And Being the Annoying Adoptive Parent Begins!

I knew I'd be this adoptive parent.  I didn't want to be, but I knew I would.  You read about them.  They are the ones who do the insane research, which is great.  What isn't great is when you are on the other end of them.  The one the social workers talk about at lunch time.  You get everything to them before it is due, and then follow up to make sure they got them.  You scan and email something, and call to make sure they got the documents.  But that isn't the worst part.  The worst part is once the wait starts.  I am going to try my damndest to not be too annoying, but it is hard.  I see how it happens now.  I got an email from our social worker saying since we are officially in the pool, they are now putting our profile up on their birthmother website, which we have access to.  She asked us to sign the release, and we did (2 minutes later) and sent it (3 minutes later).  That was 2 days ago.  I have checked the site 4 times and we are not up yet.  I tried to hold back, I TRIED!  Promised myself I would just look at it in a few days.  OOPS, I checked again today, still not there.  So I emailed her asking if she would mind letting me know when they put our profile up.  So basically, asked her to handle my obsessive behavior for me :)  Now I can finally stop checking!  Because she will send me an email when it is up!  Crap, should I call to make sure she got my email??? ;)

I joke- I joke, but I really do see how the wait can be hell.  And how we will wait for the monthly newsletter to tell us what children were adopted and show us why we weren't picked.  I feel really lucky to have my social worker, she is AMAZING and so responsive and never seems annoyed at any of my questions.  I do wonder where I am on the scale of annoying.  I am quite thorough, I mean this is a LIFE, so yes, I ask many questions and have done extensive research and feel more informed.  I am hoping I am somewhere in the middle of the annoying scale.  I may make up for it by being overly nice and using my high pitch phone voice/ordering food voice/running into someone voice.  Do you have one of those?  It automatically happens when I am on business calls, talking to a waiter or see neighbor Sally at the food market.  YEP, I said food market because it seems to go with the voice I use, like I am in the 1950's with my apron on, being all Pleasantville.  We know my voice is nasal and I mumble,  but not in those situations.  I turn into Pollyanna.  Not because I am fake, it just happens?!  "OH HI Gail, Hope you are having a great week, don't you just LOVE this weather?!  Wondering if I could annoy the shit out of you real quick and make sure you got my documents and let me know when our profile is up and send me a receipt for our book and double check that our baby mama hasn't done any cocaine and wondering what last name the baby gets when they are born and OHH, actually, would you just go ahead bear a child for us? I will make you a treat, thanks!"

"Umm...Hello?"  OK- MAAAAYBE that was a little bit of an exaggeration :)

Trying to contain my questions and rice cripsy giving so they don't put us on the bottom of the list,
Bumpless Baby mama

Organization and DIY for Nursery (and maybe for mama too!)

A bulk of the weekend was spent shopping and house prepping!  We actually had to return the blackout curtains I ordered because SOMEONE (ok fine it was me) didn't take accurately estimate how much extra space we would need on the bottom of the window.  And the curtains were like waffle material which wasn't apparent online!  So we trotted off to Kohl's, returning the IHOP waffle wanna-be panels.  We picked up a nice sage green one for the nursery and unfortunately, the ones we liked for our room, they only had 3 of, and we needed 4, so I had to order online, which always leads to bad things and more purchases. I also ordered curtain rods.  They were 30 bucks each, but were on sale, so that tricked me into thinking they were a good price.  When we later went to Walmart, they were half the price!  So another return will be happening soon at our beloved Kohls!  After our shopping spree, I was energized , while hubs was exhausted!  Strange how that happens ;) 

SO, when we got home, I built this lil beauty!  I decided to put in Dollar Tree bins rather than the fabric bins that people usually put inside, so I could see what is in them (HELLO IN THERE!) and ummm they were one buuuckaroo each!  And cute lil leopard and tiger friends that the hubs got me match quite well!  Love my greens!

After this lil project, I decided it was time to re-purpose some stuff since it was GORGEOUS outside.  No better time to spray paint!  I attacked these dark brown wicker drawers I have had for a year I got for 5 bucks on our online yard sale with some glossy white spray paint.  This is just the first layer, I will update with the finished version later (drawers aren't shown for privacy...they are very shy ;)).  I couldn't just leave myself out of this fun spray painting adventure, so I spruced up my black spice rack with some gold and gold glitter paints to jazz it up into a glorious nail polish rack to go next to my vanity.  Yes, I realize I have too many nail polishes if I need a rack for them, but they make my heart bubble up and I have had some for years.  You CAN fix thick nail polish right up with some acetone! Google that shiz.

 

Hubs and I were trying to figure out which delicious sweet this made us think of.  He was thinking Klondike Bar and I was thinking some sort of cookie.  Whatever it was, we both wanted to eat it, which is weird.  Sidenote, we did not eat it.  I may when I get home, when no one is looking. Maybe adoptive parents crave wood instead of pickles.  How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  Not as much as bumpless baby mama.  I hope you all know I am kidding, cause I have taken this slightly far.  How do you think it would taste dipped in milk?

 Shoulda done a closeup, the beaming gold glitter in this would make your heart leap if you are as girly (gaudy) as I am.  She is gonna hug those nail polishes right on up!

Hubs said he was kind of worried when I said I was going to paint the drawer set white, and sighed relief when it was done.  Little does he know, we are not done yet!  Cause it's like now I have a new love for spray paint.  Excluding the strong fumes and fact when it gets slightly windy I have to spray and run like Forrest Gump across the backyard.  But, I am scared what may now happen to all of our house items and/or house.  Wonder if hubs would mind if our house is one day a nice glittery pink?  I could settle for gold glitter if he isn't down with pink. But clearly pink would be better. Maybe it is best I am adopting, or my child would come out covered in glitter?  All joking aside,  if you have something you want spray painted, send it my way ;)

Waiting in mounds of glitter and fumes,
Bumpless Baby Mama

Oy Vey! This Wait May be a While!

Our agency sends out these lovely newsletters reporting birthparents who have placed and their 'situations' that include, if they have mental health issues, substance abuse, etc.  It is basically statistics of the matches in the agency.   I have explained before that we had to check off all these boxes to let them know what situations we 'accept'.  WELL, I knew our form was conservative, but out of all of the birthmothers that came back this month, only ONE would have matched us if we were in the pool, and the odds of her picking us seem pretty slim since so many people probably matched with her.  Like, technically even people that are open to cocaine addicts would be matched with a non cocaine addict...nawww mean?!  I wish they were just like, "Oh, Peter and Clara, you are open to cocaine use?  We will just go ahead and wait until one comes through, then, so the people that don't accept cocaine can match with the cokeless mothers."  Totally wouldn't be fair, but it would make our journey shorter ;)

I see how people get all freaked and start being more open to certain things they never thought they would be open to.  I mean, if you are getting a newsletter that says, "Hey LOOK at all of these 30 birthmothers that placed this month!!"  and you match to none or just one of them, after months of that you probably start to think CRAP we better open up our options!  A lil meth never hurt anyone!  A lil oxycotton never hurt anyone either!  Oh wait, yes it did.  We have a couple of things we MAY waver on that we discussed (smookin da gaanjga, dr prescribed drugs in certain trimesters, etc.), if we feel we are waiting forever, but never any of the non-prescribed man-made drugs and no major alcohol drinking through pregnancy.  We do have it marked off as acceptable in the first trimester because you know if I didn't know I was preggo I may be doin shots swingin upside down (I JOKE I JOKE, not upside down!).  On the real, lots of these women do not know they are pregs right away so may be sippin on some vino.  If they were like RAGING drinkers during trimester one, the agency WILL call you to ask if you are ok with it. The convo may go a little something like this: "Hi, we have a match here for you, however she was in college and did binge drink on 4 occasions in her first trimester, is that acceptable to you?  "Sure, as long as it was fireball shots, I want a redhead!." OK OK, I will stop.  In all seriousness, it is all completely nerve wracking and we just have to leave it up to the man upstairs.  Not Santa Clause, God.  If we left it up to Santa, we would get an elf.  But that big guy God has been very good to us and I believe we will have our meant to be baby whenever they decide to come into this world!  But I DO see how this can and will be quite an emotional ride for us!  Hands up, eyes shut!!!  I said, CLOSED guys.

