco, but I think it would seem more insane to do when I am getting no sleep and can't remember my own name let alone try to wash and #organize 5000 pieces of lil people's clothing, I am sure we will have pleeenty of spit up covered #laundry to do after we get home. Might as well save myself as much time as I can before my OCD is gone forever!
NURSERY
I have started to mentally (OK OK, maybe started physically too) decorate the nursery. Many #adoptionagencies and forums suggest not setting up a nursery, that it may upset you looking at it while you are waiting...and waiting...and waiting for your child. WELL, they clearly have not met me, Polly Planner. I just have to do it, and if I have to shut the door and forget it is there after it is set up, I will. First of all I am a planner. Not just any #planner. The kind that carries around her planner with color coded pens. Second, my husband's #friend and #wife are being SOOOO generous and are letting us use their #crib and glider and I already have a #changingtable! Though we have storage space, I'd rather keep them in their future home. I also don't want to come home from living in a hotel for a couple of weeks and start rearranging our house. OK back to the #neutralnursery decorating! For whatever reason, I have always hated the color yellow. I am a very cheery and happy person but the color makes my tummy queasy by looking at it and it also makes me LOOK like death if I wear it. So that popular gender neutral color is going to look just gorgeous...in someone else's home. My favorite color is sage green and I thought that could be neutral, and if we end up with a female heartbump, we can add some pink baskets and glittery trinkets around to make it more girly (SURPRISE I have pink baskets and trinkets of my own, who would have guessed THAT ;) ). If it is a boy we can keep it just green and brown or add some blue in there as well. OH the possibilities.
That being said, there is 50% chance we could get matched before the #birthmother is in labor and I will have more time to plan. I am preparing for the worst. And best all at the same time :)
Waiting in a pile of pink glitter and blue hats,
Bumpless Baby Mama
CLOTHING
I have some extra bins since, as I mentioned, my #OCD made me get green and red Christmas bins to replace these aqua and blue ones. I am using the aqua bin for girl clothes and blue for boy's. I was originally going to wash these precious doll sized knits and then put them into bins, but considering we have no clue when our lil #heartbump will arrive, I decided to divide it all up and wash at a later date. MAN those lil baby clothes are tiiiinnnyYYYYY and a lot fits in the boxes that #BFF gave to us. 3 big boxes so far, so I decided MLK day was the perfect day to go through them, because I have a #dream, too! A dream of #organization. A lot of this morning was spent reading the #clothing sizes on the labels that were clearly written by an ants, and separating them into 0-3 months, 3-6 months, etc. After my eyeballs stopped bleeding from strain, I sat down with my #labelmaker like the nerd I am, and labeled each kitchen trash bag in front of me (#lavendar scented bags of course, to keep them smelling delish for the next OH I don't know how long, month, year?!), and started sorting. I jammed the 0-3m and 3-6m bags into one bin, and went on from there. I will keep the first two bins in the #nursery closet and switch the clothing out as they outgrow them. Doing this separating for both genders may seem loco in the coco, but I think it would seem more insane to do when I am getting no sleep and can't remember my own name let alone try to wash and #organize 5000 pieces of lil people's clothing, I am sure we will have pleeenty of spit up covered #laundry to do after we get home. Might as well save myself as much time as I can before my OCD is gone forever!
NURSERY
I have started to mentally (OK OK, maybe started physically too) decorate the nursery. Many #adoptionagencies and forums suggest not setting up a nursery, that it may upset you looking at it while you are waiting...and waiting...and waiting for your child. WELL, they clearly have not met me, Polly Planner. I just have to do it, and if I have to shut the door and forget it is there after it is set up, I will. First of all I am a planner. Not just any #planner. The kind that carries around her planner with color coded pens. Second, my husband's #friend and #wife are being SOOOO generous and are letting us use their #crib and glider and I already have a #changingtable! Though we have storage space, I'd rather keep them in their future home. I also don't want to come home from living in a hotel for a couple of weeks and start rearranging our house. OK back to the #neutralnursery decorating! For whatever reason, I have always hated the color yellow. I am a very cheery and happy person but the color makes my tummy queasy by looking at it and it also makes me LOOK like death if I wear it. So that popular gender neutral color is going to look just gorgeous...in someone else's home. My favorite color is sage green and I thought that could be neutral, and if we end up with a female heartbump, we can add some pink baskets and glittery trinkets around to make it more girly (SURPRISE I have pink baskets and trinkets of my own, who would have guessed THAT ;) ). If it is a boy we can keep it just green and brown or add some blue in there as well. OH the possibilities.
That being said, there is 50% chance we could get matched before the #birthmother is in labor and I will have more time to plan. I am preparing for the worst. And best all at the same time :)
Waiting in a pile of pink glitter and blue hats,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Friday, January 17, 2014
Make New Friends, But Keep The Old! 5 Reasons to Join an Adoption Support Group
So being the planner-pants that I am, I am trying to build a network so when I am a stay-at-home mama I will know other stay-at-home mamas and adoptive mothers in the 'hood! I posted on our online #community page asking if there were any adoption support groups and though there aren't, people showed interest, so we are going to start one! I met with one of the mothers today who adopted twice. I have met other #women through groups in the hood (two of them are actually great friends of mine now), and the first meeting always feels like online dating. You stand at the door of the meeting location slyly looking around trying to match the profile picture to an actual person. Luckily today, she recognized me and came over. I love meeting new people so I am not shy, but there is still that awkward scanning the room looking like, "Where's Waldo??" minus the peppermint stripes. At least there is no awkward 'reach' into the wallet at the end of your 'date'.
I do suggest meeting fellow #adoptiveparents BEFORE you adopt, while you are in the actual process of losing your mind. I advise this for a few reasons. A few meaning 5 because I am too verbose for 3.
1.) Having people close by that you can talk to during the process is super important! Bottom line, adopting is not #pregnancy, and our preggo friends don't understand our stresses/emotional turmoil just like we don't understand their vomitous mornings and elephantiasis of the feet. Not saying to ditch your other #friends, I talk to my BFF every day after work and though our lives are very different, we talk about anything from deep chats to singing made up songs at the top of our lunges to me getting hugs from her kids through facetime. She has been my best #support after the husband of course! We are not in the waiting process yet, but I am glad to start setting up a support where when I reach the day of, "OMG WHEN IS OUR #CHILD COMING!!!!" after 5 months, I will have people reassure me that it will all be ok, because they did it and it was ok :) There is just something to be said for knowing people who have been through the same thing. It is like your friend having a huge pimple on her forehead at the same time as you. You are in it together!
2.) Having a #supportgroup set up before it all happens (because it CAN happen quickly, it all depends), is also good for when you get back from picking up your lil bean, and you are too wiped to think about getting dressed let alone joining a group or trying to set up mommy and me groups. You will come home and have people who know what you are going through. Besides #motherhood, there is the addition of #bonding with your child. This can be harder for adoptive parents, and if you are having trouble with it, you can ask your fellow AMs how they dealt with it. I mean, I will have no boob to coerce them with! Not the AMs, the #baby!
3.) Already having friends in the #adoptioncommunity also sets up friends for your child as they get older! What a nice perk, two lil buds that both came from a heart bump! #Adoptedchildren may have unique issues or questions and having older adoptive friends who have gone through it or peers the same age to grow up together and not feel like the only adopted child, is a wonderful thing! Not saying all adoptive children have these feelings, but from my research and experience speaking with others, it can be common for questions and yearning for closure depending on the situation.
