OOH what came in the mail you ask? A 200 page book on Open Adoption. They must have thought I needed more of a challenge, that the paperwork from this weekend just wasn't enough. I will just add it on top of the books on my end table. The cheesy girly ones that I thought I may read this year before we entered Adoption School. That is what I decided it is now. I am getting my Master's in Adoption. Tests included. Yep, they test us sometimes after we read certain provided articles or books. Adoption University needs a mascot. I am going to go ahead and be original and suggest a baby. And school colors. Maybe yellow and blue, since one day you can be happy happy joy joy and the next you may end up weeping in the corner with a pint of ice cream. In my case not even REAL ice cream cause the Lord blessed me with lactose intolerance. What a pitiful picture, I hope that day does not come that a birth mother changes her mind, because I WILL be in the corner with soy ice cream, and that alone may get me an F- in "coping class".
OK, so the Open Adoption Book. I have already read one, and many articles, but can't hurt to read another I suppose. Basically Open Adoption is where you keep in touch with the birthmother (BM) or birthfather (BF) or in some cases the beeegeees! Not the band, birth grandparents! Crazy I know. There are different levels of openness. The very minimum is usually sending the Birth family pictures and letters. A lot of agencies encourage this or even make it a requirement. From there you can have one visit a year, two, etc etc. Some families are insane...i mean sweet...and have such a close relationship they may do Sunday dinners together. That shit is not for us. I get the whole 'no child can have enough love', but I can have enough. We are definitely doing letters and pictures. Probably will do one visit a year, but no information exchanged. I do not want birth mama climbin in my window. This actually like NEVER happens, but in my cautious brain it does, so I will not give myself that anxiety. So the once a year visits we will just see them at the agency event that occurs once a year, never without a third party present. This is a typical set up. Do not panic, you do NOT have to have an open adoption, but all the research does show it is better for the child. So you will ruin their lives if you don't. Joke, but that is kind of how agencies make you feel during the educational meetings. Between not checking off most of the 'child desired' boxes and not wanting to meet with the birth family more than once a year with supervision, I have developed so much guilt you'd think I was still Catholic.
That being said, some birth mamas (the ones that had the bumps) do disappear sometimes, so there are risks, but research shows even if they do, it is better than the child not having information on where they came from, and as questions come up, not having someone to answer them. Research shows some adopted children have lower self esteem due to identity issues (moreso with closed adoptions). Obviously, as a future parent, I want to give my child the best I can, and if that means going a little out of my comfort zone so be it. There will be no Sunday dinners though. Unless they bring donuts. NO, FIGHT THE URGE CHRISTY!
Come get over here with those Krispy Kremes, BM!,
Bumpless Baby Mama
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