It is gonna drive me to drinkin, thinkin about all these people drinkin!
Bumpless Baby Mama

Officially in the Pool, Organizing and Car Test Driving!

Well we are officially in the pool!  Which makes me PANIC and have severe excitement all at the same time!  I guess it is kind of like looking at a stick with a pink plus sign, only you have no idea when you will deliver, minus the delivering :)  You thought I was a crazy nester before?  Watch out!  At one point on Sunday when I was in high drive organize mode, hubs stared at me and said, "It is going to be ok."  It is weird, in my 'organize' or 'cleaning' mode, I am not really feeling anxious as much as intense focus.  Whenever the smiley, wild Bumpless Mama is anything other than smiley, wild Bumpless Mama, people freak out.  This has happened since I was young.  Like, (yep I started a sentence with Like!), we would be in a study group and I would be focused/reading and someone would chime in, "You ok, you seem sad?"  I mean, should I be laughing and doing cartwheels while I read?  Even at work, if I am just having a tired/quiet day, not dancing and singing all around not doing my job, you'd think I had just wept like a baby on the floor, "Everything ok at home?  The adoption overwhelming?"   Nope, actually, I am just human and tired today!  It happens! ;)

I DO get it though, from the outside looking in, when I am in clean/organize mode, one may think I am having a meltdown of anxiety, but it is just extreme focus which results in me hopping around like the energizer bunny, getting stuff done at top speed. My mom has told me she has never seen anyone clean as fast as me, and when I was young, if she saw my room looking like a tornado had hit, she didn't really worry because she knew I could clean it with the snap of my fingers.  I kind of become the tornado....of cleanliness. 

 

Today after work we are going to hit up the Honda Dealership and test drive the CRV.  I considered the Odyssey but I dunno, me and large vehicles may be dangerous to other cars, old woman and mailboxes.  So I may start of small and graduate to a larger SUV or Minivan when I am groooowwn n sexxxaaay.  That being said, anyone who lives nearby, stay off the streets tonight.  Wild Woman is out and about in a car she is not used to!

Don't be afraid, lil bean, I have a great lil carseat for you!

Bumpless Baby Mama

New Car for New Baby?! Saving Money and Donuts Complete Me!

Just when I thought the to do list was shortening, I have added a big one.  NEW CAR.  I currently have a two door car and well, we know that isn't going to be too fun trying to get the child in and out.  And since I can't sit still, once I am not a sleepless zombie I am sure we will be running around town as much as possible, whether it be play dates or visits to Target's dollaaaaa bin ya'lllll! OK, suuuuriously, after being hit by a drunk driver (big ol Cadillac) in my tiny Honda,  one of my first thoughts after I came out of my lovely concussion was "I will forever buy Hondas!"  And I have stuck to that mantra.  They are sturdy lil guys and last forever if you take care of them.  I currently have a Sporty lil 2 door Civic that I love to death and really don't want to get rid of it, but the time has come.  I need 4 doors and 4 wheel drive.  I am thinking the best way is to sell my baby (not the bumpless one, the silver one!), get the money for that since you get more than trade in and put that as down payment.  I am bummed because I love not having a car payment. #firstworldproblems
 

The purse strings are getting tighter and tighter.  Looks like I may have to SELL some of those purse strings!  Between a new car, the adoption cost itself and being a stay at home mama, I am glad I am a coupon hoarder and sale watcher.  Just yesterday I took a look-see at all of our handsoaps from Bath and Body Works and we are set for a good two years ;)  Between coupons and sales, I barely spent a thing on those delicious wonders!  Who doesn't need Carribean Escape and Dancing Rain foamy wonder to sanitize the ol hands?!  And candles?!  Oh ya, we are going to smell amazing for approximately 4.2 years, and if the power goes out, we are good on both light AND heat!  Try us, hurricanes!  OK, that wasn't really a threat, don't try us.  What else have I hoarded up in prep for knowing we will be crunchin numbers in our budget?  OH, I KNOW!  Thanks, dentist for the 20 samples of toothpaste I snagged.  These choppers are gonna shine like a new car through our next 8 visits!  I am a Target clearance watcher and dollar bin stalker, too, so we are set for bins, glue, tape and batteries.  And if you stalk clearances enough, you can find notebooks for 14 cents.  My child will not have a choice of notebook, but we will save.  Sorry, lil gal or man, if the other kids make fun of you walking around with your 'You Complete Me' Donut/Donut hole notebook, you will be the one laughing when you are in Italy for 2 weeks because mama knew how to save cash!  Or if you really hate it, you can cover it up with that dolllla bin masking tape.  Maybe I am donut biased, I think it is the hottnesss!

Mama is going to teach you to love donuts and sales,
Bumpless Baby Mama

Last Step Before Being in the Pool (not the splashy kind)

I thouuught we were done, but I was informed we had to write up a mini profile to put on the website.  You can also post your video there, which we opted out of.  Don't want our personal business floating around the internet (OH WAIT, TOO LATE, BUMPLESS!).  So, once again, I typed up 150 (or less!) words about who the heck we are.  I will say, after doing an entire profile book, scripting a video and now this, if you ask me to sum up our lives in 3-5 minutes I am on it like white on rice!  What does that even mean?  I mean I get it, like rice is white, but of all things to wanna be stuck to?!  Maybe cause rice is sticky?  As a big bad 13 year old I yelled at someone when they used that phrase, thinking it was racist in some manner, didn't know how but I just KNEW it was!  First of all, it was a white guy, second of all, the phrase is clearly referencing rice.  I digress, as always.

It feels so weird selling ourselves, mentioning in our proflies how we, are 'only an hour away from the city', or about how we live in a 'tight 'hood' and have 'tons of love to give!'  When, in reality, most adoptive parents are picked on random things like "She just looked like a mom" or "They had a cat named Shera and my cats name is Shera!", or hopefully in our case, "I love Simon and Garfunkel!"  HEY, you never know! ;)  So, I sent the text of the profile and tonight we will pick out 5 (or less!)  pictures.  Note all (or less!) parts are in parenthesis because I do not know how to do less than what our 'most' option is.  Whoever said less is more clearly hasn't met me.  I talk 'more', I write 'more', I dress in 'more' colors, I eat 'more' donuts, I sing 'more', but damned if I don't love 'more'.  So take the good with the bad, people!!  And Mike is very good at the 'less' part!  He talks 'less', he fights 'less', he speaks 'lowest' and stresses 'less'.  Lucky for me, somehow he got stuck in the loving 'more' category. We are not perfect, but hopefully we will be just the amount of 'more and less' for some birthmother somewhere out there :)

Talking, stressing and eating more than your future chill, quiet Daddy,
Bumpless Baby Mama

#adoption
#adoptionprofile
#adoptionagency
#baby

New Nursery and Guest Room!