4.) If you can get into a fancy lil adoption group during your home study it is even better because you will have a network of people to tell you what #adoptionagencies they used, suggest snazzy but cheap lawyers, recommendations on enough books to make your eyes bleed, etc. I definitely wished I had met more people in the beginning so I wouldn't have had to spent 500,000 hours on the phone with every agency in the US! You get the real deal/no bs truths about which agencies aren't going to surprise you with additional costs (ramen noodles for life), advice on how open you should be (let's not spend every weekend with birth mama), and how to spot scam artists (Oh look at that, she took our 20k then changed her mind about placing the child), etc. That last one is part of why we went with an agency, which will be another post. There is a whooooole world of crazy that can be avoided if you know good people that have been through it all!
5.) Who the hell doesn't want new friends! And the adoptive community is a beautiful one. Every single person I have met that is adopting or has, seems to have a uniquely beautiful heart and always eager to share and help. And they just love their little heart bumps and all of them say how much the insane process is worth it!
Friending the world, one adoptive parent at a time,
Bumpless Baby Mama
I do suggest meeting fellow #adoptiveparents BEFORE you adopt, while you are in the actual process of losing your mind. I advise this for a few reasons. A few meaning 5 because I am too verbose for 3.
1.) Having people close by that you can talk to during the process is super important! Bottom line, adopting is not #pregnancy, and our preggo friends don't understand our stresses/emotional turmoil just like we don't understand their vomitous mornings and elephantiasis of the feet. Not saying to ditch your other #friends, I talk to my BFF every day after work and though our lives are very different, we talk about anything from deep chats to singing made up songs at the top of our lunges to me getting hugs from her kids through facetime. She has been my best #support after the husband of course! We are not in the waiting process yet, but I am glad to start setting up a support where when I reach the day of, "OMG WHEN IS OUR #CHILD COMING!!!!" after 5 months, I will have people reassure me that it will all be ok, because they did it and it was ok :) There is just something to be said for knowing people who have been through the same thing. It is like your friend having a huge pimple on her forehead at the same time as you. You are in it together!
2.) Having a #supportgroup set up before it all happens (because it CAN happen quickly, it all depends), is also good for when you get back from picking up your lil bean, and you are too wiped to think about getting dressed let alone joining a group or trying to set up mommy and me groups. You will come home and have people who know what you are going through. Besides #motherhood, there is the addition of #bonding with your child. This can be harder for adoptive parents, and if you are having trouble with it, you can ask your fellow AMs how they dealt with it. I mean, I will have no boob to coerce them with! Not the AMs, the #baby!
3.) Already having friends in the #adoptioncommunity also sets up friends for your child as they get older! What a nice perk, two lil buds that both came from a heart bump! #Adoptedchildren may have unique issues or questions and having older adoptive friends who have gone through it or peers the same age to grow up together and not feel like the only adopted child, is a wonderful thing! Not saying all adoptive children have these feelings, but from my research and experience speaking with others, it can be common for questions and yearning for closure depending on the situation.
4.) If you can get into a fancy lil adoption group during your home study it is even better because you will have a network of people to tell you what #adoptionagencies they used, suggest snazzy but cheap lawyers, recommendations on enough books to make your eyes bleed, etc. I definitely wished I had met more people in the beginning so I wouldn't have had to spent 500,000 hours on the phone with every agency in the US! You get the real deal/no bs truths about which agencies aren't going to surprise you with additional costs (ramen noodles for life), advice on how open you should be (let's not spend every weekend with birth mama), and how to spot scam artists (Oh look at that, she took our 20k then changed her mind about placing the child), etc. That last one is part of why we went with an agency, which will be another post. There is a whooooole world of crazy that can be avoided if you know good people that have been through it all!
5.) Who the hell doesn't want new friends! And the adoptive community is a beautiful one. Every single person I have met that is adopting or has, seems to have a uniquely beautiful heart and always eager to share and help. And they just love their little heart bumps and all of them say how much the insane process is worth it!
Friending the world, one adoptive parent at a time,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Nesting is rearing its ugly head!
The #nesting has begun! Though we still have to get our profile book and video done before we enter the pool, the nesting has officially started! It is weird to nest when you have no idea when lil #baby bean will come into your life, but the last thing I wanna do is come home from living in a hotel for a couple weeks and have to bolt together a #crib, search for special binkies and wash #clothes. So the process starts now. I have slowly been buying super cheap stuff on an online #yardsale our community has. I can not tell you how much this freakin site has exploded my #heart bubbles! I don't even know what heart bubbles are, but they exploded when I found this site. It is just for #kids stuff, and I got a changing table for 20 bucks, a whole crib set with matching valances, etc for 20 bucks with cute lil freakin #bunnies. I was so excited because most #nursery stuff I see on there is #gender specific and mama don't know if lil beans gonna be made of sugar and spice and everything nice or snakes and snails and puppy dog tails! So I decided last week I'd go with sage #green as a nice #neutral color and OH look at that, it is my favorite color, too...what a nice lil bonus! So today I stalked the site and right when someone posted this perfectly sage green and brown colored set I wrote Interested! with probably too many exclamation marks and excitement.
So as I am accumulating actual #furniture, car seats, etc., I will also be washing and #organizing all the generous hand me downs from my #BFF. My basement looks like we are definitely expecting a sugary sweet girl, but I am going with it just in case! This weekend starts Operation Hand-Me-Down Wash and Label! I even printed cute labels from crazy women's organizational blogs, which someday I may turn into. Because of my #OCD, I had to get all matching #Christmas bins when they were on sale this year, leaving us with the perfect amount of bins for our hand-me-downs. OH the joy. Love when life works out that way. Sidenote, nobody should have as many Christmas Bins as we do. Though they do look like gorgeous little soldiers all stacked up in a blissful red and green line on the shelf in our #garage. My neighbors said they stare at our garage as we drive in, in amazement that anyone's garage can be so nice and organized. I told them I don't have kids. We will see what happens to that nice OCD garage when I am not getting any sleep and cleaning up doo-doos and vomit. Happy New Year! lol
Waiting patiently with sage green everywhere and a labelmaker in hand,
Bumpless Baby Mama
So as I am accumulating actual #furniture, car seats, etc., I will also be washing and #organizing all the generous hand me downs from my #BFF. My basement looks like we are definitely expecting a sugary sweet girl, but I am going with it just in case! This weekend starts Operation Hand-Me-Down Wash and Label! I even printed cute labels from crazy women's organizational blogs, which someday I may turn into. Because of my #OCD, I had to get all matching #Christmas bins when they were on sale this year, leaving us with the perfect amount of bins for our hand-me-downs. OH the joy. Love when life works out that way. Sidenote, nobody should have as many Christmas Bins as we do. Though they do look like gorgeous little soldiers all stacked up in a blissful red and green line on the shelf in our #garage. My neighbors said they stare at our garage as we drive in, in amazement that anyone's garage can be so nice and organized. I told them I don't have kids. We will see what happens to that nice OCD garage when I am not getting any sleep and cleaning up doo-doos and vomit. Happy New Year! lol
Waiting patiently with sage green everywhere and a labelmaker in hand,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Preemie Babies, NICU Possibilities and Are We Being Graded?
Apparently on our desired child form, we forgot to fill out what level of #preemie we were ok with. Yes, you can choose how many months/weeks #premature is ok for your future #child to be born. I always feel like there is a right and wrong answer. Like we are being graded during the whole #adoption process. Like if we are too conservative the agency will take our perfectly written little form and shove it to the bottom of the pile under those who said , "Any baby out there!!!" while singing and twirling in the forest with bluebirds on their shoulders. I panicked and asked a few of my #mother friends who's answers ranged from 30 weeks to 37 weeks. We decided to err on the side of caution to start with, as you can control Z that shiz down the road and rewrite answers at any time. We put 37 weeks. I can see the bottom of the pile from here. Though I feel that may be a lil toooo cautious, we will most likely be in another state. It will be bonkers enough living in a hotel like #nomads, I can't imagine dealing with #NICU. I hate #hospitals, it always reminds me of when I was taking care of my dad after his brain surgeries and cancer treatments. Those God awful beeps everywhere, the fluorescent lighting that makes everyone look half dead even if they aren't, and man was I sick of hockey puck burgers and hardened vending machine #donuts. YES, I said I was sick of donuts, that's how bad it got! And the smell! I walk into a hospital and the scent alone sends blood rapidly into veins in my forehead I did not even know where there. All in favor of 37 weeks?! AYE AYE CAPTAIN!
Good thing I will not be the one #givingbirth. Though I am sure the pain is so bad you could care less what you smell and Lord knows with my big mouth nobody would hear any of those beeps that would sound like pin drops compared to my shrieks. Maybe it is best for everyone that we are adopting . We are not saying we will never conceive, and in the small chance that I will be in a hospital delivering a child one day, I will warn everyone to locate their emergency natural disaster plans (create one now if you don't have one, you will need it!) and flee.
Waiting for our grade and precious baby,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Good thing I will not be the one #givingbirth. Though I am sure the pain is so bad you could care less what you smell and Lord knows with my big mouth nobody would hear any of those beeps that would sound like pin drops compared to my shrieks. Maybe it is best for everyone that we are adopting . We are not saying we will never conceive, and in the small chance that I will be in a hospital delivering a child one day, I will warn everyone to locate their emergency natural disaster plans (create one now if you don't have one, you will need it!) and flee.
Waiting for our grade and precious baby,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Monday, January 13, 2014
Bach and I will take 2 orders of Chicken Tacos Please!
We sent our new background clearances in, I scanned all our paperwork that the social worker brought in and sent to the #adoption agency with the standard, "Please let us know if you need anything else from us." YEP, of course they did. She attached more pages to read and sign and said "I don't have these from you." OH! Maybe because nobody ever gave them to us. Luckily it was only a few documents that we signed that night and sent back. We are not technically "Approved" in this agency until our BG check is complete, so I asked if we should even start the profile book yet, I MEAN why waste time staring at old pics if we get rejected because they found out about that meth ring I used to run?! Joke...joke. She said yes to start now to save time later. SO, I plan on doing that this week! I have planning it in my head. Too bad there are only 10 pages, cause MAN I love #writing and I love me some #pictures! It will be hard to summarize us. If we were going to be super honest these would be our 'about us' pages-
Bullet points would read:
(about #wife from husbands perspective):
-quite #loud
-is on a first name basis with the Rio Grande staff
-Did great in college but only got straight A's senior year because she was hit by a drunk driver, leaving her with a bum hip and neck.
-has worked as a #makeup artist, in #television, as a #preschool teacher and in a church. She claims, "If you are good at so many things, why just pick one of them?"
-she is modest. #akanotmodest
(about #husband from wife's perspective):
-not even half as loud as me. Sometimes inaudible.
-is on a first name basis with the Rio Grande staff
-hates being tickled, though I continue to do it at least weekly.
-"I will be there at 8" means 8:45, so I always lie about what time our plans are
- is an amazing #musician, though often when I hear something coming from the #piano (sounding like Bach) and ask what it is, he responds, "OH, It's nothing, I'm just messin around on the piano." OH OK. When I mess around on it, it sounds like I sat on the piano, but you continue, Mr. ACTUALLY modest man.
That is probably not what they are looking for. Though I do think some of them could be used for captions, like one of us at Rio Grande, mentioning the first named basis. Maybe we will end up with a #Mexican child who will eat more than the chicken tacos we order.
sidenote: we both order chicken and rice at #chinese restaurants, too. Guess we could add on both of our about us pages, "Eats the most boring #food available."
Want to place your child with us?!?
Bullet points would read:
(about #wife from husbands perspective):
-quite #loud
-is on a first name basis with the Rio Grande staff
-Did great in college but only got straight A's senior year because she was hit by a drunk driver, leaving her with a bum hip and neck.
-has worked as a #makeup artist, in #television, as a #preschool teacher and in a church. She claims, "If you are good at so many things, why just pick one of them?"
-she is modest. #akanotmodest
(about #husband from wife's perspective):
-not even half as loud as me. Sometimes inaudible.
-is on a first name basis with the Rio Grande staff
-hates being tickled, though I continue to do it at least weekly.
-"I will be there at 8" means 8:45, so I always lie about what time our plans are
- is an amazing #musician, though often when I hear something coming from the #piano (sounding like Bach) and ask what it is, he responds, "OH, It's nothing, I'm just messin around on the piano." OH OK. When I mess around on it, it sounds like I sat on the piano, but you continue, Mr. ACTUALLY modest man.
That is probably not what they are looking for. Though I do think some of them could be used for captions, like one of us at Rio Grande, mentioning the first named basis. Maybe we will end up with a #Mexican child who will eat more than the chicken tacos we order.
sidenote: we both order chicken and rice at #chinese restaurants, too. Guess we could add on both of our about us pages, "Eats the most boring #food available."
Want to place your child with us?!?
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Yankees Hat, Glitter Shoes and Other Profile Book Do's and Don'ts!
Met the hubs at the bank today to do our second background clearance. Pushes us back a few weeks in the #adoption process, but we have to get our #profilebook together anyway, so let the fun begin! If you are not aware, a profile book is basically your life in a 10 page book for birth parents to go through, this is where they choose their future child's parents from. I actually am excited about the profile book. Not the concept of selling ourselves to the birth mother/parents, but the act of creating a scrap book type book makes my heart wiggle. I LOVE ME some #crafty wonder! Give me colors in any medium, glue (preferably a glue gun just for the fact they are fun to squirt), pictures and some female angsty 90's music in the background and I am in Heaven! If you are my Facebook friend, you probably know FB is basically where I keep all of my #photos. It may be annoying for you, but it works for this gal. So basically I have to go through all my albums, pick our loveliest most "look we are totally going to be good parents!" pictures, and try to sum up our lives in bullet points and mini paragraphs filling up 5 double sided pages for the birth parents to peruse. SURE...that should be easy. Easy or not, I think it will be a fun project for me! I guess I will let DH (apparently this is the internet's way to refer to husbands, in this case, Dear Husband? Weird, but I will use it since it is a few letters less than his name) help, but he can not touch my precious glue squirter! That baby is mine!
I have researched how to have a 'stand out' profile, because let's face it, we are in a competition now. I am no longer running on the track alone, competitive-reading with myself. It's go time. We want a #baby and so do they. Let's get our baby-getting Nikes on and run this race! I hope they come in pink. Not the baby, the shoes. So yes, the best article I found, rather than 20 tips was 3 simple ones. 1. Be genuine 2. Photos and Captions Must Rock! 3.Show More Than Tell. I think this will be good guidance. (http://www.myadoptionadvisor.com/th_gallery/top-3-adoption-profile-tips/) 1. Being genuine will attract people who may have similar belief systems, interest, etc. By showing my #Yankees hat, or my #glitter shoes, I could attract a child's family that has good ol 'tell it like it is' #NewYork blood and gaudy taste like me. No harm in being honest. 2. Photos and Captions Must Rock! Let's face it, we are all visual creatures and we judge books by their cover, in this case, literally. And please tell a story in some pictures, don't have every one look like you just got out of 4th period and took a yearbook photo. Show yourself climbing mountains (and I mean you because I am not sure if I would ever climb a mountain unless it was to get to a dozen krispy kremes.), surrounded by your lovely family, or just chillin on your deck for a summer BBQ. As far as captions are concerned, I am hoping to be creative and add some #humor so people know humor is a big part of our lives. Don't be captain obvious, "This is us at the zoo." Make it more personal, "At the zoo, we discovered DH looks quite similar to a lemur, but he smells like an elephant." OK, maybe not that, but you get my drift. 3. Show More Than Tell. For example, instead of "AM is here cooking", use descriptions and connect the reader, "AM absolutely hates #cooking, but here she is with her friend the #crockpot who does the cooking for her, it also makes the house smell like she has actually been cooking her grandmas #Italian meatballs for hours!" You get the idea. Fluff it all up in a real way, be real, fo real, fo real. On a serious note, avoid posting things that could be offensive, , no curses, no pictures of alcohol, smoking or other possible deterrents. Be right back, gotta go grab my smokes. I JOKE... I JOKE, NO SMOKE.