So, as mentioned, we created our nursery this weekend!  I am not going to lie, as much as I hated moving big heavy furniture from the guest room and my 'girly' room, I loved redecorating!  Lucky for me, I tend to stick to neutral colors in my home's color palette (minus the peacock lounge.  YES, you heard me, we have a peacock lounge).  This attraction to beiges and greens works wonders when switching around rooms and decor!  I willlll say the guest room is a tad bit on the girly side, since I am going to keep my vanity and gold accented chotchkies  (Thanks, Pop Pop for giving me a name for all my lil candles and decorations that sprinkle my shelves!).  But overall, it is a sweet guestroom, with drawers and a nice desk for visitors to sit at if need be!  OK, just don't mind the perfumes displayed on the crystal and gold cupcake stand. Good timing, too, because my cousin is coming to visit before he goes on his 7 month hiatus around the US and my papa bear is staying with us for two weeks in April!  Hubs said Dad may like it so much he moves in...then I pointed to all my frilly decor and he took it back. 

The nursery is looking pretty chic!  I got a great deal on a 20 buck dresser that looks fantastic, and am going to change out the knobs because, that is what creative people do, right?!  Nothing can be cookie cutter, God forbid!  As if I don't have enough stress and things to check off, I add changing perfectly good knobs out on the to do list :)  I had this fun pillow I got off of Etsy that was a light green with gold polka dots on it and it just didn't fit in with the guest room, but BOOM, put it onto the glider my sweet friend passed along and it jazzed that nursery up even more.  I have a bucket load of baskets around the house, because gathering like objects in one cozy basket is the thing to do, juts ask Pinterest!  So I switched some out to chocolate brown baskets to keep the color palette lookin fly.  Added some re-purposed green chotchkies again and it is all coming together!  My mom says she is buying us a white crib she saw, so when that arrives we will be pretty much done as far as furniture goes!  Next stop, blackout curtains!  I will be needing some of THOSE myself!

Fearing the sleepless nights, dreaming of the memories made,
Bumpless Baby Mama


#baby
#adoption
#nursery

Adoption Profile Video Madness!

Working for years in front of the camera, I was suprised at how nervous I was to do this profile video!  I guess it is because it is letting someone into your personal life, and also trying to 'sell yourself' as a future parent.  That being said, hubs and I studied our nerdy bullet points (surprised I didn't take out color coded flashcards!) over and over Saturday and Sunday in between moving furniture (nursery is almost done!).  Being sleep deprived the last week, my spaghetti brain was leaking and it was basically like watching a bloopers tape as we sat and practiced.  We finally decided we would make up a cue card with the bullet points to guide us.  Yes, that, my friends, was color coded.

We got to the 'studio' and WOW!  For 400 bucks it was interesting.  We walked into a somewhat shoddy house that was quite messy and I immediately felt my allergy medicine working double time as the cat and dog jumped up on us as we tried to sit on the couch that had a makeshift plywood foundation for the seat.  He did not even have video lights set up?!  Just a floor lamp and table lamp tilted our way.  Were we going to get murdered?  Was this all a set up?  Lucky for us, it was not a murder scene, just a quirky videographer, who was pretty nice, despite his tangents about global warming, and dropped the F bomb a few times, so we know he had my heart.  We definitely got jipped by our agency (apparently he only sees half of the fee), which makes me a little nervous, but what can we really do at this point?  We shot take 1, and it was pretty good, but we felt we could do better.  After take 2, he said my hubs needed to talk more in the video.  I squealed, "I told him to!  He is shy!"  Hubs jumped in, "She is way better at this stuff than me."  Hubs lost the battle and I gave him a few of my lines.  I kept the funny ones ;)  Always so greedy.  Take 3 went off without a hitch.  Other than the lighting making us look like we were telling ghost stories at a camp in 8th grade.

I went off script at one point and said, "We also love to create music together...I sing, he plays guitar.  We think we are Simon and Garfunkel, but, well...I am a girl."  Unfortunately or fortunately, that made it to the final cut he sent us last night.  Not sure how many people want Simon and Garfunkel to raise their child, but we will find out.  and after we will be put into the pool later this week!  Anxiety crawls all over my body like a millionlegger.  That is disgusting. I take it back.  Sometimes descriptive words are too descriptive.  Great, now I am going to have nightmares.

Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know.
Bumpless Baby Mama





#adoptionprofile
#adoptionprofilevide
#adoption
#adoptiveparents

The Body Speaks Louder Than Words! Spaghetti Brain Alert!

My body always louder than words to me.  I often am mentally strong when 'big events' happen, but my body will react.  I broke up with a boyfriend about 5 or so years ago, pretty hard one since we had talked marriage, etc., and I dealt with it ok.  I gave myself a time limit of 20 minutes to cry about it (yes I am nutty) and said then I had to pick up and move on.  And I did move on, but my body didn't.  The next day at breakfast, I had oatmeal and could barely swallow it.  I could feel it stuck in my chest and had no idea what as going on.  At lunch I got a sandwich and the pain of it going down was so bad I went to our doc in a box (our company had one on site!).  She took my pulse and said it was racing...she told me to take 4 deep breaths and then she took it again and it was significantly lower.  She said I was one of those people that their body is incredibly in sync with my emotion.  She looked at me and said, "What is going on in your life?"  I was like, "I had a breakup but I'm fine."  She told me I was not fine and this was my body telling me I was not fine.  She said, "Now go home and let it out.  Cry.  Hard.  And do some Yoga."  Hey, beats having to take chill pills!  And she was right.  It went away.  It was stress holding onto whatever it could in my body, this time it was my esophagus.  I have noticed, since then, my body definitely reacts to stress more than I do! 

How is this relevant, you ask?!  We enter the adoption pool next week and I haven't gotten to bed since after 2am twice this week and the other nights I have had nightmares about itchy skin (no it isn't because I have scabies) and woken up every night during the night, which is rare, I am a DEEP sleeper! And I have noticed my teeth clenching and the obvious reaction, spaghetti brain!  I view my brain as a big bowl of spaghetti and when I react to stress, the spaghettis get all twisted up and I can't think straight.  I get overwhelmed.  I am sure this is quite common.  I can't be the only one with swinging noodles of information getting all swirled around in there, just dying for someone to come
 along and straighten them all out!

I have only found a couple of things that help my spaghetti brain.  Writing everything down (planning, timelines, prioritizing to do list) and watching Parenthood while drinking wine.  Can I get an amen?!  That stationary bike that sits over in the corner of my living room so I will see it and use it more has been quite lonely this week.  I don't even look at her, worried if we make eye/handlebar contact, I will feel guilty, and I don't have time to feel guilty right now.  I mean I gave up Coke for Lent, what else do you want from me!  In between Parenthood-ing, catching up with a few friends and passing by the bike with a nice glass of pinot in my hand, I have been nesting.  Due to my planner nature, I have drawn out blueprints of the big switch of the guest room/girly room and nursery.  I think I finally have it all GPSd out and we are gonna move everything around tomorrow!  Something fun to look forward to.  For me, probably not the hubs.  Maybe I will just call him in to move furniture, nobody should have to experience me on my OCD organizing kicks.  I love to decorate/organize...and it will give me some control now that we are entering the trimester of total lack of control! 

I'm sorry, I'd write more, but it is hard to see with all of the noodles in the way,
Bumpless Baby Mama

The Three Trimesters of Adoption (with an agency)

We may not get to watch our lil bean grow into a watermelon, or get swollen feet or bellies to flash to the world that we are expecting, but many people DO talk about adoption in trimesters.  According to our agency's version of it, we are now in our third trimester.  Let's take it from the TOP!  Break down the trimesters for us that have heart bumps and not baby bumps!

First trimester:  This is the trimester that may make you the most nauseous just like in a real pregnancy!  Saddle up and hand over the waste basket!

1.) Research!  I can not tell you enough how much this will effect your future of adoption.  Research the crap out of the process, international vs domestic, laws, state by state adoption, etc.  basically ANYthing there is to know, read extensively about it.  I think I did a pretty good job on this part, but of course wish I had known some things sooner.  We have this lovely world wide web to our benefit, USE IT, and use it A LOT.  Make a big color coded insane spreadsheet like we did, and sweat over it, huff and puff about how much information there is out there, go so insane that people ask you why you are so frazzled, you just learning about it, that is when you know you are researching enough.

2.) Pick an agency!  This can be just for the Home Study or a One Stop Shop Agency that goes from A-Z.  We started with one agency that had great reviews, and learned we didn't love them for placement, so switched to another.  Some stuff you HAVE to learn as you go, but start out with a homestudy agency that has good reviews (ask for references!!)

3.) Apply/be accepted/start paperwork hell!  All the buzz about how insane Home Studies are is true.  It is a lot of tedious paperwork, your eyeballs turn a nice shade of scarlet, you will dig up old dust covered documents, make lengthy personal budgets and prove basically everything from financial stability to mental stability.  Say tata to privacy.  The agency will know every cent you have, and how you spend it, go through your medical records, and damnit...I even had to get shots and blood taken!  And of course they will not leave out your fingerprints.  The windows to your law abiding ability.  They will come stalk your house to make sure you are not a meth house and that you have a home ready for a baby.  For us, this included even LOCKING UP all our cleaners, baby proofing the cabinets, etc. You will possibly scream that you can not do this anymore...but you can!  There is a beautiful baby waiting for you at the end of this journey.  But you can do like we did and take all those cabinet locks when they leave.  I mean the baby isn't even close at this point!  Don't tell them I said that.

Second Trimester:  This takes less time than trimester 1, but still can take a while depending what avenue you take.
1.) At this point you have submitted all of your paperwork glory and either stay with your home study agency if they are a one stop shop or settle on a placement agency.  Hopefully you have been researching agencies during trimester 1 if that is your choice.

2.) Now you have to create your profile book that the birthmother will view.  You can handle this by either making it yourself or there are people and companies that make them for you.  I decided that I was creative enough to make it pleasing to the eye without spending 500 fat ones.  I used MyMemories.com ( digital scrapbook) and downloaded their software for around 30 bucks I think?  Then I only bought the 'free' backgrounds, embellishments, etc.  I will warn you.   This was quite tedious.  I am OCD with colors and such, so maybe I made it more tedious on myself.  Some people use more simple ways, or templates, or like I said, say "Screw this, we will pay someone else to do it."  I did love the software though, it had some really nice stuff and I think it turned out great for only having to pay for the software, paper and I printed it at my work.  That is another note...if you want it sturdy like we did (card stock), be prepared to spend a lot if you have to make more than a few books.  If you are only doing one it isn't a big deal.  We had to do 15, it adds up, which is why I kissed up to my boss and he let me do it from there!  #kissass #itworks

3.) Video time!  If your agency requires it like ours does... you will get some questions to answer and must put a video together to showcase all that pizazz you have that isn't quite clear in a book.  So get that haircut, vaseline those teeth (ok ok you can skip this), and act natural!  We have to use a specific company, but if you don't, have a friend or family member shoot, which will help with the 'natural' aspect of it.  Once you are finished with this, submit and we are into the last trimester!

Third Trimester:  The now-it-is-out-of-your-freakin-control trimester!
1.)  WAIT!  This should be just greeeeeeeat if you are a crazy planner like me (note sarcasm)!  You are waiting, and waiting and waiting.  You will get calls saying someone has picked you, you will celebrate, you will jump up and down!  They may change their  mind.  You will stop jumping up and down, and probably cry.  We are just starting this, but from what I have read, this is a very emotional trimester.  You Must prepare yourself to go on an emotional roller coaster.  You should go into it knowing birthmothers DO sometimes change their minds.  And that will be hard.  Some don't, and I pray for myself and you that you are in a situation that goes as smoothly as it can.  In other cases, you may get an 'emergency' call where the birthmother has had a child and that's it...pack the hell up and head on over (in our case can be to a different state), making sure to have the necessities for a newborn!  Then, what I think will be the hardest part of the trimester is once the birthmother/father has signed the papers, they usually have a bit of time to change their mind, depending on state.  There is no way to prepare for this part.  It will be a nerve wracking time.  I imagine we will be begging for time to fly so we reach whatever timeline that is (14, 30 days), yet at the same time trying to bond and savor our time with our newborn.  I will obviously talk more about this trimester once I have been down the path. But I do imagine it will be an intense time period.  So if I act a fool (those of you who personally know me), I apologize ahead of time.  I am already feeling overwhelmed with knowing I will be becoming a new mom, and this all on top of it is sure to make my brain swirl up like spaghetti. 

2.)  You are matched!  If this is the case, you can start planning more than when you don't know the gender.  That being said, keep in mind things CAN change, so I honestly wouldn't go out buying pink tutus or blue bedding just yet!  Everyone is different, but that's my opinion!  If your agency does NOT do emergency placements, you can start getting baby stuff/nesting once you are matched.  If they do, like ours does, we already started nesting, but you can wait until you are actually in the pool, and then NEST IT UP, because you have no idea, that baby could come tomorrow!  Have a bag ready to go in case you get a call...I will write a list of what to bring in another post! 

3.)  Once the baby is born, there are different things that can happen.  Depending on your agency, they may take the baby into foster care during the legal risk period (when BM can change mind).  Lots of people prefer this so they don't get attached just in case.  We decided to go with an agency that does NOT do foster care, risking that we could get attached, but also feeling like if the match goes through, we have been with our child since day 1.  If you are out of state, there are ICPC rules/laws, so you have to wait a certain period of time until you can leave the state with your child.  Find friends or family that live there or do it on up in a hotel!  Though that does sound insane, they say it is a nice bonding experience, no visitors, just you three for x amount of time.  Not gonna lie, seems weird being in another state in a hotel for the first 10 days of our baby's life, but I am sure we will be ok if it comes to that!  Once you are cleared to go home if you are out of state, you go home with your baby!  Keep in mind, if you are sent home after 10 days but the legal risk period is 30 days, there is a SLIGHT possibility birthmother can change her mind again.  This is rare, but can happen.  Once all papers are signed by BM and BF you are basically home free!

4.)  You will have social workers visit during the next 6 months, checking to make sure all is graaaaaaavy.  Around 6 months you will get the rights to your child, and they will officially be yours!  If you have an open adoption, you will start sending pictures and letters, and go from there!  And it will all be worth it :)  Good luck!!!

I may not have a 3rd trimester belly, but I am sleeping as if I do!
Bumpless Baby Mama

Profile Book Printed, Time for the Big Screen!!

What a relief!!!  We printed our 15 profile books at my work thanks to my awesome boss!  Saving us 300 whoppers less than if we had printed at Kinkos!  Speaking of saving, on our way to print them last night, we stopped at my friend's house to get 2 FREE floor lamps she was getting rid of!  One white for the #nursery and a SUPER gawwgeous gold and crystal one that clearly needs to hibernate in my 'girly' room/guest room.  Such sweet peeps in our lives <3  Anyyyway, we grabbed a couple subs and headed to the ol printer.  Trick was, the pages of the profile books have to be double sided, but our printer will not do double sided on card stock (I tried to just see it for myself and YEP blotchy foreheads and smeared feet!).  So it did take about an hour to print everything.  We basically printed 15 copies of page 1, flipped em and did page 2 on other side, etc., to the 9th page (RIP "Our Wedding Day" page!  You woulda made a great 10th!).  They turned out just as well, if not BETTER quality than Kinko's once we upped the DPI.  When we were done, we did a serious high five like major nerds, but WHATEVER, the joy of the book being almost complete felt like Christmas!  HO-HO freakin HO!  We went home, and put each page into a sheet protector (you can put each book in one, but my OCD needed every sheet covered separately), piled em up and now we just ship them out! Then just ONE more step!  Our life in 3 minutes on a video.