Considering including a picture of DH and I creating #music together, but may scare off the BM with my 'singing face' #notcute,
Bumpless Baby Mama
I have researched how to have a 'stand out' profile, because let's face it, we are in a competition now. I am no longer running on the track alone, competitive-reading with myself. It's go time. We want a #baby and so do they. Let's get our baby-getting Nikes on and run this race! I hope they come in pink. Not the baby, the shoes. So yes, the best article I found, rather than 20 tips was 3 simple ones. 1. Be genuine 2. Photos and Captions Must Rock! 3.Show More Than Tell. I think this will be good guidance. (http://www.myadoptionadvisor.com/th_gallery/top-3-adoption-profile-tips/) 1. Being genuine will attract people who may have similar belief systems, interest, etc. By showing my #Yankees hat, or my #glitter shoes, I could attract a child's family that has good ol 'tell it like it is' #NewYork blood and gaudy taste like me. No harm in being honest. 2. Photos and Captions Must Rock! Let's face it, we are all visual creatures and we judge books by their cover, in this case, literally. And please tell a story in some pictures, don't have every one look like you just got out of 4th period and took a yearbook photo. Show yourself climbing mountains (and I mean you because I am not sure if I would ever climb a mountain unless it was to get to a dozen krispy kremes.), surrounded by your lovely family, or just chillin on your deck for a summer BBQ. As far as captions are concerned, I am hoping to be creative and add some #humor so people know humor is a big part of our lives. Don't be captain obvious, "This is us at the zoo." Make it more personal, "At the zoo, we discovered DH looks quite similar to a lemur, but he smells like an elephant." OK, maybe not that, but you get my drift. 3. Show More Than Tell. For example, instead of "AM is here cooking", use descriptions and connect the reader, "AM absolutely hates #cooking, but here she is with her friend the #crockpot who does the cooking for her, it also makes the house smell like she has actually been cooking her grandmas #Italian meatballs for hours!" You get the idea. Fluff it all up in a real way, be real, fo real, fo real. On a serious note, avoid posting things that could be offensive, , no curses, no pictures of alcohol, smoking or other possible deterrents. Be right back, gotta go grab my smokes. I JOKE... I JOKE, NO SMOKE.
Considering including a picture of DH and I creating #music together, but may scare off the BM with my 'singing face' #notcute,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Transracial Adoption; I Am Going to Disney World!!!
As someone who grew up in quite a #diverse neighborhood, I didn't even know choosing your own #race was a choice in #adoption, I thought we were just one ol big box of crayons that after you spew out your life savings, one of those crayons comes shooting out at you and you don't sleep for months and your family begins. And you probably go to therapy. But there it was, staring us in the face on our check list "Please choose which race you are interested in adopting." Then they list them out, like a dessert menu. Then you check off everything from Asian to Pacific Islander. There are two schools of thought on #transracialadoption. You get the people who are all for it, saying as long as they are in a loving home, that is all that matters. "Love is love", "A #child is a child". "There are YouTube videos on how to do black girls' hair!" "Get an Asian one, they will be smart!" These are all direct quotes. Embarrassingly from people I know. Then there is the other side, "Growing up being adopted is hard enough, why add race into the mix?" "There will be a loss in identity." "White parents will 'white-wash' their child of another race." I feel like most people are passionate about whatever their side is. One of my friends who is also adopting only checked the #Caucasian box, stating "I want them to be able to tell their own story. If they are a different race than us, they do not get that option. If they do not want to ever tell anyone they are adopted that is fine with me, and this way they have the option." I understand her view. Not saying it is my view, and for me, I believe adoption will be a huge part of our lives, we will be part of the crazy verbose adoption community, we will be adoption advocates that blab on and on about it for days (And by we I mean me). So I am not seeing our specific family as having adoption as a secret. We will be those crazy people linking our lil adoptive arms at the top of the lush green mountain yelling about how awesome we are...I mean how awesome adoption is ;) I feel we should leave it up to each family to decide and never judge their choices as far as race goes. Everyone has their reason and I can understand both sides. If someone did not want to adopt a child simply because they have stereotypes and negative feelings toward the child's race, well THEN we can judge. It is called the "I can judge a racist" rule. And I just made it up.
Here is some interesting info. Our first agency recently took off the "biracial" option on their check list. They said they did this because they found many couples/ #adoptive parents checking off only their race and biracial (mainly another race mixed with their own race) assuming the child would look at least KIND of like them. If you know anything about biracial children, just because they are biracial it does not mean they will be the perfect mix of the two different skin toned parents. #Children are not ice cream, mixing equal parts chocolate and vanilla, getting a perfect swirl of color. I know #biracial children that are very dark skinned and some that are lighter than me (who knew it was even humanly possible to be ghostlier than my #Irish skin?!). So the agencies' point was people are checking off races for the wrong reasons, so they just took that crap off and figured if you are going to be open to biracial #AfricanAmerican, you sure as hell are going to be open to 100% African American. I liked that they did that. 2 points for the agency we did not go with. SIDENOTE: I actually would prefer my child having darker skin than myself to avoid what I call sun bouncing syndrome. The sun basically hides when she sees me and if I do find her I just get cherry red shoulders and sweat like Jackie Joyner. Why did I just reference an athlete from the 90's?. Anyway, as a 6 year old in #DisneyWorld, where all children's freaking dreams come true, and everything sparkles, I didn't bounce that Disney sun and I got sun poisoning. Shoulder's bubbled up like a witches nose, unable to raise my arms in glory as I whisked through space mountain. I'm lying. I wasn't even tall enough for #SpaceMountain, but a girl can #dream. Let me have my fake Space Mountain moment.
Waiting to go to Disney with my child that doesn't scare the sun away,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Here is some interesting info. Our first agency recently took off the "biracial" option on their check list. They said they did this because they found many couples/ #adoptive parents checking off only their race and biracial (mainly another race mixed with their own race) assuming the child would look at least KIND of like them. If you know anything about biracial children, just because they are biracial it does not mean they will be the perfect mix of the two different skin toned parents. #Children are not ice cream, mixing equal parts chocolate and vanilla, getting a perfect swirl of color. I know #biracial children that are very dark skinned and some that are lighter than me (who knew it was even humanly possible to be ghostlier than my #Irish skin?!). So the agencies' point was people are checking off races for the wrong reasons, so they just took that crap off and figured if you are going to be open to biracial #AfricanAmerican, you sure as hell are going to be open to 100% African American. I liked that they did that. 2 points for the agency we did not go with. SIDENOTE: I actually would prefer my child having darker skin than myself to avoid what I call sun bouncing syndrome. The sun basically hides when she sees me and if I do find her I just get cherry red shoulders and sweat like Jackie Joyner. Why did I just reference an athlete from the 90's?. Anyway, as a 6 year old in #DisneyWorld, where all children's freaking dreams come true, and everything sparkles, I didn't bounce that Disney sun and I got sun poisoning. Shoulder's bubbled up like a witches nose, unable to raise my arms in glory as I whisked through space mountain. I'm lying. I wasn't even tall enough for #SpaceMountain, but a girl can #dream. Let me have my fake Space Mountain moment.