I set up our video appointment for THIS weekend (sooner than I thought they could do it), where we will embarrass ourselves via HD recorded glory! We are given a list of questions to answer, from talking about our occupations to how we met, basically mimicking our #adoptionprofilebook.  These are used for birthmothers who are down to a couple of profile books and can not decide which couple/parent to pick.  But if the pic of hubs and I on a fake lion at the safari didn't pull them in, I doubt a 3 minute video of me doing jazz hands (I mean talking about our lives) will.  I don't get nervous often, we know I am not shy, but for some reason I am nervous about this.  I am nervous about a.) not coming off as natural as we want, I have watched others' and let's just say...awwwwwkward!!! ... 2, I MEAN B.) Looking heinous on camera and c.) breaking out into dance as previously mentioned.  Sometimes, when I don't know what to say, it is just what I do.  So, hubs must head to the hair cuttery, I must make tend to any blemishes (HEY there is no photoshop in video!), and I will picture the video guy naked when I speak.  OH wait, that technique may not work, here.  Who made that idea up anyway?! 

Dancing all the way to the post office, not picturing anyone naked, one step closer to you-
Bumpless Baby mama

Completed Adoption Profile Book!

FINALLY!  The #adoptionprofilebook is complete!  This took quite some time, but I think it turned out pretty gawwwwwgeous!  Minus our 'wedding page' as you may have read :)  I will say this week has been an emotional one for me.  I am not good at change, and I think now that the book is done it is really hitting me what a change is going to come.  Don't get me wrong, I am SO excited and looking forward to baby vomit and changing diapers, and being peed on, but I often get emotional before big changes, probably more than most.  It will always come out in other ways though.  Like when my dad was fightin' the canca, I would cry at the most RANDOM non-emotional things, never at what was actually going on.  And this morning I sat at my desk and cried over something that definitely is NOT cryable!  Like a pregnant woman, but I have no bump in my belly to excuse it.  I just have one in my heart and maybe it is as good as an excuse.  Luckily, I was the only one in the vicinity at the time, nobody needs to see my 'ugly cry face' and mascara running down my cheeks.  It felt damn good, though, I have not had a good cry in a long time.  Besides during my "Parenthood" marathons, but that is different. Weeping at your own life really gets that shiz off your chest.  It's like a cigarette for your soul.

The other night we brought the book to get printed at Kinko's.  We had one printed the other day and it was only 3 bucks.  So doing the math for 15 books it would be under 100 bucks, great!  WELL, not so great when he said it was going to be over 200 bucks.  I was like, "But our one book was 3 bucks!  She did it in the back, too!" he said, "Who is SHE? OH She.  She is NEW.  You were not charged correctly, then."  He was actually quite rude the whole convo, so I was like we are ouuuuuuta here!  flash drive in my sweaty, frustrated hand (can hands be frustrated?), we went to Staples to get paper and went home to try and print it ourselves.  As anticipated, it looked like...it was printed on a home printer.  It just didn't have the same quality, though it wasn't as bad as I imagined.  This is something we need to stand out and be all FABULLLLOUUUS because this is the first thing the birth parents see.  This can make or break you being 'chosen'.  I am going to try to print it at work on our laser printer and see how it comes out, and if it doesn't...back to Snotty Staples, in hopes 'She' is working instead of 'he'. 

I guess what is another 200 dollars at this point?  It is like a pinky toe compared to the upper torso we will be giving.  That was a gross analogy, sorry about that.  I'm gonna go vomit now.  Sure, make it worse, Bumpless.

Waiting for you with smeared mascara and "frustrated hands",
Bumpless Baby Mama

Nobody Wants to See You in Your Pretty Wedding Dress In Your Adoption Profile Book!!

Wellllll gaaaahhhreat!  We got the feedback on our #profilebook!  Our social worker said it was GREAT and they all loved it!  Then there was a pause.  HERE IT COMES!  "But your wedding page.  We recommend not having #wedding pictures in the book."  First of all, I swore it was in their paperwork as an example of what to put in.  I have to check later, but I really do think so.  I told her this, she said she would check, too.  That being said, I get it and don't get it.  She said, "A lot of these birthmothers can not afford wedding dresses and weddings, so it is hard for them to see."  I get that, that is hard.  But at the same time they tell you to basically flaunt your house and neighborhood if it is "nice", talk about all of your travel, and highlight all of the 100000001 things that you love about each other?  Aren't these all things that they may not have either (statistically yes), but want for the parents of their children?  Our wedding day was not about my freaking dress, it was about being with those we loved and making a lifelong commitment.  And that is what those pictures show!  Our families dancing and having fun together!  Don't many of these people want devoted couples and a wonderful family for their child to grow up in? 

I am PMSing so I will have to readdress this when my mini menopause is over.  I feel annoyed!  And the fact she said maybe just take the pictures out and put the wording in other parts of the book.  The wording is about OUR WEDDING DAY, how do I put that in other parts of the book?  She is like the wording is great, but we don't suggest wedding pictures.  Sorry, it was a wedding.  Should I just have a page that talks about our wedding and have pictures of us skiing?  I hate skiing, so no, but you get my drift.  Get it, drift?

Vera Wang Dress, you should be ashamed of yourself for trying to take the spotlight in our book!
Waiting in a potato sack,
 Bumpless Baby Mama

Domestic State by State Adoption Laws and Things to Consider

Well hello!  I have come out of the snow to bring you some information I hope you find useful. I wish I had gathered this earlier on !  Probably only useful to those #adopting, but HEY, maybe you just like to learn :)  In adoption, after the child is born, there are a few things to consider (besides which of your arms to sell to afford it!) when choosing an agency or a state in which you will be adopting the child from.  We are dealing with 6 states, so our laws are going to vary depending on where we end up finding our future bean!  Different states have different laws for the following: (detailed Adoption state law document linked at bottom of this post.  This is the most updated document I found, do not take this document as fact, as some state laws may have changed, but it is a good starting place to give an idea of how many variables there are from state to state.)

ConsentPeriod- not sure if this really has a name, but this is the time given, depending on state, that the birthmother has to sign the papers.  I imagine this is the most emotional time for everyone.  Imagine being the birthmother/birthfather, sitting with the pen, making this selfless decision to do what is best for her/their child, and on our side, being prepared to take a child home and possibly going home empty handed because the birth other has changed her mind.  In some states they CAN NOT sign until 48-72 hours, others they can sign right away, but are given a time limit, which leads us to...

Revocation Period - period of time that varies from state to state after child is born that the birth parent (s) can change their mind. Depending on state the birthparents may have 10, 15, 30 days to change their mind.  From what I have read this is somewhat rare, but can happen.  This is most domestic adoption adoptive parents' biggest fear.  I will add there are extremely rare cases where a birthparent comes back after the revocation period to fight back for their child and it goes to court.  From what I have read, the adoptive parents usually win, but I will do a post on this as I find more information/facts.  There is a possibility you can take a child home (for up to 30 days in some states) and have to return them after getting attached, etc.  So, some agencies have what is called 'cradle care' for those who do not want to take the child home until the revocation period is over, or if they feel a bithtparent is wishy washy about their decision.   We struggled with this, as there are perks to both taking the child home right away and choosing cradle care.    That can be a later post, too.

What birthparent expenses can be paid- These are costs covered by someone besides the birthparents. This can vary from medical and legal, to rent, to everything, including donuts and maternity wear for the birthmama!  There have been known scammers, that get pregnant knowing they are going to have the baby but submit themselves to an agency or adoptive parents, then get the care they need, then 'change their mind'.  I assume there is not always proof that they have done this, but it is punishable by law.  I would totally take my donut back.  Luckily these cases are quite rare.

Can Adopters Advertise for birth parents?   Pretty straight forward, but in some states it is ok to advertise yourself to find a birth parent, whereas in others you may have to go through an attorney or agency/facilitator.  In our case, we have created our lovely pink and green adoption profile book that the birthparents will view through the agency.  Advertising yourself definitely feels weird, but also makes you like "WOW we are kinda cool."  Especially the hubs strummin on those guitar strings with that cool rockstar face!  I mean who wouldn't want HIM as their child's dad!

Can Out of State residents finalize an adoption?  This varies a lot, again.  In some states, yes, some no, and some grey areas (Yes, but only through an agency; Yes, if child is a resident of state, or Only with a 'hard to place' child). I don't know as much about this as other topics because my brain can only hold so much information.  Where was I?

The ICPC is a contract between states authorizing them to work together to make sure that children being adopted (or put into foster care) across state lines get the protection they need.  This will determine how long the adoptive parents and child stay in another state (if you go outside your own state) after the child is born.  This means most of us interstate adopting peeps will be spending our first days with our newborn in a hotel (unless you do cradle care).  The average time is 7-10 days.  Stick that fun feather in your hat. 

Putative Father Registry is a state level option for unmarried males to document through a notary public any woman they have had intercourse with to make sure they have rights related to any future child that that/those women may give birth to.  They are basically not guaranteed any rights other than being notified and of course the right to testify in court what they think is best for the child.  This is something that can hold up the adoption process, because if a birth father comes forward, they have up to 30 days to be notified and can claim their rights which can lead to court appearances, etc.  If the father is known/signs paper this is a moot point.  From my latest research, there are 17 states that DO NOT have putative father registries (Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Mississippi, Nevada, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Washington, West Virginia & American Samoa, District of Columbia, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands).
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is the link to the most recent state law document I know of.  Again, contact your state or states you are interested in adopting for exact updated information.  This is merely a reference.

http://www.theadoptionguide.com/files/StateAdoptionLaws.pdf

Wondering why we picked an out of state agency as my eyes bleed,  what state will lil bean come from?!
Bumpless Baby Mama









#adoptionConsentPeriod
#adoptionrevocationperiod
#birthmotherexpenses
#adoptionadvertising
#outofstateadoption
#ICPC
#adoptionICPC
#PutativeFatherRegistry
#domesticadoption
#stateadoptionlaws

Registering for Unknown Gender Baby Shower Hits and Misses!

So my bff asked me to start registering for #babyshower stuffs.  I have talked about the whole shower-before-match thing in a past post if you haven't read my viewpoint on it.  Anyway, I am on the #Target website and  it makes me sad for these reasons:

1.  They have some really cute #genderspecific stuff.  I mean yes , it'd be fun to register for precious pink polka dot sheets or a blue elephant lamp!  I am teetering on both genders with a lovely sage green (which IS my fav color, so it's ok, I will be ok!) and brown.  I hate yellow.  With a passion.
2.  I repeat, I hate yellow.  And basically everything neutral gendered is yellow.  It does not bring me sunshine happy feelings like it should, just makes me wanna vomit.
3.  They have NO #neutral socks on Target's website.  I mean what about us neutral folks!?  My baby wants warm feet, too!  So I settled for a 6 pack of giraffe socks, that come as close to neutral as they can.  But they are all giraffes.  I have a feeling we will all get sick of those long necked tree eaters!
4.  My favorite hamper is not available anymore.  Why put it on the website if you don't have it?  Sheer torture!
5.  My favorite infant snug ride #carseat did not have a matching stroller.  This seems like a lame weep-causing fact, but if you had my matching OCD craziness you'd get it.

Reasons their website made me happy!
1. I don't have to buy nipple cream or a breast pump!  I know a lot of women get excited and paying for boob related products is totally worth it, but I have never and will never have that longing for a lil bean to latch on for the hunger ride.  Here is your #bottle, kiddo, enjoy!
2.  It is majorly fun creating a #nursery in my creative lil breain.  I love to #decorate, and since we are on a tighter budget these days, I haven't been able to change things around as much (#ADD meets #OCD).  So this 'must have' change has filled that redecorating void!  OH the fun of picturing it all in my head and buying fun #organizational baskets and registering for that adoooorbs monkey changing pad cover!  Sheer joy.
3.  It is fun not having to register for/buy everything because I have the bestest friends ever who have donated their old items to our future bean.  We sure have good people in our lives.
4.  Target has a baby checklist which makes this process easier, cause lord knows I had no idea how many swaddles and fitted sheets we will need.  Guess those # babies are messy ;)
5.  I see things I can buy after we officially 'have' our baby that are gender specific and SOO CUUUUTE!  Can't wait to sprinkle some pink or blue on top of that green!

Clicking on sage green items, wondering where and who you are,
Bumpless Baby Mama

The Curveball Has Been Thrown!

The never ending #adoptionprofile book has...well...not ended!  My bestie looked over it this weekend and loved it!  This was huge for me because I value her opinion so much, and she tells it like it is so I KNOW her feelings are true.  Getting her stamp of approval has always given me a big ol smile.  That is what BFF's are for right?!  She is the logical side opposite my emotional side as we grew up together since we were 10!  She combed through it, we are giving it to the hubs bestie to eagle eye and maybe some others if we have time.  It kind of reminds me of trying on a wedding dress.  If you have too many people with you, there are too many opinions and it gets overwhelming, so sticking to 2 or 3 seems like a good plan for us!  Which brings me to the curveball.  Expect the unexpected they say!

I want to preface this with this disclaimer for our friends and family who read this blog :)
Please do not ask details.  I am posting this merely as an update, but please respect our privacy as far as details go.  This blog is used as an account of our journey for us to look back on and to help others in the situation and for people to get a better understanding about adoption and things that can happen.  The odds of this particular 'match' working are very slim and we do not even know the people, so as much as we all want to get excited and of course it would be neat if it worked out, we do not want to get ahead of ourselves, as there are MANY variables in the adoption process.  Many thing that we would not 'match' on, distance, the amount of openness both of us want, etc.  Thanks for your understanding! 

For privacy reasons, I am going to be VERY vague.  But a distant person that by chance was 'brought to us' through someone else, is placing their child up for adoption upon delivery.  It is said they are 100% set on it.  We do not know this person from a can of paint, really, but is this meant to be?  The timing is right considering we have not given our first BIG chunk of change to our agency yet.  That goes alongside our profile book when we turn that in.  I am not getting my hopes up at all because:
1.  We don't know them from a can of paint. (LOVE that saying, just heard it recently!)
2.  Birthmother could obviously change her mind at any time.
3.  We do not know if we are even a 'match' as far as all of those checkboxes you ink in at an agency.  This is a huge question mark.
4.  We would have to go through just an attorney...which is cheaper, but risky and no handholding like at the agency.  If the BM changes her mind, we do not get put back into a pool like with an agency, and most likely lose some cash.  Is that worth saving the insane amount of money you pay an agency and losing a few months of your timeline?  Perhaps.

SO...we have begun talking to this woman just to see if it is even a possibility.  I feel awful jabbing questions at her, but we need answers because we were planning on putting our book in next week, and if this may happen we will have to put a hold on it!  So I feel a tense timeline.  I try to fluff it up and show an empathetic heart in between the interrogations, "Why are you placing?" "When are you due?"  "What is the gender?"  "Did you smoke a doooobie while you were prego?"  "How open of an adoption are you looking for?" You can imagine the weirdness that comes along with having to be the one to ask the questions, rather than the agency being the middle man.  And I feel bad for her, going through all of this and having to play 20 questions.  Feels weird and icky, but God will guide us through it and has a plan.