Waiting to go to Disney with my child that doesn't scare the sun away,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Welcome to Adoption University! Where your eyes bleed from reading and guilt fills your veins!
OOH what came in the mail you ask? A 200 page book on Open Adoption. They must have thought I needed more of a challenge, that the paperwork from this weekend just wasn't enough. I will just add it on top of the books on my end table. The cheesy girly ones that I thought I may read this year before we entered Adoption School. That is what I decided it is now. I am getting my Master's in Adoption. Tests included. Yep, they test us sometimes after we read certain provided articles or books. Adoption University needs a mascot. I am going to go ahead and be original and suggest a baby. And school colors. Maybe yellow and blue, since one day you can be happy happy joy joy and the next you may end up weeping in the corner with a pint of ice cream. In my case not even REAL ice cream cause the Lord blessed me with lactose intolerance. What a pitiful picture, I hope that day does not come that a birth mother changes her mind, because I WILL be in the corner with soy ice cream, and that alone may get me an F- in "coping class".
OK, so the Open Adoption Book. I have already read one, and many articles, but can't hurt to read another I suppose. Basically Open Adoption is where you keep in touch with the birthmother (BM) or birthfather (BF) or in some cases the beeegeees! Not the band, birth grandparents! Crazy I know. There are different levels of openness. The very minimum is usually sending the Birth family pictures and letters. A lot of agencies encourage this or even make it a requirement. From there you can have one visit a year, two, etc etc. Some families are insane...i mean sweet...and have such a close relationship they may do Sunday dinners together. That shit is not for us. I get the whole 'no child can have enough love', but I can have enough. We are definitely doing letters and pictures. Probably will do one visit a year, but no information exchanged. I do not want birth mama climbin in my window. This actually like NEVER happens, but in my cautious brain it does, so I will not give myself that anxiety. So the once a year visits we will just see them at the agency event that occurs once a year, never without a third party present. This is a typical set up. Do not panic, you do NOT have to have an open adoption, but all the research does show it is better for the child. So you will ruin their lives if you don't. Joke, but that is kind of how agencies make you feel during the educational meetings. Between not checking off most of the 'child desired' boxes and not wanting to meet with the birth family more than once a year with supervision, I have developed so much guilt you'd think I was still Catholic.
That being said, some birth mamas (the ones that had the bumps) do disappear sometimes, so there are risks, but research shows even if they do, it is better than the child not having information on where they came from, and as questions come up, not having someone to answer them. Research shows some adopted children have lower self esteem due to identity issues (moreso with closed adoptions). Obviously, as a future parent, I want to give my child the best I can, and if that means going a little out of my comfort zone so be it. There will be no Sunday dinners though. Unless they bring donuts. NO, FIGHT THE URGE CHRISTY!
Come get over here with those Krispy Kremes, BM!,
Bumpless Baby Mama
OK, so the Open Adoption Book. I have already read one, and many articles, but can't hurt to read another I suppose. Basically Open Adoption is where you keep in touch with the birthmother (BM) or birthfather (BF) or in some cases the beeegeees! Not the band, birth grandparents! Crazy I know. There are different levels of openness. The very minimum is usually sending the Birth family pictures and letters. A lot of agencies encourage this or even make it a requirement. From there you can have one visit a year, two, etc etc. Some families are insane...i mean sweet...and have such a close relationship they may do Sunday dinners together. That shit is not for us. I get the whole 'no child can have enough love', but I can have enough. We are definitely doing letters and pictures. Probably will do one visit a year, but no information exchanged. I do not want birth mama climbin in my window. This actually like NEVER happens, but in my cautious brain it does, so I will not give myself that anxiety. So the once a year visits we will just see them at the agency event that occurs once a year, never without a third party present. This is a typical set up. Do not panic, you do NOT have to have an open adoption, but all the research does show it is better for the child. So you will ruin their lives if you don't. Joke, but that is kind of how agencies make you feel during the educational meetings. Between not checking off most of the 'child desired' boxes and not wanting to meet with the birth family more than once a year with supervision, I have developed so much guilt you'd think I was still Catholic.
That being said, some birth mamas (the ones that had the bumps) do disappear sometimes, so there are risks, but research shows even if they do, it is better than the child not having information on where they came from, and as questions come up, not having someone to answer them. Research shows some adopted children have lower self esteem due to identity issues (moreso with closed adoptions). Obviously, as a future parent, I want to give my child the best I can, and if that means going a little out of my comfort zone so be it. There will be no Sunday dinners though. Unless they bring donuts. NO, FIGHT THE URGE CHRISTY!
Come get over here with those Krispy Kremes, BM!,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Monday, January 6, 2014
You Can't Catch Me, I am the Paperwork Olympian!
Does paperwork ever make you feel really stupid? I think of myself as a relatively smart woman (I had to force myself to write woman because I usually refer to myself as a girl, but since I am going to be a mama and all that, guess it is time to label myself a woman...Woooo-mannn...WOOOAH MAN! Name that movie!) OK #A.D.D., get out of my freakin face. But some of this paperwork has me questioning my ability to comprehend large words and legal language. Mike and I sat there on one form, both blankly looking at eachother. First of all, this shit was the longest run on sentence I have ever seen, so maybe THEY are the ones that need to go back to English class. I mean I was in honors English all of high school, but I had to look up two words and still didn't get it. Mike did the pretending to know what it meant til I asked him to explain it deal. That made me feel better but then I realized, "WAIT! You need to understand this, I depend on you to be smarter than me!!" He laughed and said, "Well, I don't get it! Let me read it again." Mike is smart. He is very smart...so it DID make me feel better he wasn't so sure what it meant either. Even after reading it 5 times.
We guessed what it probably meant and moved on. It is only #adoption, only a #LIFE, no need to make sure you know what it means before signing your name on it, right?
I have become #competitive with Mike during this process. I am competitive by nature, but the funny thing is he is not even competing back. So basically I am competing with myself then bragging when I 'win'. Nobody is playing this game with you, Christy. You are alone in it. It usually consists of when they give us hoards of articles or a book to read, I grab the stack or book and speed read. Last night upon completion I announced it as if I had run a marathon and beat everyone, "I READ IT ALL faster than you! You haven't even read one!!" There I was, running all alone on the track, bragging that I got the gold medal. Mike being sweet Mike said, "Good job honey! You read them fast!" Poor guy. He is stuck with me now. The funny thing is, he will probably never read them and never care...which is good because he may read faster than me and that would ruin my #winning streak!
Adoption Paperwork Olypian runnin' high speed toward her lil bean,
Bumpless Baby Mama
We guessed what it probably meant and moved on. It is only #adoption, only a #LIFE, no need to make sure you know what it means before signing your name on it, right?
I have become #competitive with Mike during this process. I am competitive by nature, but the funny thing is he is not even competing back. So basically I am competing with myself then bragging when I 'win'. Nobody is playing this game with you, Christy. You are alone in it. It usually consists of when they give us hoards of articles or a book to read, I grab the stack or book and speed read. Last night upon completion I announced it as if I had run a marathon and beat everyone, "I READ IT ALL faster than you! You haven't even read one!!" There I was, running all alone on the track, bragging that I got the gold medal. Mike being sweet Mike said, "Good job honey! You read them fast!" Poor guy. He is stuck with me now. The funny thing is, he will probably never read them and never care...which is good because he may read faster than me and that would ruin my #winning streak!