I was going to keep this private, but this is an honest blog and knowing things can go topsy turvy right when you think you have a plan is important to know.  We are still somewhat in control, and is it a coincidence this comes right before we put in our book and are officially 'in' ?  Time will tell.  Let the emotional roller coaster they call adoption, begin!

Your Nervous Wreck of a Mother, eating Soy Ice Cream, is waiting for you however you come to us!
Bumpless Baby Mama

Things People Think They Will Never Do In Adoption: Open Adoption

There are a ton of thing in life in general that we never think will happen to us, or things we will never 'do' and we end up doing them.  Like dating that guy who had jail tatooed in his mouth. In the adoption world it seems quite common that "never" turns into reality.  Here is one of the choices #adoptiveparents say they will never do but end up doing.  I will add more as I experience them :)

Having an open adoption: a very common one!  I am guilty of this one myself!  When entering into the adoption world, I was hell bent against #openadoption (where the child and adoptive parents are in touch with the birthmother/parents).  I didn't even realize how common it was, but did not get it at all.  Wouldn't that confuse the child?!?  What if my child ends up wishing they still lived with their #birthmother and down the road they use it against me?  Though I threatened to run away to my dads as a teenager, guess it isn't too different ;)  What if the birth mother changes her mind and breaks into our house and kidnaps the child at 3 am, ski mask on and my child's face becomes placed on milk cartons around the US and next thing you know I am writing a weepy novel!  These extreme thoughts did not seem that extreme to me before we were educated by our agency classes.  We read a pile of books and articles on benefits of open adoption, risks of open adoption, history of open adoption, how open is open adoption, are you open to open?  Then open your heart to open!  There is tons of research backing up the fact that it is really good for everyone, especially the child, to have at least #semi-openadoption, which is what we are doing.  This is where you send pictures and letters and maybe have a visit with the birthmother a year.  We chose to start with that.  Having an open adoption gives the child answers to their questions, closure and who doesn't want another person in their life to shower them with love, hugs and pride?! Lord knows I will take all of that I can get!  I have 2 ex step-moms and let them continue to love the hell outta me though they are long gone from our family unit! SURE, there are risks with open adoption, especially with more frequent contact, but overall research proves open adoption to be more beneficial than risky. Kind of like falling in love.  Even if that crap goes sour you get something out of it!

Now, some people choose to have open adoption like hhhhaard core open adoption, as in monthly dinners at Aunt Tilda's, pictures with Mickey Mouse and birthmom?! at Disney , Birthmom stockings hung by the chimney with care on Christmas, and watch as birthmama helps blow out your 6th bday candles!  To me, I would not feel comfortable or like that was necessary, but more power to the people who want that relationship.  People describe some birth mothers as their extended family.  Which makes sense since, technically you are related, your lil bean came straight outta their...umm...love bucket!  But as far as what the hubs and I are comfy with, I do not plan on that ever happening (maybe another never say never post??).  That being said, it isn't always our choice anyway.  Sometimes birthmothers are more present in the beginning, especially in the first year for all of the milestones, watchin lil bean's first spit ups and waddles, and through the healing/letting go process.  Often times then then drift away because a) it is too hard on them to stay in the child's life, even if it is a small amount or b) they 'move on' with their own life, maybe they get married and have children when they are more capable of caring for a child or 3) other reasons I do not know yet.  That is a risk you take with open adoption, because yes, that may be strange/hard on the child for the birthmother to disappear.  This tends to happen in the earlier years when the child isn't that aware.  So you have to weigh for yourself which is more important to you as far as the pros and cons of open adoption.  There are TONS of articles and research online discussing this subject.  So, if you are adopting, go grab yourself a huge bowl of ice cream, maybe some relaxing wine and type Open Adoption into your lil google page.  Good luck out there!  You may fall in!

I got plenty of moms, what is a visit with one more!?  Me and all your stepgrandmoms are waiting, lil bean,
Bumpless Baby mama

Adoption Support Group Is Just That, Weeping Willow, and You Can Take the Girl Out Of New York!

Well, it happened.  I guess #AdpotionSUPPORTgroup, does in fact, just mean that.  Support.  Everything I hoped it was not, it was.  Definitely glowing fluorescent lights hitting us in all the wrong places.  Definitely people crying.  MULTIPLE people crying!  I am not saying I never cry in life, don't get me wrong.  But it made me feel awkward.  I don't cry with strangers.  Except that homeless man on U st., but that's another blog.  And a lie.  I didn't cry with a homeless man on U st, but I did hug him and gave him all my money circa 2008.  See, I don't have a black hole where my heart is supposed to be.  So back at it...we basically went around talking about our 'story'.  Mine was short and sweet.  And happy.  One of the others' was short and sweet and twice as happy, as she has 2 adopted Heartbeans already!  We would have both passed the timer test (see yesterday's post).  The others failed the timer tests 50 times over.  I get it, they needed it.  They weren't talking about infertility/hard stuff per say, just more about anything and everything related to adoption, but somehow filled with tears of emotion, good and bad.  Again, it was a support group.  I have never been to one so I did not realize the severity of emotion exuding from the participants.  I watched the clock like I was in 10th grade science class, and two hours later I bolted out the door as they all chatted outside of the library.  I literally jogged across the street into my safe haven and blasted happy tunes on the ride home.  Hubs asked about the group, and after relaying my thoughts, I told him a comment I made and asked if it was bad and he responded a quick, "Yes, pretty bad."

What comment you ask?  Well, there was one gal, let's call her Weeping Willow, who took the stage for I'd say 1.25 hrs, was crying a good amount.  I AM NOT JUDGING.  Lots of people cry over all sorts of things.  I get it.  So she was relaying an international adoption story (not hers) about a child who came down to the lobby of the building and didn't want to leave with the adoptive parents, and they stood there with their blanket for a half an hour.  Then the adoptive parents took out some gold fish crackers and she came over.  While she told the story, tears were streaming down her face.  I felt awkward and out of my mouth came my sarcasm that never knows its place, "Ya, those gold fish always get me, too."  Everyone looked over at me with blank stares.  I continued on and pointed to my heart, "Yep, gold fish get me right here.  Love those little guys."  My friend in the group started laughing, knowing my humor, and others, well...didn't seem amused and let out forced  half laughs and continued to listen to the weeping woman in seat 1.  I meant it as the gold fish lure me in as well (obviously a joke)...but it could have been taken as stop crying over freakin gold fish, too.  And clearly it was not an appropriate time to make a joke.  But that is how I deal with life, I laugh, I make the best of things and try to see the silver lining.  Does it make me a bad person? No.  Does it make me inappropriate?  Sometimes.  I think I will sit this group out and leave it to those who need to vent/cry it out.  Who is to say I never will!  They say never say never in adoption!  Or anywhere, but in the adoption world there are a whole bunch of 'I would never do that.'  I will actually do a separate posts on all of the "I will nevers!" that I have heard...become realities :)

After the leader posted a follow up message I said I will likely be breaking off into a different group that is more of a social/going out group.  Maybe I didn't have to share that info, but they had accommodated this week's meeting to my schedule since I was the one who got this thing going, so I felt a need to let them know to, well, not accommodate me anymore.  So, I will start a new group, maybe focus more on the networking/social side.  Leaving the word 'support' out of the equation.  The irony is, if you know me, you know I truly have a huge heart and am there for my friends whenever they need me, but for some reason this was not my cup of tea. or coffee.  or any cup I want to drink out of in the near future.  My mom called this morning asking how it was and when I told her, I knew immediately where my cold NY blood had bubbled up from, as her faint accent came over the phone, "Oh forget that, you don't need people crying all over like that.  I went to one of those once, it was just awful!"