Adoption Paperwork Olypian runnin' high speed toward her lil bean,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Serious Sally the Social Worker Doesn't Like Chocolate.
OK her name isn't Sally, but it should be.
Since we went with a different #adoptionagency than the one that did our home study, they have to do a home study review. In our case that included doing our state background check again. OHHH FUN! Let's do all it over again and pay twice! Also included in this review is our local social worker coming to check our house again. I thought we already did this? Did we start a methlab since the last agency came a couple months ago? So, she came yesterday, checked out our digs and piled our kitchen table with yet another stack of paperwork. Hmm, you guys look familiar, can't I just copy the ones from the other agency? She also presented a webinar without the web. Hmm. Ok. I clapped afterwards and told her good job, even if it was live and she wasn't on a computer. She is very serious so my clapping was met with a half smile and a thank you. As we toured the house, she complimented my decorating skills and when we asked if we could do our own video since I was a video major in college she said, "You just have all the talents, don't you?!" I said, "Yes, and I can play the piano with my feet!" As Mike stated, "She totally believed you." Looks like I may have to save my sarcasm for somebody else.
Going through the blessed form where you check off what drug and alcohol exposure and what mental illness in the family you will accept is such an uncomfortable thing. We want a healthy baby of course, but microscoping it by which trimester and what type of depression just makes it that more complicated. I feel like such a bad person not checking off so many boxes! And there are so many of them! From cocaine to schizophrenia. I talked to a nurse who gave me some tips on what to pick and we are starting out conservatively. The agency says "Don't check anything off you would be uncomfortable with but keep in mind if you are too closed you could wait years and it can be a much more difficult process". OH, ok, then...slap some guilt on the end of it while you are at it, too. So we are choosing no alcohol or drugs like coke, pills, etc. but maybe some pot here and there. I am sure that doesn't sound conservative at all to those of you outside of the #adoption crew, but it is. A lot of birth mothers who place may not know they are #pregnant early on and some just have addictions and/or mental illness which can be one of the reasons they are placing. Apparently smokin a lil ganja is on the same level as smoking cigarettes while you are pregnant, there are some risks, but such a high percentage of birth mothers smoke that we can not even say no to cigarette smoking because we will evidently deteriorate by the time we adopt. Mike and I have been watching Mad Men (I know I know, we are a little behind on the times), and look at all those ladies with their prego bellies and smokes! I think my mom smoked while she was pregnant and look how I turned out! Hmm, maybe not a good example.
As my standard social worker welcome, I had my Bath and Body Works candle lit, tea on the kettle and my festive candies within arms' reach. As we were reading the mound of paperwork signing our lives and money away, I poured myself some lovely eggnog tea and offered our SW the same. She said no thanks so I offered water. Nope. Candy? Nope. Cookies? Nope. I am not sure who can say no to peppermint Hershey kisses, so I ate hers too, and 5 other people's that were not present. BUT, I realized the other social worker didn't accept any drink or candy/snack. I mean they are in the house for a couple hours and talking the whole time, don't they get parched at least? I wonder if it is a rule that they can not take drink or food from clients, or they are just not that into drinking liquids or devouring chocolate. Soooo-rry, I thought those were standards in life.
Off to fill out 16 pages of stuff I have already filled out, #totallymakessense
Bumpless Baby Mama
**Note my cool hashtag usage that google's blogger suggested I do to attract the best audience. #bradpitt I mean #adoption
Since we went with a different #adoptionagency than the one that did our home study, they have to do a home study review. In our case that included doing our state background check again. OHHH FUN! Let's do all it over again and pay twice! Also included in this review is our local social worker coming to check our house again. I thought we already did this? Did we start a methlab since the last agency came a couple months ago? So, she came yesterday, checked out our digs and piled our kitchen table with yet another stack of paperwork. Hmm, you guys look familiar, can't I just copy the ones from the other agency? She also presented a webinar without the web. Hmm. Ok. I clapped afterwards and told her good job, even if it was live and she wasn't on a computer. She is very serious so my clapping was met with a half smile and a thank you. As we toured the house, she complimented my decorating skills and when we asked if we could do our own video since I was a video major in college she said, "You just have all the talents, don't you?!" I said, "Yes, and I can play the piano with my feet!" As Mike stated, "She totally believed you." Looks like I may have to save my sarcasm for somebody else.
Going through the blessed form where you check off what drug and alcohol exposure and what mental illness in the family you will accept is such an uncomfortable thing. We want a healthy baby of course, but microscoping it by which trimester and what type of depression just makes it that more complicated. I feel like such a bad person not checking off so many boxes! And there are so many of them! From cocaine to schizophrenia. I talked to a nurse who gave me some tips on what to pick and we are starting out conservatively. The agency says "Don't check anything off you would be uncomfortable with but keep in mind if you are too closed you could wait years and it can be a much more difficult process". OH, ok, then...slap some guilt on the end of it while you are at it, too. So we are choosing no alcohol or drugs like coke, pills, etc. but maybe some pot here and there. I am sure that doesn't sound conservative at all to those of you outside of the #adoption crew, but it is. A lot of birth mothers who place may not know they are #pregnant early on and some just have addictions and/or mental illness which can be one of the reasons they are placing. Apparently smokin a lil ganja is on the same level as smoking cigarettes while you are pregnant, there are some risks, but such a high percentage of birth mothers smoke that we can not even say no to cigarette smoking because we will evidently deteriorate by the time we adopt. Mike and I have been watching Mad Men (I know I know, we are a little behind on the times), and look at all those ladies with their prego bellies and smokes! I think my mom smoked while she was pregnant and look how I turned out! Hmm, maybe not a good example.
As my standard social worker welcome, I had my Bath and Body Works candle lit, tea on the kettle and my festive candies within arms' reach. As we were reading the mound of paperwork signing our lives and money away, I poured myself some lovely eggnog tea and offered our SW the same. She said no thanks so I offered water. Nope. Candy? Nope. Cookies? Nope. I am not sure who can say no to peppermint Hershey kisses, so I ate hers too, and 5 other people's that were not present. BUT, I realized the other social worker didn't accept any drink or candy/snack. I mean they are in the house for a couple hours and talking the whole time, don't they get parched at least? I wonder if it is a rule that they can not take drink or food from clients, or they are just not that into drinking liquids or devouring chocolate. Soooo-rry, I thought those were standards in life.
Off to fill out 16 pages of stuff I have already filled out, #totallymakessense
Bumpless Baby Mama
**Note my cool hashtag usage that google's blogger suggested I do to attract the best audience. #bradpitt I mean #adoption
Friday, January 3, 2014
Five Things Not to Ask an Adoptive Parent: Unless it is me with my sparkly thick skin.
Five Things Not to Ask an Adoptive Parent (unless it is me): and why adoptive parents may find the questions offensive.
I will preface this with these seem to be things that really bug the crap out of adoptive parents that I have spoken with, social workers and the adoption agencies. People (not all!) seem to get quite angry or offended when asked these questions. I, myself, see how they definitely can be offensive or intrusive, but understand why people ask. People are curious by nature. People do not always know the pc way of asking questions. People haven't gone through courses that teach to you never refer to the birth mother as "giving up" a child, only as "placing a child." People are ignorant, and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way. So, here we go. If you have these questions, ask me instead :)
1.) "How much is/was your baby?" I actually am guilty myself of this because as a 'jokester' I often refer to my adoption as, 'I am buyin a baby!" The difference, I guess is I am being sarcastic and extreme for effect because clearly I think I am funny, but I have seen people's offended faces even when I say that, so maybe I will stop. Or not. I am the one buyin the damn thing (see, "the damn thing" for effect ;)). OK, OK, back to the task at hand. So I have had some people just flat out ask, "How much is it (the child) going to be?" Some people, sweeten it up with confectioners sugar on top, "If you don't mind me asking, what will the costs for agency and legal fees be?" I myself am an overly honest and forthright person, so I have never been bothered by this but TRUST ME even if they don't act it, a lot of people are bothered by this question. AP (adoptive parents) are bothered by this because a.) Money is a very personal thing to a lot of people, do we as easily go around asking how much someone's car is? Probably not, because we generally know a car price or can look it up on Honda.com. With adoption, the range is so wide you could never really guess the cost. So people are curious. But I would avoid asking this one. If you are really interested you can get ranges online and search by agency adoptions or private adoptions. Or ask me, the human adoption information booth. b.) That being said, this process is not like purchasing a car, and APs don't like to view this whole thing as a business transaction. You are talking about their child, a life. We do not buy the child, we pay for legal fees, agency fees, and sometimes birth mother fees. It may feel as weird as asking how much someone's c-section was, or the lingerie they wore the night it happened. Ah, if it were only that much. c.) This is the only one that really applies to me. It is a reminder of just how much the process costs. It is an entire bottle of Morton's salt in my fresh money leaking wound!!! Is it worth it? Of course! Doesn't make you not shriek when you think about handing over life savings, though. But clearly there is no better way to spend life savings on well...a life!
2.) "What is he/she?" (assuming asking ethnicity) This one is very offensive to everyone I have spoken to. It has been brought up in our classes, my APs I have talked to. This can just as well be asked of biological children, and should not be asked regarding them either. Asking 'what' a child is never goes over well with parents. I read a blog from an adoptive mother that said she was SO sick of people asking this and finally one day at the store after a woman asked, the AM looked at her son, "Why don't you tell her WHAT you are?" Not knowing what he would say, she watched..."I am IRON MAN!!!" That is one of my favorite stories ever. If you are that eager to know what ethnicity the child is, simply start with a compliment and end with the question, "What a beautiful child, do you mind sharing what ethnicity he/she is?" I do believe often times, people are curious because the child is so beautiful/looks exotic, but how they word it causes the AP to receive it negatively.
3.) "How could someone give this baby away?" Although this seems like a sweet thing to say, complimenting the child, it is not received that way in 'our world'. Birth mother's are often given a bad name. Placing a child up for adoption (yes look at me using the PC word placing!) is a very SELFLESS act. That may sound odd to some, but it is. If you are a mother or know a mother, you know your bond starts from the time they are in your stretched out belly. So, sit and imagine having to give your child to someone else. For life. No woman would just choose to do that. These women go through heart ache and pain assessing whether or not they believe they have the capacity to care for their child the way that child deserves to be cared for. Or even survive. They didn't just 'give away' their baby like it was an old pair of shredded bell bottoms. This was a decision they took time to take and will haunt them for the rest of their lives. And the stigma of birth mothers that place, being 15 years old is a thing of the past. Sure, it happens occasionally, but since society developed and Teen Mom graced our screens, it has become more and more acceptable for teens to keep their children. The average age of BMs (birth mothers and bowel movements) is mid 20's-30. In a lot of cases they can not take care of their child financially. In some cases, mentally. There are many reasons, but "I just don't want this baby" doesn't seem to be one of them. I honestly didn't know until I went through the educational classes that BMs had such a negative stigma, but apparently they do. But as APs are educated, many become defensive and even protective of their BMs, so don't be surprised if you ask this question and get a defensive answer back. Keep in mind a large amount of adoptions are open, meaning the AP are in touch with the BM and/or BF., some consider them friends. That discussion will get its own lil post :)
4.) "Where are his real parents?" BOIIIIING strike that chord! If you really wanna stab the AP in the chest ask this one! The answer is RIGHT HERE. APs are the real parents. I get what you mean, but we are some sensitive mofos so use the correct word, "biological parents" and you won't get jabbed in the Trachea. Keep in mind many APs have gone through fertility and issues having biological children, so reminding them of what they feel is inadequacy is a big no no! Other similar questions that even I will probably scrunch my face at are, "Does it feel like he/she is your own?" or "Do you think you will get pregnant now, that is how it works sometimes!" "Can you not have kids or something?" Just don't. I did not even go through fertility and don't love these questions, so I can imagine those that HAVE gone through fertility, etc., may feel uncomfortable. And by feel uncomfortable I mean may go home and weep.
5.) "Does this baby know how lucky she is?" She will probably feel crazy lucky at age 5 and like nobody understands her at age 15, just like any other child, but we definitely know how lucky we are.
Future Real Parent of Iron Man or Wonder Woman,
Bumpless Baby Mama
I will preface this with these seem to be things that really bug the crap out of adoptive parents that I have spoken with, social workers and the adoption agencies. People (not all!) seem to get quite angry or offended when asked these questions. I, myself, see how they definitely can be offensive or intrusive, but understand why people ask. People are curious by nature. People do not always know the pc way of asking questions. People haven't gone through courses that teach to you never refer to the birth mother as "giving up" a child, only as "placing a child." People are ignorant, and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way. So, here we go. If you have these questions, ask me instead :)
1.) "How much is/was your baby?" I actually am guilty myself of this because as a 'jokester' I often refer to my adoption as, 'I am buyin a baby!" The difference, I guess is I am being sarcastic and extreme for effect because clearly I think I am funny, but I have seen people's offended faces even when I say that, so maybe I will stop. Or not. I am the one buyin the damn thing (see, "the damn thing" for effect ;)). OK, OK, back to the task at hand. So I have had some people just flat out ask, "How much is it (the child) going to be?" Some people, sweeten it up with confectioners sugar on top, "If you don't mind me asking, what will the costs for agency and legal fees be?" I myself am an overly honest and forthright person, so I have never been bothered by this but TRUST ME even if they don't act it, a lot of people are bothered by this question. AP (adoptive parents) are bothered by this because a.) Money is a very personal thing to a lot of people, do we as easily go around asking how much someone's car is? Probably not, because we generally know a car price or can look it up on Honda.com. With adoption, the range is so wide you could never really guess the cost. So people are curious. But I would avoid asking this one. If you are really interested you can get ranges online and search by agency adoptions or private adoptions. Or ask me, the human adoption information booth. b.) That being said, this process is not like purchasing a car, and APs don't like to view this whole thing as a business transaction. You are talking about their child, a life. We do not buy the child, we pay for legal fees, agency fees, and sometimes birth mother fees. It may feel as weird as asking how much someone's c-section was, or the lingerie they wore the night it happened. Ah, if it were only that much. c.) This is the only one that really applies to me. It is a reminder of just how much the process costs. It is an entire bottle of Morton's salt in my fresh money leaking wound!!! Is it worth it? Of course! Doesn't make you not shriek when you think about handing over life savings, though. But clearly there is no better way to spend life savings on well...a life!
2.) "What is he/she?" (assuming asking ethnicity) This one is very offensive to everyone I have spoken to. It has been brought up in our classes, my APs I have talked to. This can just as well be asked of biological children, and should not be asked regarding them either. Asking 'what' a child is never goes over well with parents. I read a blog from an adoptive mother that said she was SO sick of people asking this and finally one day at the store after a woman asked, the AM looked at her son, "Why don't you tell her WHAT you are?" Not knowing what he would say, she watched..."I am IRON MAN!!!" That is one of my favorite stories ever. If you are that eager to know what ethnicity the child is, simply start with a compliment and end with the question, "What a beautiful child, do you mind sharing what ethnicity he/she is?" I do believe often times, people are curious because the child is so beautiful/looks exotic, but how they word it causes the AP to receive it negatively.