Ready to meet your ever so supportive mama and grandmama yet, heartbean?
Bumpless Baby Mama

My Rules for Adoption Support Groups, OH look, We Are Accepted and Erykah Badu Has Nothing on My Husband!

So we had kept ourselves on #Adoption gency A's waiting list to go into their pool JUST IN CASE for some odd reason we weren't accepted into Agency B (they found out about our Meth Lab, etc. JOKE , people, joke!).  So today Agency A wrote us saying we are next to go into their pool from the wait list (we were put on in July). How cray is thaaaaaaat- that wasn't a typo, I really say cray.  I am 33 going on 15.  Anyway, imagine waiting to wait.  In Agency A you are on a wait list of about 15 people until you go into the actual pool of 30ish people where you wait an average of 1-3 years.  You see why we chose Agency B.  No wait list, you are straight VIP from the getgo and most people adopt within a year.  So Agency A asked if we wanted in the pool or were accepted to the other program.  I knew Agency B had gotten our clearances back, but did that mean we were accepted?  I was kind of waiting for a letter, so instead I wrote them.  OH, we are accepted.  That would have been nice information to know.  I am kind of worrying about their communication at this point, but we are in it to win it, now!  I told Agency A to take us off their waiting list, that we are VIP elsewhere.  So it is  Facebook official: We are working with a #placementagency!  Thank goodness, imagine all that profile book work going to waste ;) 

We are almost done with our #adoptionprofilebook, and my best friend, also known to some as my leader, is going to review it this weekend and take our picture for the cover!  I just emailed the hubs that he needs to fit in time to get a haircut this weekend cause we need to look FLYYYYYYYYY!  Not that he isn't fly when he lets his hair get all Erykah Badu on us. Truly gorgeous.  Glad my monthly is over so I don't have that putrid pimple that makes my chin look like it is pregnant anymore.  OH, what to wear!  I have had some major fun with this scrapbook program in general, but I am throwing a party when this book is finished. RSVP below and you are all assigned to bring #wine.

Tonight is the night!  Our #adoptionsupportgroup is meeting for the first time.  I am still considering starting my own group since I have never been a good follower, but we will see how it pans out.  We definitely ARE meeting at the library. YAAWN.  I want to weep over our issues over food and wine!  Not sit under fluorescent bulbs.  If people do end up doing the 'ugly cry', imagine how much uglier we will look under those things!  Double whammy.  I'm sure these people would rather cry with a steak in their mouth and take the edge off with some Pinot.  If I start my own group, it will be New York themed with rules like 1. No weeping or ugly almost weeping faces. 2. No fluorescent lighting 3. No details about your womenly organs 4. No talking for more than 3 minutes at a time.  5. #Donuts and wine are mandatory.  Let's talk about #4...I mean you know you like this rule.  Don't look at me like that!  We only have so much time and if woman A goes on a 15 minute tangent about her eggs being fried up, there's no room for woman B to talk about hers!  Let's be fair, ladies.  I would bring a timer, set it for 3 minutes and DING, NEXT!  Pass the Krispy Kremes and let's move on.  I have a tendency to be sweet.  In my sleep.

DING, time's up!  I am waiting to wait for you, little one-
Bumpless Baby Mama

Baby Budget, Adoption Profile Book Insanity and Ignore the Oreos!

Last night was sheer hell on wheels during the #adoptionprofilebook extravaganza!  Let's just say my laptop was replaced by my Ipad two years ago, but I have to use my laptop for this project of bean love.  It is years old and slower than my hubs in the morning.  As I get further into the process, it gets more tired and ornery.  I was working on our "What we like to do" page and it really started to hate me.  Every time I'd try to move a text block or embellishment it would basically laugh in my face and say, "SURE I will do it...in 5 minutes, I need a rest real quick."  Being the determined one that I am, I waited and dealt with its crude behavior.  At one point the hubs was next to me on the couch watchin some tube as I grumbled, "I hate you, hobbies page!"  He sat and just looked at me. I felt annoyed, "I mean YOU could help a little with the book, too!"  He reminded me pleasantly, "I tried and you kinda knocked my ideas down."  OH, right.  See my entry on me being a control freak.  But nobody understands the color wheel and the subliminal messages you can send through art like I do!!!  OK, jokes aside, it made me feel bad ( I do have a heart inside there somewhere, it even has a baby bump on it!), so I asked for his input.  And by asked for his input I mean asked him to help me figure out how to make the program run better :)  BUT my precious, patient hubs is great at that stuff and through some trial and error got it moving a little more quickly!  He really is a saint that one.

I am hoping we have a snow day tomorrow, which is lookin pretty good, so that I can dedicate the day to it and finish everything but the cover photo!  I want this shizzzzz done!  If anyone would like to send me a MAC computer, I'd appreciate it.  No big deal.  What's a grand or two?  OK, on the real...putting ourselves on a more strict budget has been crazy but also crazy is the amount of money we save not going out so many times a week and not spending 9 bucks every glass of wine.  Now it's 8 dolllaaas a bottle, YEA BAREFOOT!  If you know me, you know I am a makeup hoarder, but have always been good about using coupons and shopping sales.  That being said, I have been good about going to Sephora only when I have a gift card.  Not saying I stuck to the exact amount, but baby steps, people!  Other ways we have been saving has been our new rule of one date night out a week and one night out with friends a week.  Which isn't really weekly during winter, because lots of people hibernate, and lots of illness happens and ruins "friend" plans.  I have had lots of Girls' night IN and those have been a blast and really break up the week!  Also, sticking to a list at the grocery store has saved us a lot too!  Put those horse blinders on, run to your items and BOOK OUTTA THAT JOINT! Sure, those oreos are screaming your name and how fluffy and delicious do those Krispy Kremes look, but fight it! And don't add them to your list to cheat!

Obviously big travel trips are not happening at the moment.  Baby budget does not permit trips to Europe or Mexico.  That being said we both LOVE to travel and hopefully through raises and other life changes, we will be able to incorporate travel outside of the US back into our lives in a couple of years.  We may spring for one last 'baby boom' trip to Florida or something.  Here is some advice on coupons.  GURL/BOY/WHOEVER: never buy anything full price.  That is just a rule that has really helped me deal with this you can't do whatever the hell you want anymore.  Even online, if you Google the store and the coupon code you can generally find a deal/coupon.  Also, shop sales at the #grocery, combined with coupons and it really does add up!  And check to see if your community has a #Facebook online yard sale.  They are amazing, I just got a toy storage unit with all of those bins for 25 bucks, perfect condition.  That and craigslist ... don't forget about them!  Just sterilize that junk and be on with your rich self!  And making a #budget always helps.  Listing out budgets for everything from groceries to gas to 'fun money', it is a good guide and you realize where your money is going.  The hubs is way better at that stuff than me, I am like I don't need excel, I know where I spent it, donuts and makeup YAYYYYYY!  So I have some shapin up to do ;)  Neither of us have any debt, both of our cars are paid off, so we had a nice start...but #adoption is expensive, peeps!  And #kids are expensive, so it is a double whammmmoo.  If you are adopting...prepare.  We know it is all worth it, but you will be cutting down expenses unless you are Daddy Warbucks, which in that case, if you are him or have his amount of money, I meant what I said about the MAC.  Thanks in advance.

Typing way faster than my computer is generating,
Bumpless Baby Mama