3.) "How could someone give this baby away?" Although this seems like a sweet thing to say, complimenting the child, it is not received that way in 'our world'. Birth mother's are often given a bad name. Placing a child up for adoption (yes look at me using the PC word placing!) is a very SELFLESS act. That may sound odd to some, but it is. If you are a mother or know a mother, you know your bond starts from the time they are in your stretched out belly. So, sit and imagine having to give your child to someone else. For life. No woman would just choose to do that. These women go through heart ache and pain assessing whether or not they believe they have the capacity to care for their child the way that child deserves to be cared for. Or even survive. They didn't just 'give away' their baby like it was an old pair of shredded bell bottoms. This was a decision they took time to take and will haunt them for the rest of their lives. And the stigma of birth mothers that place, being 15 years old is a thing of the past. Sure, it happens occasionally, but since society developed and Teen Mom graced our screens, it has become more and more acceptable for teens to keep their children. The average age of BMs (birth mothers and bowel movements) is mid 20's-30. In a lot of cases they can not take care of their child financially. In some cases, mentally. There are many reasons, but "I just don't want this baby" doesn't seem to be one of them. I honestly didn't know until I went through the educational classes that BMs had such a negative stigma, but apparently they do. But as APs are educated, many become defensive and even protective of their BMs, so don't be surprised if you ask this question and get a defensive answer back. Keep in mind a large amount of adoptions are open, meaning the AP are in touch with the BM and/or BF., some consider them friends. That discussion will get its own lil post :)
4.) "Where are his real parents?" BOIIIIING strike that chord! If you really wanna stab the AP in the chest ask this one! The answer is RIGHT HERE. APs are the real parents. I get what you mean, but we are some sensitive mofos so use the correct word, "biological parents" and you won't get jabbed in the Trachea. Keep in mind many APs have gone through fertility and issues having biological children, so reminding them of what they feel is inadequacy is a big no no! Other similar questions that even I will probably scrunch my face at are, "Does it feel like he/she is your own?" or "Do you think you will get pregnant now, that is how it works sometimes!" "Can you not have kids or something?" Just don't. I did not even go through fertility and don't love these questions, so I can imagine those that HAVE gone through fertility, etc., may feel uncomfortable. And by feel uncomfortable I mean may go home and weep.
5.) "Does this baby know how lucky she is?" She will probably feel crazy lucky at age 5 and like nobody understands her at age 15, just like any other child, but we definitely know how lucky we are.
Future Real Parent of Iron Man or Wonder Woman,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Who, Me? A Control Freak?
Alright, so as a Taurus, one of my traits is being stubborn because we fear losing control. For a New Year's Resolution I am going to let go of control! And stop lying. Because I do not ever do New Year's Resolutions. BUT, speaking of control, in adoption you have plenty of it until you are placed into the waiting pool (not to be confused with wading pool but quite similar). This is the part I fear. I mean I have managed everything (Mike has his input, preferences, too, but as you know, if you know us in real life, he is a lot more easy going than this guy right here...*motioning really corny thumbs facing my chest). From the beginning you have control, though it is as stressful as applying to colleges to find an agency to do the home study if you are as black and white as me and those delicious cookies in New York. You take control of the home study (which I recommend doing because you are a big part of how quickly your home study goes, get that paperwork done as fast as you can you lil choo choo train that could!). You control whether you adopt a child from the U.S., the age of your child, if that child is exposed to alcohol or drugs in the womb, if there is mental illness that is known in their family tree, and in some cases even gender. You control how you present yourself on the wanna be snapfish book, what race the child will be, if you will keep in touch with the birth mother, and more. You control how much money you spend. But if you want a healthy infant, get ready to make some major adjustments in life and possibly sell your soul. And I hope you like pasta. And Sephora and I are getting a divorce.
And you control that lovely 400 page spreadsheet documenting everything. I found myself taking on a whole new level of OCD on the things I COULD control because I knew the big loss of control is to come! You don't control when you receive your child, you don't control the birth mother's decision on if she changes her mind and wants to keep the child, a lot of the time you don't know if the father is a coke snorter or if he will show up and want the child during the period he has the legal right to take custody. In our case, we do not know if we will be matched with a birth mother 5 months before birth or get a call during a cozy sleep in the middle of the night saying, "Someone here at ________ hospital just gave birth and would like to match with you. You must come now." Then you have to pack up and go live in a hotel for up to 14 days. OH that should be a breeze, discovering motherhood in a hotel! At least there are maids! But on the gooshy side of me, my biggest fear is holding 'our child' in our arms for 2 weeks and the birth mother changing her mind. Not that I would be angry, these birth mother's go through so much pain and I would understand completely, but that won't lesson our pain. I imagine it would feel like the hulk socking you right in the gut and then twisting your heart. A million times. But with anything in life, you grieve and get back on the adoption saddle. And eat donuts...and lucky for us adoptive mothers, drink wine.
Saddled up and waiting,
Bumpless Baby Mama
And you control that lovely 400 page spreadsheet documenting everything. I found myself taking on a whole new level of OCD on the things I COULD control because I knew the big loss of control is to come! You don't control when you receive your child, you don't control the birth mother's decision on if she changes her mind and wants to keep the child, a lot of the time you don't know if the father is a coke snorter or if he will show up and want the child during the period he has the legal right to take custody. In our case, we do not know if we will be matched with a birth mother 5 months before birth or get a call during a cozy sleep in the middle of the night saying, "Someone here at ________ hospital just gave birth and would like to match with you. You must come now." Then you have to pack up and go live in a hotel for up to 14 days. OH that should be a breeze, discovering motherhood in a hotel! At least there are maids! But on the gooshy side of me, my biggest fear is holding 'our child' in our arms for 2 weeks and the birth mother changing her mind. Not that I would be angry, these birth mother's go through so much pain and I would understand completely, but that won't lesson our pain. I imagine it would feel like the hulk socking you right in the gut and then twisting your heart. A million times. But with anything in life, you grieve and get back on the adoption saddle. And eat donuts...and lucky for us adoptive mothers, drink wine.
Saddled up and waiting,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Genderless Baby!
So, with a lot of agencies you can not pick the gender of your child (including our agency). I don't quite understand this because if you are spending tens of thousands of dollars, some may think they should be able to choose. Not saying I am THEY, but maybe I am. OK, I am the they I speak of. I get it, you can not dictate your biological child's gender. This seems to be a touchy subject to people, not understanding why anyone would want to choose their child's gender. I, myself, in a perfect world would choose a girl. SO shoot me! I mean, my BFF has a TRILLION girl clothes and items that she would give to me if we adopt a girl. Do you know how much money we would save? And saving money is high on priority list when adopting because, well, it is about as expensive as going to the moon. Good thing I am never dramatic. I would never have to buy an outfit, never have to buy pink bows and all the glittery wonder that will engulf my future sugary sweet girl if we are so lucky. I am in no way saying we would not be lucky adopting a boy, but our wallets may weigh less. Or, he would be a flamer from the start, wearing glitter and pink feathers. I would have no problem with, but I will be fair to him and let him determine if he wants to look like a pink snuffleupagus (yes I had to google how to spell that). Another reason some adoptive parents want to choose gender is to keep their last name going. Fertilizing their family tree! This sounds like a more reasonable reason to most, but to me, I don't mind admitting I wanna save that cash flow! And I wouldn't mind having someone to dress in disco ball like glitter all the time so I didn't feel like such an outcast. Maybe it is best we get a boy. Or move to Jersey.
Waiting in glitter,
Bumpless Baby Mama
Waiting in glitter,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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